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by 2lochyness4you
Summary: Nessie almost commit's suicide but goes under therapy with Jacob's father.
1. Jacob Black

**Ok first of all this really isn't like most of the other Jake and Nessie stories. Only me and my friends no how this ends. Also could you not give me any hate reviews for leaving Eternal plz. This is a story website not a wrestling match where u yell "BOO!" like a wild monkey. So plz give this story a chance for those of u who loved Eternal, u might like this one better. It's still Jacob and Nessie. But there will probably be less of the Cullens appearances so... *shrug* **

**Also special shout out to to my friends and classmates at school who believe in this story! U rock!**

**Note: This story is all human!**

**I don't own twilight!**

**So:**

**READ  
**

**RELAX **

**AND**

**ENJOY!**

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_Chapter 1: Jacob Black_

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**Jacob's POV**

My life?

Perfect I have everything. An awesome house, motorcycle and most importantly I have every single girl in the school in love with me; that's right I'm a popular bad-ass.

My dad, Billy, is some sort of psychologist. He either goes to an office or to people's houses. So basically, he helps weirdos/ retards.

Today was just my luck, I had to go with him. Why the hell did I? Because he thinks I'm selfish. Me? Selfish? Yeah right. It was a freakin' Saturday. _Saturday._ What popular high school senior would ruin their rep' by going to a crazy person's house?

"Jacob, are you listening to me?" Billy criticized again. Every time Billy went into talking about his job my head was always somewhere else. And he knew it.

"You already know the answer to that," I grumbled silently but I knew he could hear me. Why did he even bother asking?

"Jacob, this is serious. The poor girl almost committed suicide."

Whoa... a girl with issues, then again what girl doesn't have issues?

"So? It's not me why do I have to go?" Bad question. Sigh, here come the speech. I prepared my self for the most boring speech in the world about selflessness.

I looked out the window of our Chevrolet Captiva SUV to avoid Billy's glare. Instead of giving me his regular two-hour speech- which he pretty much gave me everyday- he was quiet.

It wasn't more than a minute until we were in front of the smallest house in the world. Ok, it wasn't that small but compared to my house it made it look like a shed.

Ha!

It was about the size of an apartment made out of wood and painted white with a small porch in the front. The top of it was painted gray.

Well, maybe I didn't have to go inside.

"Come on Jacob Black." Billy said.

Ugh! I could never catch a break with this guy!

I groaned and got out of the car, slammed the door and stomped to the door.

A lady opened it up before we could reach it. She was hot I have to say. But how did she know we were even here?

"I heard something crash," the lady explained. "Pardon my rudeness, I'm Esme Platt, formerly Cullen."

Dad walked up to her and shook her hand. Esme smiled at him sadly.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Platt." Billy said. Oh so, _Mrs_. Platt; she was re-married. What a dumb last name.

Esme looked at me bit her lip and nodded. I nodded back politely. And he calls me selfish. Ha!

"Please come in." She opened the door to us and we walked in. The house wasn't _as_ bad as I pictured it.

There was a small kitchen with a wooden table and chairs, four of them and a stove and a steel fridge. A plasma screen in the living room about fifty inches wide. One long couch and two recliners and a one person couch that was an air force blue color. In the middle was a medium sized wooden table. There was a small hallway that probably lead to two bedrooms and a bathroom.

"So where's Renesmee?" Renesmee? What kind of a name is that? Who came up with it anyway?

"She should be reading in her room, I'll go get her." Esme went down the hallway and I heard a door open.

"They're here." I heard her say.

"Be nice," Billy whispered to me.

I saw a girl walk around the corner of the hall. She stayed there, peaking out with one eye. The color was so beautiful.

It was like the sweetest chocolate brown that reminded me of brownies or a Hershey bar.

Her eye widened in fear when she saw us. I heard her let out a shaky breath and walk towards the kitchen and hid behind the post of it.

I noticed how soft looking her hair was. It was straight too. And a pretty copper color that was shiny.

Then I remembered something.

This girl was the one my dad was talking about. The one who almost killed herself.

But _why_? Why in God's name did she try and do that to herself?

"Hi," I heard Renesmee whisper or whimper in a small voice.

_Dear God, even her voice was beautiful!_

"Do you want to sit on the couch so I can ask you some questions?" Billy asked already seated on one of the couches, Esme was on the other couch across the small living room patting her hand on the seat next to her.

Renesmee shook her head shyly still in the kitchen. And I was standing in the middle staring like a dumbstruck idiot taking up the beauty, well okay, part of it. The other part was hidden behind the post of the kitchen.

"Alright, how about you stay there and I'll ask you questions and you'll answer?" Billy asked.

Renesmee nodded her head not saying anything. Billy got out a notepad.

"What lead you to make this decision of... suicide?" He choked on the last word.

"I..." she sighed, "I just didn't think that anyone would mind if I was gone."

_Um... I THINK I WOULD MIND!, _I mentally shouted at her.

Esme was shocked. Her lips were in a tight line presses together like she was trying to hold back tears.

Renesmee looked at her with hurt in her eye that was visible.

Billy was writing all of this down. Then he asked, "Why do you think that?"

It took Renesmee a while to answer, about two minutes. "Well, I just... thought that... nobody... cared."

That sentence was barely a whisper. Here's one thing I could tell about Renesmee the first second she started answering Billy's questions: she had low self confidence. Like it was crush or gone or something like that.

I held back the urge to say, _Baby I care about you_.

Don't call me pathetic.

"Is there another reason?" Billy questioned.

Renesmee paused before she shook her head slowly.

I didn't realize how long we were her for. About_ one_ hour. How fast can time fly by? I was probably too caught up in her beauty to hear anything. But... would I see her again? Did she go to my school? But, if she did I would know. Maybe she was home schooled.

"Oh, I'm sorry I could schedule for you longer but we have to go," Billy say sadly. I knew why. Well, probably did.

He liked Renesmee immediately, just like me. I mean who wouldn't? She was quiet and she seemed polite. Good manners and stuff. But what was she doing in this house? With her mother too. I think that the Mr. Cullen, Esme mentioned could've been Carlisle. He died by the time I was ten.

Renesmee looked about my age even though she looked nothing like Carlisle, his genes were still there in the way she looked at me. Warily, I guess. Like Dr. Cullen did.

He helped me out when I got in a car accident when I was seven with my mom. She didn't make it, I did though. I had a broken neck and sprained leg for a while so I couldn't go to school.

I remember her name was Sarah and that she had long, wavy, onyx black hair and one-of- a- kind gray eyes. She was nice and I was pretty much her favorite because I was youngest. My two older sisters were Rachel and Rebecca, twins just my luck.

They didn't stick around much around the age of nineteen when our mom died. They both went to collage and graduated. They eventually got married. Rebecca got married to a Hawaiian guy named Adam and moved to Hawaii. Rachel got Married to Paul Pondelik a Native American like us.

I forgot to mention we were from the Quileute tribe in La Push, Washington. It was always raining here . Like it was right now as my dad and I drove back home.

Renesmee lived in Forks which is a two hour drive away from La Push. I really wanted to see her again.

"Hey, Dad?"

"Yeah, Jake," he responded, focusing on the rainy and foggy road ahead.

"Are you going to see Renesmee tomorrow?"

He looked at me suspiciously as we stopped in front of a red light. "Why?" he stretched out the word.

"I don't know," I mumbled and shrugged. _Liar_. I don't know what happened but... it didn't feel right leaving Renesmee. Like there was a cut in my chest when I walked out the door, just after I turned my back on her.

I turned back to the window of the passenger seat. I heard my dad sigh and say that he would be visiting Renesmee tomorrow.

_YES!_

I smiled as we pulled up to the driveway.

I couldn't understand it but... I felt different- good- when I was around her. I felt like I was full, complete when ever I was in her presence.

I was looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. And I would try my best and give it my all to try and make her smile.

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**Again very sorry for the false story alert on Eternal but I just couldn't quite figure out where it went but I will try to finish it! I promise!**

**Sincerely, **

**2lockyness4you =)**


	2. Renesmee Cullen Platt

**I don't own twilight!**

**And thnx for the reviews and stuff but... i was wondering if u guys could recommend this to some people or what ever if tht's okay with u guys... if u could tht would be great =)...**

**So anyways...**

**ENJOY! (this mite have some dark themes I guess if u view it tht way)**

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_Chapter 2: Renesmee Cullen/ Platt_

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**RPOV**

My life?

Horrible, but I'm not complaining.

As long as I had clothes, food and a roof over my head I was good.

You're probably thinking what could be so bad? I committed suicide. Well, attempted.

My mom, Esme, and step-dad, Phil, went out that one night without me because I think that they knew that I was anti-social. Not really fun to be around. Usually depressed and... quiet.

I hardly ever got out of my tiny house much. My mom is always sad to see me so depressed and lonely. I was the complete opposite of this before the age of ten. I was always the happy, dimply little girly-girl with a great life. Like that little girl from those Eloise movies.

But at the age of nine, a few days before my tenth birthday he died. My real dad, Carlisle. After the murder I was never the same.

I was there.

I saw him get killed. At nine years old.

Memories still haunted me. I could still hear his loud scream through the night. Only I was kidnapped they were careless about Daddy. I really didn't _see_ him get... well... you know. The blindfold was on my eyes then but it was enough to make a seventeen year old run for cover.

I'm... getting off topic.

That night Phil and Mom were out for whatever reason. As soon as mom married Phil, he hated me. Did I care...not really.

He started to hit me and force me to do everything around the house. Like I said earlier I'm not complaining. I never, _ever _wore short selves or tank tops or even three quarter selves. I didn't want to put my mom's re-marriage on the strain.

I had to cover up the bruises or whatever was there so my mom wouldn't be sad. So, I went with another motive.

It would have worked until Momma caught me with one of the kitchen knives held over my wrist. She practically threw me into the car to get to the hospital, crying the whole way. I didn't.

I couldn't. I couldn't stand to let her see me cry because it would make things worse.

So, now I have a psychologist and on the first day he brought a guy with him, great. He was handsome, the son.

I could just see his future somehow. A big white house with a pretty wife and three beautiful kids running around a big green yard and him having a good job.

Perfect.

Mine? It was just... black. I couldn't see anything.

The complete opposite.

"Renesmee? Sweetheart? The doctor's here," I heard my mother's sweet, soothing voice call me.

I looked up from my Calculus homework. Oh, I forgot to mention that I was home schooled by my mom. See? Anti-social.

"Okay," I muttered, emotionless. I got up from my small bed and walked slowly out of my bedroom. Mom was walking in front of me down the small white hallway; it was really on five feet in length.

I turned the corner- well, okay I stood by the corner with my hand clenched on the wall looking at Mr. Black and his son wearily. I studied them.

Mr. Black looked professional wearing a button down shirt and black pants with some nice looking shoes. He had long black hair which I thought was odd until Mom told me that they were Native American.

The son looked well. His hair was short and a silky black color that was cropped. He had a leather jacket, some jeans and a blue shirt. Designer or whatever no doubt.

I exhaled through my small nose sadly in comparison. I was wearing some cheap, faded jeans and a long sleeved Henley from Wal-mart. I probably looked like a mess with my hair in a ponytail- which I try my hardest to keep straight- and pale, pasty see-through skin.

They boy looked at me with a creepy, yet sweet smile that set me off. The same one he gave me yesterday.

"How are you today, Renesmee?" Dr. Black asked me politely.

"Fine," I murmured silently. The son grinned when I looked at him for a split second. Only he didn't know that it was out of a slight hint of fear. I had no idea why.

Maybe it was the insecurity getting to my head.

Mr. Black looked between our glance and cleared his throat. I relaxed when his son took his eyes off of me.

"I didn't get a chance to introduce you to Jacob sweetheart." Mom mentioned.

Jacob?

Oh! It was Mr. Black's son!

Jacob Black.

I nodded my head and stepped slowly about one inch away from the wall between the living room and hall. "Hi."

Jacob looked back at me and smiled. I blushed deeply on command.

"Alright let's start." Mr. Black said. "Well- actually I need to speak to your mother alone. Maybe Jacob could take her out to Port Angeles for a little while. About an hour or two?"

About an_ hour or two_?

I didn't want to spend more than _one or two minutes _with Jacob. I looked at my mom for help. She looked back at before asking, "She'll be safe?"

I mouth was agape._ Unbelievable_!

Mr. Black nodded his head instantly. "Oh, of course. I put all of my trust in his hands."

"Well... alright then." _WHAT! _How could she do this to me?

Maybe I could convince her otherwise...

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"So where are we headed?" Jacob asked as we had just entered Port Angeles. So as you can see I couldn't convince my mother.

I kept my head down and thought of somewhere no one could speak a word.

Mc Donald's? No, too many people would stare at me like I was a whack job, which I was.

Movie theater? No, too crowded.

Border's? Yes, absolute silence.

"Border's?" I suggested silently, keeping my head down trying to avoid his awed stare. Why did he keep doing that?

"Okay, anything else? Are you hungry? We could stop at Bella Italia," he kept talking to me. I shook my head 'no'. I felt the car stop as he turned it off. I sighed and closed my eyes. I heard him get out and I followed suit.

I walked to the door trying to get in and away from him but he beat me to it. Jacob opened the door with a grin. I put my head back down and walked in. I could just_ feel _Jacob breathing down my neck but I didn't dare turn my head to find out.

I walked over to the 'N' section so I could find the best book. It was by Nathaniel Hawthorne.

_The Scarlet letter_.

I walked over to a couch and opened it. Actually why didn't I buy this sometime? I turned the back to reveal the price being twenty dollars. I couldn't afford it. I exhaled through my nose and waled back over to the shelf to put it back. I began looking for Jane Austen's_ Pride and Prejudice_. This time I checked the price beforehand. Crap seventeen-ninety-nine.

I looked through every great classical book there was- _Beloved_ by Toni Morrison, _Gone with the Wind_ by Margaret Mitchell,_ A Tale of Two Cities_ by Charles Dickens and even more. They were all out of my price range- not that I had a price...

"I could buy some for you," I heard Jacob's insisting voice from behind me and I let out a loud gasp. I turned around and felt my mouth open wide.

Oh! How can I answer! I didn't want to speak to him at all and here I am!

"Uh," I stuttered stupidly," no thanks."

I put my head down quickly and walked away. I paced over to the nearest clock and read the time. Mr. Black had come at five o'clock and now it was almost eight. Well, a half an hour to eight. How long did it take two people to talk?

It was like Jacob answered my question without me saying it. "My dad said we have to go."

I nodded and followed him out the door. He held my door open again like when we had entered. Still creeped me out.

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Things went by very fast and before I knew it I was back home in my small bedroom. Thankfully, I was spared because even though tomorrow was Monday I wouldn't be seeing Mr. Black or Jacob. I just couldn't figure Jacob out. Was he interested in me...?

No! It couldn't be! What in God's name would a guy like him want a girl like me? I wasn't rich and I probably wouldn't make it into collage. He'd probably want someone with a good education, background and nice house.

I on the other hand a had no education-I was home schooled said earlier- and not so good background-well, just Phil my mom was the best person on the planet- and I had the smallest house known to man.

Why am I still thinking about Jacob? I could be...? Could I...? I mean he is handsome. And he looked smart and sweet. He also seemed to have good manners that most guys don't.

_Stop! Stop thinking about someone who'll you'll never get a chance with!_ I thought to myself.

And with that I fell asleep almost instantly.

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**Yeah, kinda fast chapter so srry about tht. I also deleted Eternal but don't worry when I'm done with this i'll start re-writing it! The first few chapters were childishly written and I apologise for tht and thank u for adding me on author alerts, faves, story alerts and ur reviews mean alot 2 me. But if u could recommend this or something like tht i would REALLY appreciate it!**

**Also been caught up in school wor and stuff and i'm especially srry 4 the w8.**

**Sincerly,**

**2lockyness4you =:)**

**P.S. thank you to all of my classmates/ friends tht have read this and liked it! U guys r the best! **


	3. How To Save A Life

**Don't own twilight! and rlly sorry 4 the w8!**

**Authors note: This chapter and the next were inspired by emetrip1 AKA: one of my best friends =). Ty so much 4 the drama and stuff budayy! xD =) she'll also be helping me out with the other chapters 2 =)**

**Enjoy! (Warning: slight cliffhanger)**

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_Chapter Two: How to Save a Life_

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_"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_  
_Somewhere along in the bitterness_  
_And I would have stayed up with you all night_  
_Had I known how to save a life"_

_How to Save a Life- The Fray_

_

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_

Today was Monday, so I had to miss one day without Nessie. Nessie was really Renesmee but come on! The name was insanely long!

We spent most of Sunday together in a Borders. I kept following her (Don't call me a stalker) around the entire place. She was going through all of these shelves. Nessie must have been looked at eighty-three books by the time we left. I had to look at her disappointed face every time she saw a book she wanted. I mean the books all cost twenty dollars, that was cheap. But then I put myself in her position-

"Jacob? Are you listening to me man?" Quil snapped me out of my train of thought. He was talking about sports a minute ago... or was it his shorts... I can't remember, in fact I honestly didn't care about that stuff.

"Nope," I smirked.

He glared at me jokingly. "I was talking about going cliff diving after school."

I nodded. Sure, I went to Forks High School- which was the strictest hell hole on the face of the Earth- but La Push was all mansions and fancy cars. The idiot who designed it must have been a rich snob. Or a dictator... Either way, cliff diving was one of the very, _very _few things that were fun.

"Sure Quil," I said nonchalantly. "On one condition," I said which interrupted his fist pump,"you have to date Jessica Stanley."

Quil's face dropped and I started laughing.

"Mr. Black, have something funny to share with the rest of the class?" Mr. Torres asked. Despite him being one of the cool teachers he was stern. He really wasn't someone to put on his last nerve. You could be guaranteed a living hell by serving over a month's worth of detention.

"No, Mr. Torres," I grumbled loudly so he could hear. He nodded once and then returned to writing our assignment on the board. I looked back at Quil with a badass smirk and mouth 'I was only kidding'.

Quil rolled his eyes and looked back into his textbook. He and I have been best buddies for as long as I could remember. After all, we were second cousins. I told him everything and he did the same back. I bragged on about how Nessie was the most gorgeous person to walk this earth...

"Dude, sounds like your in love," he grinned at me poked his elbow at my rib cage. We were at Burger King with our friends right after our "hard core"-as Embry liked to put it- football practice. It was on Saturday because Coach Sam felt like we would win more games that way. Boy was he right.

"What makes you say that?" I asked him.

I looked at me like the answer was obvious. "Well, honestly, I don't know. But they way you've been talking about her for the past half hour just seems like it."

The bell rang pulling me out of my thoughts. I grabbed my math book and binder and headed out the door to my locker. I ran out the door and to my Rabbit. I pulled out of the school parking lot and headed home to get ready for cliff diving.

I drove through the small town of Forks to the "fanciness" of La Push. Even though most Indian reservations were poor, the adults here worked their asses off to build empires, run businesses become doctors and more. So they rebuilt everything to fit their new lives. But Billy wouldn't let money go to his head. He knew that family was the absolute most important thing. . . which made me feel sorry for people like Nessie.

I was completely confused when I remembered that Dr. Cullen was her dad. If he was. . . why were they living the way they are now? Instead of a small apartment sized house they could be living in a big white mansion. What had been going on those eight or nine years after Carlisle's death?

I pulled up to my house and sauntered inside. My house was a mix of mountain cabin and mansion, closer to the forest because sometimes we would go camping. I climbed up two flights of stairs to my bedroom. I was happy that my room had a walk-in closet because Rach and Becca would stuff it with clothes that I hated to shop for. Thankfully, they organized it too, 'cause I would be lost.

I grabbed a pair of swimming trunks and changed into them. I brought a towel and a pair of cut off jeans and a green T-shirt. I stuffed them all into my North Face duffle bag thing, grabbed my keys and was on my way to the cliffs.

* * *

It was at least a five minutes drive to First Beach where the cliffs were. No one could park on the cliffs so I had to put in in the parking lot. I took the keys out of the ignition and put them in the bag. I made my way past a black truck that looked awkwardly suspicious. Like. . . when you're at a movie theatre and you're watching a scary movie that men in black hit you upside the head and put you in.

It was giving me a creepy feeling. As if something bad was going to happen. I ignored it for now and scanned the area for my friends. I found them standing by Jared's huge orange Hummer.

"Hey Jake!" Seth Clearwater yelled. Seth was a fifteen year old freshman who was on the basketball team. For a freshman, he could kick some ass.

"Hey guys," I greeted. "So what's the water like?"

Embry answered, "Dunno, haven't gone yet. We're waiting for you girly." Everybody laughed at that. Dear God, he could never let that go. When we were sixteen, Rebecca told him that when I was seven I tried on Rebecca's heels because I wanted to be taller. I got my wish. Now I was at least six feet tall.

Take that Becks.

After all the laughing and puns we were making our way to the cliffs. Then we saw two figures. . . we were close enough to see that one figure was a big, strong, mussily guy holding an unconscious girl flung over his shoulder.

I stalked faster and closer but most important I did it quietly. I heard one of guys whisper loudly, "What the hell is he doing?"

I didn't know if he meant me or the stranger going closer to the cliffs with the sleeping girl over his shoulder. The girl had long, curly reddish-brown hair. I could've sworn I knew her.

I heard the rest of the guys come up behind me quietly, mirroring my action from earlier.

We all saw the big guy switch the girl positions until he had his arms under neck and knees. . . Then, we all watched in horror as he flung the girl from his arms and to the cliffs until she disappeared underneath them.

I felt my eyes widen and mouth drop.

"_Hey!_" I screamed at him. I was still in shock from what I just witnessed.

The big guy turned around and we couldn't identify him because he was wear pitch black sun glasses. He ran incredibly fast in the other direction and I ran in the direction of the cliffs. I lost my shoes while running like Tarzan towards the edge of the tall cliff.

I jumped off feet first and landed with a big splash in the water. I swam back up and gasped for air.

I heard Jared yell, "What the hell were you thinking?" and someone else yell, "Are you okay?"

I didn't concentrate on them though as I plunged back into the icy cold water. I couldn't exactly hold my breath for long so I looked in all of the directions I could just barely see. Finally, I looked down to see a light shade of red. I swam down as fast as I could and pulled on the hair. Not the best move but it was all I could do.

I could already feel myself loosing my breath from the lack of oxygen, but I couldn't let go now. I swam back up to the surface tugging the mystery girls' hair with me. I pulled her up to so I could look at her face.

Now I knew why I felt like I knew her. . . because the hair was the exact same colors as, "Nessie!" I gasped to myself.

Just when I said her name, I didn't see the big wave that was rolling in on us, trying to pull us downward. . . but I wouldn't let it get me that easily. I swam forward for at least ten seconds before I reached the surface that was clear away from the huge, raging waves that tried to kill the both of us.

I tried swimming as fast as I could towards the shore of First Beach. My feet felt like it weighed fifty pounds and my lungs filled with salty sea water.

Finally, I was at the rocky beach. When I reached the point to where I could stand in the water I carried Nessie- who was still unconscious- bridal style to a clear spot on the beach until I felt to my knees because they were weak.

"Come on, Nessie," I mumbled through chattering, gritted teeth. I put my lips on her pink ones that were now a pale blue. I think sparks at the contact and a hot, seething fire ran all around my body. I knew that this wasn't the time to focus on that. I checked her breathing to make sure that she was still alive. . . Thank _God_ she was. I felt so relived that she was, but it was weak. I pumped her chest to empty any water that was blocking her lungs.

I kept pumping until my arms felt funny. "_Breathe_," I begged her weakly,"_ Please_, Nessie. Breathe!"

I heard a familiar voice in the distance call, "Jake! Are you okay?" I couldn't respond because my breath was mostly gone away by the fear that was taking me over. The same fear that was telling me that Nessie may not make it.

I moved my head to looked at the left side of me to see the guys running in my direction. I could just see through their eyes. Me, my wet crouched body over Nessie's lying, lifeless-looking one underneath me. Me, with a terrified look on my face with tears probably running down my face.

I finally gather some breath as they run over to my to say, "Nessie. . . Someone call 911." My voice sounded groggy like I just woke up, like I was a mad man hungry for food. . .

One continuous thought kept running through my mind. . .

_Nessie. . . she could be dieing. . . Ness. . . what did she ever do to deserve this. . ._

I heard Seth's panicked voice talking into his cellphone,"Hello. . . I need an ambulance to first Beach in La Push . . . There's a girl and we saw her get thrown off a cliff and our friend jumped in after her and if you could just get here that would be great." He hung up. "They said about five to ten minutes."

We all looked at him and then back at Nessie.

I started stroking her hair and her flushed pink cheeks.

_Don't worry honey_, I told Nessie silently as I continued to stroke her cheek. _Everything's going to be fine. . . they're going to take care of you. Just hold on. . . That's all you have to do. . . _

I made a promise to myself and her that I would find out who did this.

Then, I kissed her forehead softly.


	4. Hang On

**TY EMETRIP1! UR THE BEST! and ur reviews mean alot!**

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_"Hang on when the water is rising _

_Hang on when the waves are crashing _  
_Hang on just don't ever let go"_

_Hang on - Plumb_

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I took a quick run in the woods just to get away from Phil for a little while. To escape a horrible reality.

It was always so peaceful in the place where I kept a small secluded area only to fit a small group of ten. The small little clearing I had all to myself. Sometimes, I would sneak out at night to come here and think. . . and on some occasions, I cried.

I found this little place one day when Phil was home and I planned to run away. That one turned out horrible and resulted in bruises and a nose bleed. I covered it up saying I wasn't looking and ran smack-dab into a wall. Mom gave me a worried mock glare.

Why did Phil hate me so much? I'd always wondered what would happen the rest of my life. With him here would I be dead in the next couple of years?

My step dad always reminded me of someone who'd been in a gang. I'd seen a tattoo of the letter _C_ and an _O _on the edge of his sleeveless shirt he'd had. Now, he always wears short sleeved t-shirts that covered it up.

Mom and I had a talk earlier today about Mr. Black's talk with her.

"I told him that think you're lying," she'd told me. I snapped my head up from the English assignment to look at her. My mother think I'm a liar.

_She right though, you have to give her that_, my conscience told me. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and at the same time, lie to Mom about the reasons behind the attempted suicide.

Mom took in a deep breath. "He told me to leave you alone to let you tell me in the future, when you're ready."

I rolled my eyes at that now. I would never be ready, and by the time I would be, Phil would have me dead with my tombstone saying, _Good Riddance._

My body shivered helplessly at the chilling thought. I hated Phil. . . but then, I knew I had to let it go eventually. That didn't mean, though, that I would keep up a good fight.

I stood up and ran from the small clearing with the miniature lagoon back home.

* * *

I glanced the dreadful land piece known as my own home. I knew my step-dad awaited me inside, dare I step inside?_ I do dare_, and as I thought and processed in the darkened crevices of my mind, I knew I had to face him one way or another.

I started my way up the cracked tiles and overgrown wild life that had happened to grow. I pulled my key out of my bag, which I always had with me, and I put the key into the keyhole. Dreadfully I twisted the key, each second seeming as if it was years passing by. Slowly and quietly I pushed the door open, it creaked loudly from wear and tear.

I took a few steps inside, and closed the squeaky door behind me while glancing around. The house was as if it was never touched from when I left, yet it looked so different like something terrible had happened. I took nervous steps towards the living room, each step bringing more fear and regret until I finally reached the dark room. Peeking my head inside, I saw no one inside the room which was odd, that is if you knew my step-father.

I suddenly felt as if I was being stared down, so I turned around only to knocked to the floor. I looked up fearfully and saw my father with a evil smirk on his face. "Nice of you to drop by. . . Rennie. . ." My father sneers, emphasizing my name with such venom, it could almost be seen.

I held my emotions at bay, as I replied, "Wanted to check on you. Ha!" I snorted at him," I just needed to see if you were dead yet."

His smirk suddenly falls and is replaced with a vicious glare "Don't you _dare _use that _tone_ with me" He yells out while kicking me in the shin as hard as he could, causing me to whimper out in pain.

He smirked evilly when he heard the whimper "What? More? More? I'll give you more" He growled. Then, reaches over and grabs my hair into a fist, pulling me up to my knee's.

"Stop..." I whimper out in pain and fear of whats soon to come. "More? Well okay..." I cry out in pain as he throws me at the wall, making a large dent appear.

He grabbed my leg and threw me against the other wall, where many glass and porcelain items laid. I crashed into the items making them all shatter and pierce my skin.

I scream out in pain, only for him to kick me in the ribs repeatedly. "_You_ d_eserve_ _this_!" He screeched out while spitting on my face, then kicking it as well. I couldn't feel anything, all was numb yet I could still feel pain.

He saw that I wasn't responding much, and went into the kitchen for an item. He came back a few moments later holding a bag that had blood splatters. He sat down next to me and elbowed me hardly in the ribs, causing a few to break. I let out another shrill scream out again, tears pouring down my face quickly. He unzipped the bag and pulled out a needle that held a green liquid inside. He grabbed my shirt, and yanked it upwards to reveal my stomach, and jabbed the needle into my stomach while injecting it.

I screeched out in pain, and continued because the injection caused a very large burning feeling, and a tearing feeling to happen. This continued until I felt it reach my throat, where it caused my vocal chords to stop working and proceed to make no noise.

I kept at my quiet screeching but soon started to shake because it was reaching my heart.

I felt a sharp strong pain burst through my heart, and I felt it stop beating, only for a moment.

All the pain went away but I started to convulse rapidly while foaming at the mouth. This went on for long agonizing minutes which felt like hours. Years, even.

I felt Phil grab me, and drag me off somewhere by my hair.

I felt myself being thrown over something, with strong winds whipping by, as well as the sound of waves crashing. I felt myself falling until I roughly hit the water, making me screech out in pain, bad idea though because I gasped for air but only received water. I tried to swim upwards but failed each time, only traveling downward each time.

I gazed up at the surface of the water while slowly seeing my vision darken and darken until I was unconscious.

* * *

What happened?

Everything's black. . . was I dead?

I couldn't remember a single thing. Only that the pain had once sky rocketed through my body at some point. Like a wild animal was tearing it apart.

Only a single sound infecting my mind.

_Beep. . . _

_Beep. . ._

_Beep. . ._

What was that annoying beeping that was invading my head?

I finally mustered up enough strength to open my eyes. Everything was bright yet, incredibly foggy at first. Then, I looked to my right to where the sound I was hearing was coming from.

I was a heart monitor. I was in the hospital.

I knew _Phil_ wouldn't ever_ dream_ of bringing me here, so who did?

"Ah," I looked over to a nurse in panic and gasped for no reason. "You're finally awake," she beamed at me. "I'll go get Dr. Herman."**(Emetrip1 told me 2 use a German name so this is 4 her! Plus Her-man LOL xD)**

I took the chance to observe my surroundings. The room was big and had cabinets and shelves and counters with all sorts of things. Next to me was a small silver table-like thing with medical equipment on it. The hospital bed reeked of a sick bleach smell that made me wrinkle my nose. I caught a glance at my hair to see it was in it's naturally curly phase. Ugh, I hated it that way. I put a hand through the wild tangles to calm the wildness of it but I knew it was useless so I just gave up.

A sudden hit of fear got to me. I was scared now if Phil was furious and wanted to choke me to death. I started singing a song in my head to clam me down. But it was also hopeless. Images flashed rapidly through my head at what Phil could possibly do.

Suddenly I was taken back to when my dad was killed and I shut my eyes so tightly and covered my ears so I wouldn't have to hear any sounds. None of the screaming or shouting or cuss words that had been thrown around that dreadful night. It didn't work I could still hear everything and see the red and blue glare of the police lights and the alarming sound of the ambulance coming to us.

I started hyperventilating and my chest started to ache. As if a thousand thorns were being plunged into my heart. I swung my feet off of the pure white bed and tried to land on my feet but with no avail, my knees were the first to feel the cold tile of the floor. I yelped in pain as the syringe was yanked out of my arm. The heart monitor started to go in a straight line with a continuous loud beep sound which indicated death.

Suddenly, the door burst open and I looked at the nurse and Doctor that had looked at me in shock as I lay there on the floor gasping for breath but my ribs were hurting awfully. The Doctor rushed over to me and put another syringe into my arm. . . I blacked out for the third time today.

* * *

". . . should heal fairly quickly. . ." I heard a male voice in the distance say. Another one, ". . . almost an animalistic attack. . ." Somewhere around this I wake up again. Calmly though. My eyes shot up to the tall Doctor that was looking over me with a relived smile on his mostly bearded face and kind pale, green eyes.

"God, you gave us all a good scare," he said with a light German accent. "Do you remember anything?"

Of course I did now. It all came back to me. Phil, the water, the screaming. But I didn't want to cause trouble so I shook my head 'no'. Dr. Herman, I believe, looks at me skeptically. As if he were looking for any injuries.

I saw him turn around to grab a small flashlight and shines it in both of my eyes. He was checking to see if I had a concision. He turns off the bright light.

"Would you like me to tell you your injuries?" He asked me. I nodded my head. "Well, I can start of by saying that you are a lucky girl. You have a broken ankle which I had to fix again after you fell of the bed. Also, you had three broken ribs and bruise marks almost everywhere on the upper half of your body. You also had some major internal bleeding but everything checks out very highly well. There were glass pieces in some places on your body but we removed them so you now have stitches to close up the wounds. Lucky the shards weren't deep in your skin."

The injuries-well some of them- must have been from Phil.

"Luckily for you, that Jacob boy saved your life." Jacob? As in Jacob Black?

"Jacob Black?" I asked him silently. Dr. Herman nodded right away. Jacob. . . he saved my life. . . I had to thank him somehow. "Is-is anyone here?"

"Yes. Him, his father and your mother."

"Can I see them?"

"Absolutely," he responded. I watched as he turned to open the double doors to the room and saying "She wants to see you all."

My heart started to race as they all walked in. Mom was the first one to race over to the bed and hug me while minding the injuries. I wrapped my arms around her waist lightly as she kissed the top of my head. Mom pulled away and I could see her puffy, red eyes from all of the crying. She still had tears running down them now. She sniffled as I wiped away some of the currently falling tears. Momma walked away to get a tissue for herself and pull it together.

"Thank you Jacob," I say to him who was currently standing behind his dad halfway and his hands awkwardly stuffed in his jeans pockets. He looked from the floor and into my eyes. I was mesmerized instantly by the shy honesty in them.

"It's Jake," He replies quietly then grins."And you're welcome. I'm just glad you're not. . . Well, you know."

His dad steps in, "How you feelin'? Hungry? After all you were out for quiet a while." As he says this Mom comes back to sit on the bed in her track suit which she happens to wear more these days, except when she goes to work.

My stomach felt empty so I nodded but also said, "Maybe after some rest."

Mr. Black nodded knowingly and motioned Jacob who broke his stare away from me to leave the room with him. They all left except for Momma who was stroking my flushed cheek without a word. Then, slowly, I drifted off into a peaceful nap.


	5. Decode

**Me: Hey Edward, sup?**

***reads my mind* Edward: admit it**

**Me: *plays dumb* I have no idea wat ur talking about vamp.**

**Edward: just say it or i'll delete ur story**

**Me: *sighs sadly, looks down and mumbles* I don't own twilight SM does =( **

**LOL xD ty 4 the review guys! they mean alot! and thnk u 2 my buddayy emetrip1, U ROCK!**

* * *

_"I think I know, I think I know,  
There is something that I see in you  
__It might kill me, I want it to be true"_

_Decode- Paramore_

_

* * *

_

I ended up with a broken leg from saving Nessie yesterday. It was definitely worth the look in her eyes when she woke up from the huge fiasco. I had to admit I was scared stiff when they loaded her into the ambulance and put that air mask over her mouth.

I promised her and myself-but mostly her- that I would figure out who that mystery killer was.

Esme couldn't thank me more than once when she heard that I saved her daughter. Heck, I was even in the local paper of _Forks Weekly Newspaper_. As soon as some of the reporters saw the ambulance leave the beach made them think that they would get one heck of a front page.

They all interviewed my dad, me and Esme and even some of the nurses who were in the ER with Ness. But they got more from Doctor Herman. According to him Nessie had some broken ribs, ankle, some major internal bleeding and could've been dead if I didn't dive in to "save the day".

I remembered reading the front page:

_WASHINGON:_

_Local Indian Native Saves Girl from Certain Death_

_It had been known on September 15th, 2010 that a high school senor and Native American from Forks High School was brave and courageous enough to plunge into sixty feet of water from an eighty foot cliff to help an unconscious eighteen year old girl from a watery grave. The hero mentioned above is the son of one of La push's most known psychologist William Black, Jacob. _

_The young female has been identified as Renesmee Carlie Cullen/Platt the former daughter of the well known Doctor Carlisle Cullen of Forks General Hospital, who was murdered on September 8th , 2002 at least eight years ago in Seattle by a famous gang. His daughter is under the careful eye of his old college Doctor Herman. Herman says that Renesmee is currently under the influence of the hospital's drug to put her to sleep after surgery. _

_Herman says that she survives with a broken ankle, three cracked ribs and suffered of major internal bleeding in various parts of her body. The German surgeon was surprised to find multiple bruises mostly on the upper body, midsection, and legs of the eighteen year old female. _

"_I've never really seen something like this," Herman, 38, admits to reporter Jasper Hale. "Her attacker must be someone with a history of steroids to explain the marks and some abrasions found on her back. The best way I can describe the beating is similar to two bears fighting over meat."_

_Further testing on the young Cullen's injuries were sent to a lab in the Seattle Providence Hospital. Shocking results show that she was given a serious dose of a toxin- Ativan- to knock her out and nearly kill her. Even before this attack she was revealed to have a sprained arm and four bumps on her head though not strong enough to cause a concision, luckily for her. _

_Jasper Hale interviewed Renesmee's psychologist Mr. William Black. Black, age 49, tells reporters that he had only recently begun his "treatments", as he like to put it, with Renesmee. He told us-after a while- that he had been undergoing this with her by her mother and the hospital's request after an almost committed suicide. William was shocked to hear that his son had been sent to the hospital yesterday in the late afternoon while in his office._

_Even more shocked with the new was the former Mrs. Cullen, Esme. At thirty-five years old, Esme is a re-married woman living with her daughter and her new husband, Phil Platt. She is a teacher at Forks Elementary School about less than an hour away from her residence. Although having to deal with her daughter's almost death, she worries how long Renesmee had kept the secret of the injuries before the body drop overlooking the cliffs of First Beach, La Push. _

"_. . . I just am surprised that she would keep this away from me. Everyday I ask her if she was okay and she would respond by simply nodding and now I'm worried that someone would repeatedly break into the house and threaten to kill her if she didn't let her get beaten," Esme confesses._

_Chief Swan has job of finding out who was behind this attack. He starts off by gathering information from everyone who has ever had any interaction with the small family. Though he has a long way to go to get the answers, he is determined to bring this criminal mind to justice. _

I tried my best not to rip the paper to shreds after I read and re-read this four times. In my mind I still saw the mystery killer. Big, tall, blonde with an army-like cut to it, black sun glasses and a big frown on his face. Like it was permanently printed or molded on there.

I was in the hospital right now getting a view at the X-rays that were taken of my leg from the tips of my foot to the bottom of my thy. The same doctor that treated Nessie showed me that the leg would heal in a matter of months. He said that I probably made impact on a rock when I was under water or that the crashing waves made the right side of me hit a a wall of rock.

Either way I couldn't drive with my right leg or participate in football games. I knew that the team would think I was an idiot for diving in after Nessie, but hell, she was worth it.

I had never seen Jared or Embry scared that much since we were thirteen and stupid enough to go see three scary movies in one day. . . the difference was that this was real.

My dad was looking at the X-rays as Herman was pointing to where my leg was hurt most. It wasn't much though, I knew I would live. Dad was proud of me for being so selfless and going after Ness. He said that he could never do that in a hundred years. Jump off a cliff, I mean, not save a girl from death. I guess in that last department we both had something in common.

The hospital made me stay in there for at least a week, so I asked Embry, Jared and Quil to bring me the homework for each day and turn it in the next.

The doctor said that I should take it easy on my leg so I pulled a chair in front of me when Nessie was still in her hospital room. So when she woke up I dragged my leg lightly and leaned on my dad for some support to get in the room.

I let out a huge breath of air that I had been holding for the past few hours when I saw her prepped up on the bed with nasal cannula hooked up to a machine and more needles and tubes coming out of her. Even though I didn't want to see her like that, it was much better than what I saw at the beach.

* * *

"Hey guys," I called to my dad and Herman after a long half hour of looking at the skeleton pictures of my leg. They turned around to look at me. "Can I go see how Nessie's doing?

Doctor H. grinned a little and without a word, went to get a wheel chair. Dad came next to me and sat on a plastic chair.

"How do you _really_ feel about her Jake?" He asked me. I didn't pretend to misunderstand him.

"I just feel like- like. . . she's just something else," I sighed happily. Billy smiled. "Nessie just- I don't know. Just something about her reels me in and. . ." I paused to smiled while looking at the door just thinking about her, "I really love her."

There. I said it. I told Billy that after a short- an incredibly short- amount of time that I had fallen completely head over heals in love with Nessie Cullen (I don't say Platt because Cullen suits her more).

Just then, the Doc. came back with a black wheelchair. Dad and Herman helped me into it and the Doc. wheeled me to the room next to mine.

I opened the light wooden door and I looked at Nessie's sleeping face. She looked like and angel, a pale one at that which kind of worried me, but at least some of the blush had returned to her cheeks as opposed to the other day. When she was just a see through wax-like dummy you see at a museum.

I took a glance at Esme who was sleeping silently on the long bench-like ottoman that was connected to the window that gave light to the room and a blanket covering her. I felt sorry and wondered why she ever married Phil.

_Was it ever a forced marriage? _I wondered silently.

I shook my head as Herman left the room and I wheeled my self over to Nessie's white and pale blue bed. Her face was pointed to the ceiling and her eyes were closed with dark bags under them, but they were easy to ignore if you saw through them. Her wild curls really looked beautiful on her and brought out even more beauty than before.

I kept staring at her, lost in my imagination.

I was thinking of a list of people who would want to do something cruel to my Ness. The only person that kept coming up was Phil because he was the only one home. But I found out later I was wrong.

I hear the door open and I looked over. I saw a tall man. He was tall and looked like he could beat my ass a mile up a mountain and back. His hair was brownish gray and partly bald but it made him look tough. His greenish-blue eyes looked at me like he was deciding whether or not to beat me up.

"Who are you?" I asked him quietly but seriously.

"I'm her step-father. Phil Platt. Who the damn hell are you?" Oh crap.

_Nessie's step-dad_ eyed me menacingly.

I answered, "I'm Nessie's. . . " I contemplated to say 'boyfriend' but I knew I would get in trouble, " friend." On the inside I winced. Somehow and I had no idea why, but suddenly, the man at the cliffs ran through my mind.


	6. When You're Sleeping

**I dont own twilight SM does** ***thinks: I wish I did* **

**ALL RITE PPL LISTEN! If u want 2lockyness4you(ME) to get Jake and Nessie together, u hav to get her (her as in 2lockyness4you) ****REVIEWS! or i will update _painfully _ SLOW. . . on the other note hav safe holidays everybody this is my last chapter before 2010 ends and i look forward to updating into chapter 7 after break.**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY 2011 (LETS HOPE WE SURVIVE 2012 xD) (BTW: all of the chapter titles w/ the lyrics of songs are actually the playlist for this story =D )**

**Enjoy! =)**

* * *

_ "And you share all the secrets_  
_And the mystery_  
_When you're sleeping_  
_I saw your tears_  
_Violet, violet_  
_And it's been years_ _The sky's been  
__crying for you  
__I found out_ _Beautiful things about you"_

_When You're Sleeping- Natalie_

* * *

". . .friend. . ." I hear a husky, masculine voice say. I stirred a bit in my sleep and open my eyes. I blinked a few time to clear up the image and got a clear view of where the wall and ceiling were connected.

I turned my head and saw Jacob on a wheel chair next to me. There was a long black cast on his leg and immediately, I felt guilty. I looked away from him and see Phil standing nervously at the door of my room.

My eyes widened out of fear a little but I calmed down before they could see it. Mom was asleep on the long bench.

Phil stepped forward. "You mind to give us privacy, kid," he said to Jacob. Jacob looked at me nervously like he wondered if something bad was about to happen. His eyes were just the smallest bit widened like he was scared or worried; I couldn't place it.

Jacob rolled out of the room. Until Phil was sure he was gone he paced quickly next to me. His eyes had a fury like I'd never seen before- believe it or not. I kept my face still and calm though, he couldn't do anything to me with Mom in the room in a crowded hospital. Phil's hands were twitching at his sides deciding whether or not it was worth getting in trouble for wanting to choke me to death here.

He took in a deep, angry breath. "Did you tell them anything?"

I looked back at him, dead in the eye and replied, "No." He seemed to calm down.

"Are you lying to me?"

"No," I said to him boldly. And then with that, he left. I sighed as relief washed over me.

Jacob opened the door again and rolled back in as soon as Phil left. I gave him a small smile but it probably looked funny with the nasal tubes. The nasal tubes weren't the only tubes or wires hooked to me. The syringe of the IV from my clumsy fall to the ground the other day gave me a mark on my wrist.

"I really don't know how to thank you." To be truthful, it was a half-lie. The feeling that I would be happier if I died still existed in my mind and the thought stuck there. Like weeds.

"Well. . ." He stuttered trying to think of something. I thought it would be giving him money or doing him a favor but he surprised me by saying, "You could tell me about yourself."

Oh crap, not this. Tell him about myself. I was part of a family where I was kidnapped and almost killed on the same night my dad did. A good year after Mom re-married, our bank accounts went bankrupt. They said all of the money was deposited and that they couldn't give it back to us in any way or else it would be against the law. Then our house was sold for foreclosure and we were living in a decent shack with a tiny porch. Finally my favorite, I was treated like a slave, abused and almost killed twice.

I shrugged, "What do you want to know?"

Jacob bit his bottom lip thinking about it. "What's your favorite subject?"

"Well, I think all of them, honestly. But if I had to choose, it would be Language Arts because I like to read." When I was younger I had a lot of books nut I had to give them away for people who needed them more. That was why my dad and I were in Port Angeles that night, because there was the same Border's that Jacob and I went to and on our way back. . . I'd rather not think about it.

"Mmmm. . . Favorite TV Show?"

I looked back at him. "I really don't watch TV that much. If I did, it was only to see the morning news for at least five minutes."

His mouth went agape. "If I was in your shoes I would be dead without TV, I'm jealous."

I had to snort. "What are you jealous of?"

He answered immediately, " Well, your house is closer to the woods, mine is closer to a court house."

We laughed. I laughed in irony though. At least he had a house, I had a shack.

"Alright, next, what's your favorite color?"

"Well, it would have to be dark green. You know, like a forest green." I used to be in love with anything girly or puffy, now it was almost impossible for anyone to see that little girl now. I chuckled silently in my head, yet, I smiled sarcastically on the outside.

"Really?" Jacob asked as his voice rose an octave in surprise. "I thought most girls would say pink, purple, red or blue. You're part of the three percent of young women with a personality. You wanna why most girls say things like blue? To fool guys."

To fool men? That was too easy. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "Why or how would they fool guys?"

Jacob shrugged, "I dunno. To be honest, I think it's just to make the guys more interested in them."

"That is pathetic," I sighed loudly. I hold no idea why though. I wasn't annoyed. To take in breath maybe. . .?

Despite the fact that Jacob and I ever had contact- as in being able to be in a conversation- how come I was so confident with him now. At the thought I looked down away form his awed gaze. I had to admit spending the day with him at Border's, I developed a crush for him. His smile made me feel nice, at home. Though his nose was shaped funny, it was cute. His hair was devilishly cropped, since the whole "getting-thrown-off-a-cliff" incident, it was worn down. And my favorite was how his eyes had a tint of green within all of the deep, yet light brown colored eyes.

But, my happiness and adoration lasted about three seconds. Then, I remembered how I lived and how he lived. I remembered that he had goal in his life that were more important to him. I remembered that he thought I was a crazy person.

I looked down at my feet as the blush rolled onto my cheeks. My eyes turned sad.

I must have been quiet for a long time.

"Nessie? Are you okay?" I heard Jacob ask. Nessie? Who was Nessie? The only other person in the room was my mom's sleeping figure curled up on the bench.

I looked back at Jacob with my head still resting on the pillow like_ he_ was the crazy one. "Who's Nessie?"

"You're Nessie," he informed me. "Renesmee is a nice name but it's just too long for me."

I giggled. "You named me after the Lock Ness Monster? Something tells me that you don't a lot of second dates or none at all." He guffawed.

Which woke Mom up. She swung her legs and stretched her arms out. "Wh-at was tha-t," she yawned. Then, she blushed when she saw that Jacob was in the room. No matter what my mother was and always will be a woman of class.

"Sorry, Mrs. Platt," Jacob dragged out every word so that he sounded like a pre-schooler talking to his teacher. Mom smiled. She got up and sat down on the hospital bed all the while not smuthering my legs. She buried her hands on both side of my scalp into my hair.

Mom rubbed it a little. "You sweet girl," she said sweetly.

I took in a breath. My mother and I were close but I rarely ever heard that. I heard "I love you" everyday. It was nice, this moment.

"Has he hit his head on something?" I heard a deep masculine voice say behind the wooden door. In which our sweet yet awkward- because Jacob was here- moment.

The a man opened it, he resembled Jacob very much and wondered if they were brothers. Three other stranger and Billy were standing behind the unnamed man. Two identical women and one other man.

"Rach, Becca, what are you guys doing here?" I turned my head that was still laid back on the pillow from Mom to Jacob in confusion.

One of the two women turned angry. "What are we doing here? Well, let's see. I woke up at four in the morning to get a call from Dad saying that you got your ass in the hospital because you dove off a cliff!"

"Becks, calm down. I'll explain everything," Jacob said.

"Becks/ Becca" took in a deep breath as she closed her eyes.

She opened them. "Well, you can explain it from your room. So, get your crazy Native butt down there."

Becks left without a word and the others followed, closing the door. Jacob followed them wheeling his chair. He stopped right in front of the door then, turned to give me one last glance. He opened the door and closed it.

Mom pecked a kiss to my forehead and both my cheeks. "I'll get you some lunch, will you be okay?"

"Yeah, Mom. I'll be fine."

Mom kissed my forehead again, "I'll be right back, don't worry."

I whispered to her, "Okay."

She got up from the bed and walked to the door. She blew me kiss. "I love you," she said.

"I love you too."

Mom pretty smile appeared on her face again. Then with that, she left the room.

I breathed heavily. I was worried about what Jacob asked me today. Why was he suddenly interested in me? Or did he just want to know?

I sighed and let it go for now.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry 4 the w8! School, midterms and all that other stuff. Also a severe case of writers block. And been addicted 2 this mystery show called house of anubis. plus we were learning some new stuff about the holocaust and I watched a movie about Anne Frank and cried. ;^; plus we made choclate ice cream in science =) I'm rlly SORRY! heyyy 1st update of the month and year I'll try to update more (PROMISE!) **

**PLus my B-day was on the 29th of march! yay me!**

**A/N: I picture Nessie as Nina dobrev for some reason. I cant wait until April 7th! =D Also have some more story ideas, review and lemme know if you wanna hear about them. Also Im posting my one-shot about Rome for an English assignment so if you guys could check it out and review tht would be gr8 =)**

**Anyways. . . **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

It was a week after the accident and I was let out of the hospital, the same day Nessie was discharged. The doctor told her to watch her ribs and lay down on her back when she slept. We were in the car right now dropping Esme and Ness to their house.

I was sitting in the passenger's side and Esme was behind me with Nessie's head in her lap. Ness was awake and I tried my best not to make it look like I was hitting on her in front of her mother.

I kept the conversation simple. Like "How are you feeling right now?" "What did the Doc say?" or my personal favorite that really kept her interested, "What's your favorite book?"

"The Scarlett Letter." She said.

"Why?"

"Mostly, I like the mystery, suspense and romance."

Oh, so she liked romance . . . Now all I had to do was be like the guys in romance novels. Except, of course, less pathetic, I couldn't have her think that I was some huge softy that cries during _The Notebook._

I already had a plan to win Nessie over.

#1. Flirt unnoticed (But not so much that I'm coming on too strong).

#2. I have to be braver, be the one to start the conversation.

#3. Treat her right not like she's some kind of toy. She's important and we both had to feel that way.

#4. Kiss her.

#5. Prove that this relationship wasn't some crush or temporary couple thing.

#6. Care for her and make sure that she feels safe and comfortable with me.

#7. Show respect.

I hoped maybe that she wouldn't be trapped in that small house forever. It just wasn't healthy. She didn't have any friends at all? I probably didn't count because she barely knew me. But saving her life counted for something right?

"What's your favorite book?" I heard Nessie's voice call.

"I. . . honestly don't know. I haven't read anything good except what they're making us read in that God forsaken place they call high school."

I heard Nessie's giggle. It was so. . . sweet. Like a million tiny bells ringing. My mind went back to when I heard her laugh in the hospital room. I smiled.

"Speaking of high school," I started, "which one do you go to?"

"Oh, um," Ness hesitated, "I'm home schooled." Was she serious? I mean I suspected it in the first place but still hearing her say it was a little shock. Although, that would explain why I never saw her around town. There was no reason for her to be really. Her mom could do anything from buying her clothes to grocery shopping.

Before I could say anything else, Dad pulled up to their house.

We opened the doors and Billy went to the truck to get the wheelchair for Ness. I would've carried her myself if I wasn't for the cast on my leg.

I limped to the porch with Esme by my side to make sure I didn't trip. She helped me lift my leg over the one step of the porch and unlocked the door.

I walked in and sat down on the couch. Billy wheeled Nessie in. She looked tired. Billy wheeled her past me and to - what I guessed- her room. I stood up and followed them down the small hallway until Ness pointed to a small wooden door. Billy turned her around until she was facing it and Nessie opened the door.

I really didn't expect to see what was inside her room, but I certainly didn't expect it to be the size of my walk-in closet. The walls were pure white and had a small door to what I expected to be her closet. There was only a small white bed in the corner of the room. It was also white with a twin sized mattress and a sheet and a few blankets. Overlooking the room was a window the size of computer screen. The carpet was rough and a dark-ish gray.

Dad wheeled Nessie over to the bed. I walked over to help her get in it, all the while still minding her injuries. I put my arms around her back lightly and lifted her feet up a little. I laid her down on the bed and we locked eyes.

Hers were so genuine and beautiful. The deep mocha-chocolate color hypnotized me, but I had to quickly snap out of it before anybody suspected anything. Except for Billy who was in on it. The man had to drive me home and I really didn't need him giving me grief.

I stumbled back into the living room because Nessie needed more rest.

"Jacob?" I heard Esme say. I turned around from the seat I was in because she was standing behind me. "I really can't thank you enough."

"Mrs. Platt," it took all of my power not to grimace at the name, "thanks but really, you have to stop thanking me."

"Alright, alright. But just wait until I get my hands on the person who did this. . ." she trailed off. I smirked at the mental image of a nice, small lady like Esme, choking the ten-foot tall guy. I would love to see that. In fact, I could help her. . .

I smiled again as I walked- or more limped- back to Nessie's room.

When I got to the open door, she was staring up at the ceiling. She obviously didn't she me standing at her door, she was too focused on whatever. I was just watching Nessie. I looked at the girl I had fallen in love with so quickly. Her long ringlets were spilling over her shoulders and all over her chest, burying it in hair. Nessie had the cutest nose. Full, pouty pink lips that were begging me to kiss them. Her chocolate eyes were my knees wobble.

I had no idea she caught me gawking at her. "Hey." She grinned.

I cleared my throat so my voice wouldn't come out funny. "Hi."

I walked over to her where a plastic white chair was. It was on the right side of the bed and against the wall.

"How you holding up?" I asked. I tried not to get too mesmerized looking at her cocoa brown orbs.

"Fine." She hesitated.

I just remembered something I wanted to ask. "Can I ask you something?"

Nessie nodded. "Sure."

"What happened before the accident?"

Nessie's eyes darkened, her smile disappeared. "I don't know what you're talking about."

She lied. I could see it, but I didn't say that. "In the newspaper, it said you had injuries prior to the accident. What happened-"

"Nothing," she said a little to quickly that gave away her nonexistent cover.

"Nothing?" I remarked. I pulled out the Blackberry Storm out of my pocket. I went to the favorites on the web and pulled out the newspaper article. I read, "_Her attacker must be someone with a history of steroids to explain the marks and some abrasions found on her back. The best way I can describe the beating is similar to two bears fighting over meat._"

I looked from the phone to Nessie. Our eyes locked and everything was frozen and forgotten. Her eyes showed fear. In fact, her eyes showed everything. So many emotions clustered into one it was almost hard to tell one from another. I was slowly starting to lean close to her lips. I wanted to feel what I felt the first time our lips meant. Only I wanted it to be in a less life-threatening situation and to feel what the kiss would be like with both of us conscious.

"I fell." she said. I, on the other hand, froze.

"What?"

"You asked what happened, I gave you an answer. I fell off a tree." The lie in her eyes were so obvious, a blind person could see it. It was in her voice too.

I shrugged. "Okay." It was definitely_ not _okay. "Well, I'm just going to the pharmacy to pick some stuff up and then I'll be back. I really don't feel like dealing with my banshee of a sister."

Nessie's smile reappeared. It was smaller than the first one. I was definitely not gonna let this go.

I got up from the chair. Nessie's eyes closed. Her smile was still there and I saw dimples. Cute dimples on her cheeks. She was too gorgeous for her own good. Her eyelashes were long and curled at the end. Full lips, pale skin, and brown hair, it was like-like. . . I really can't explain it in words. There weren't any to describe it. The words beautiful and gorgeous seemed like an insult, they really had to come up with new words to explain.

I'll admit I'm obsessed. I loved her, so fast, so soon. . . Was it even possible? For love to hit you so incredibly fast? I don't know; I'm pretty sure no one does.

I walked to the door and turned to look at her one more time. Ness's back was to me and she was curled up. She looked so small. But I couldn't help but notice that the sheet was thin. It was like it was molded to her body. Curves in the right places, incredibly hot. Yet somehow, she managed to look so innocent and cute. I limped back to the living room and past my dad and Esme to the car. Their hands reached forward like they were about to help me but I waved my hand 'no'.

Doc said it would be fine if I did drive as long as I was careful. Thankfully it wasn't my right leg- the leg I use to drive with. I managed to get in the car with some ease.

* * *

I was looking through the isles of the pharmacy looking for some of those Icy Hot patch things. Who ever knew it would be so hard to find one little patch? I was just walking past the snacks and saw someone familiar.

His hair was blonde and tall; about two inches taller than me. He was in dark jeans and a black leather jacket. **(A/N: Picture the guy like michael dorman)** He turned around and I could finally see his face. His eyes were calm but I could see anger. I felt my body tense up and my teeth clench. Then, out of no where, I walk up to him.

"Why did you do it?" I said with acid in my voice, trying to keep it as low as I could. I wished I could have punched him right then and there.

"I don't know what the hell you're talkin' about little boy." Holy crap. That was one scary voice; even if he was talking lowly. He was looking at me up and down like he was examining me to take me down at any given time. I wasn't scared for some reason. I kept a straight face and my lips in a solid frown. We were standing there for a few minutes it looked funny because we were standing absolutely still. Like snakes waiting to attack each other.

"Look, you must have the wrong guy," _Yeah, that's what all the bad guys say last time I checked dumbass. _"So you can go back to your life, and I'll go back 'ta mine." He walked by me and our shoulders hit each other like they did in the movies where you knew a fight was going to happen. I saw what he was holding in his hand. A box of sleeping pills. Why the hell would he need sleeping pills? **(Hint: Foreshadowing)**

I paid for my stuff and got out. I felt like someone was watching my back the entire time. I ignored it and went to my car and threw the bag in the passenger seat. So many question were going through my mind. Did he have some sort of relationship with Nessie? Would she be in danger?

I considered all of the possibilities going through my head but it just didn't add up. Why would Nessie lie about getting hurt? What hell the is going on. . . ? The frustration was already starting to eat away at me about a girl I'd only known for a short time. It normally took two days for me to get a girlfriend if I wanted to date her.

But this one? Nessie was going to take weeks - hell, maybe even months! I was never going to make it. I just hope that my patience would pay off in the end and I would win Nessie.

Now, I just really needed to know exactly what the hell was going on.

* * *

**im INCREDIBLY srry about the long w8 but dont worry, IM BACK! =)**

**Again I really hope u guys could check out the Historical fiction paper I wrote and review it =) it would mean alot =)**

**Sincerely,**

**-2lockyness4you =)**


	8. Chasing Cars

**Hey guys, so anyways review and lemme no if u wanna see a kind of quick summary of some of the stories i may work on and lemme know which ones u like!**

**PLUS! check out my historical fiction paper about Rome tht i posted tell me how i did! my teacher wouldn't give us results yet. on the bright side, mine was the longest essay turned in (8 pages long dude!) My mom got surgery recently and i was very busy w/ school and HW and taking care of her. She had this cancerous tumor in her breasts and it took a while because she switched hospitals. thank god shes ok. My friends mom might have it too, hope shes ok though.**

**Anyways...**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_"If I lay here_  
_If I just lay here_  
_Would you lie with me_  
_And just forget the world?"_

_Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol_

* * *

Lying on my back and staring at the ceiling was consuming most of my time. Jacob had leaned in a little too close to my lips so I had to make something up to avoid a possible kiss and further questions. Falling off a tree . . . and hit every branch on the way down – ha!

Jacob didn't really seem to buy it but I was the worst liar on the face of the planet. Even a handsome – I mean, guy I'd met at least a week ago could see right through me. Why was he so interested in my personal life? Didn't he have a girlfriend he should be paying attention to? I closed my eyes and pictured a girl for Jacob.

Slim and sexy with tan skin and long, flowing, straight blond hair that matched her blue eyes. Full pink lips and a pretty smile that would attract almost all men like Jacob. I compared her to myself. What did I have? I had messy Medusa curls and a funny color to them, plain brown eyes, pale pasty skin and a not perfect body.

I was a boring book worm with no books! I wasn't going to graduate collage nor could I have kids. I knew Phil wouldn't let that happen in a million years. I didn't care what would happen in the future, as long as Jacob wasn't in it. It would ruin everything. Ruin it for him.

Sometimes, I went back and tried to visualize my life if my dad hadn't died that one night. Would I probably have been spoiled and girly like I once was? I would have given _anything_ to change what my selfish actions led to that night. I could see him. My dad, so young for his age yet so wise. The look I saw in his eyes made me feel so safe like I didn't have to worry about anything.

Mom, she was so beautiful. Something I longed for. I wanted to be as beautiful as her and soft and gentle, just like her. I wanted soft beauty and curly, dark brown hair and eyes to match. As a little girl, Mom used to stroke my face because the touch was so soothing to me – as odd as that sounds. Now, we just a little farther than before, despite the small living space.

She worked as a teacher on weekdays and a receptionist for a local business and worked some 12 to 14 hours on Saturdays, Sundays were off though.

Mr. Black was especially nice to me for some reason. Was it because he felt sorry for me or because he actually liked me. . . ? Probably because it was a part of his job.

Not really any part of my days were exciting. Just sit in my room, clean, cook and of course, get hit. I didn't really care anyways; why should I? It's not like I had something to live for, aside from Mom.

I think my medicine is messing with me; I want to sleep but I can't. I kept thinking about Jacob. Was it possibly because he save my life? Or did I-

"Hey again," I heard him say. I turned my head to see Jacob standing at the door- which wasn't really that far away from my bed, maybe even only two feet in distance.

"Hi."

Jacob walked- or rather limped because of his cast- to the chair that was still next to my bed. He sat down.

"So. . . ?" He trailed off. I felt the corners of my mouth pick up slightly at his attempt to start a conversation. Shouldn't he realize by now that I was the worst conversationalist?

"You have a nice smile." What? Did Jacob really just say that? "I-I mean, you should smile more often." Odd. . .

"Uh. . . thanks. . . I think."

"So, tell me something."

"Like what?" I asked.

Jacob shrugged. "Anything.

I thought over what I could tell him. That is, if it wasn't going to get me in trouble. "I like chocolate."

He chuckled. "Who doesn't?" I liked it when he smiled. It made me smile, but I had a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. "What's your favorite. . . movie? I liked Avatar."

I exhaled through my nose, gosh I was tired. "Nothing."

"Nothing at all? We'll just have to fix that. How about when you get better, we go see one."

My heart fluttered. I stared at him with stressed, narrowed eyebrows. I didn't like being about too many people, I was perfectly fine in my little bubble. "No."

Jacob pursed his lips. "What if you came over to my house?"

I sighed and closed my eyebrows. A big house flash behind my lids, a huge TV, us on a couch with popcorn with his arm around me. Something I found out about Jacob, he was too persistant for his own good.

"I just - I don't want to."

"Oh." He sounded sad. "I - I just thought that, you know _-" Jesus, when will this stop?_

I opened my eyes and looked at brown- hazel green eyes, _hopeful_ eyes. Part of me wanted to cheer him up, the other wanted to walk away. It was easier that way. Wasn't it?

"Yeah, I know. I just," I paused, "don't have friends." That was really the best I could do? Why can't he just leave me alone?

"You have me, " Jacob fired back. "You could go to my school and make some."

I exhaled sharply, stressed and looked up at the ceiling avoiding his gaze. I didn't want him."I'm fine."

"Okay. I just thought that you wanted to get out of here every once in a while."

"What's wrong with the way I live?" I looked at him. "I'm with staying here."

"I didn't mean that." He leaned closer. "What do you want to be?"

_Happy and away from you!_, I thought. "Nothing."

"Nothing? Absolutley nothing?" Jacob asked increduously. He started again, but this time he was closer to my face and started to whisper,"So are you saying you don't want to have adventures? You'd rather stay here and be depressed?"

"I am _not _depressed," I whispered brokenly back at him.

"I know you're not," He breathed. I leaned up on my elbow so our faces were about the same height. Bad move, if I leaned closer our foreheads would be touching, I was less than two or three inches away. I could smell his scent. Musky, earthy and men's cologne. I laid back down flat on my back on the uncomfortable bed, looking back up at the empty ceiling. I closed my eyes, I could feel myself slowly drifting off.

"I'm so tired," I whispered.

"Okay," I heard him say. "I'll see you later."

A then, it was black and quiet.

* * *

I fell to the ground. I hit floor with a grunt. I bit back a scream rising in my throat.

"Get up," He growled. I lift myself off the ground as fast as I could. I saw Phil in the darkness. It was dark all throughout the house. Where was Mom?

"Where's my mom?" I croaked.

"She's fast asleep, she won't hear us_." Or just you. . . _**(A/N: The guy w/ the sleeping pills, just thought that would clear it up.)**

"Just beat me and get it over with Phil. I can't fight back," I breathed tiredly, for some reason, my legs were shaking.

The kicks hit my stomach and shockwaves ran up to my ribs. I whimpered through tightly sealed pouted lips. Fists started to hit my sides and sent pulsewaves of pain to my heart. I clenched my fists so hard I could've sworn I saw blood dripping out of my palm. I groaned lowly. He smashed my leg with his huge leather clad foot. I took notice that he was in all black.

I thought he was done but then he put a hand around my throat. My sore - and probably bruised - body against the wall. I hit it with my spine with a loud _thump_.

"Who was he?" Phil growled angerly again. He sounded so animalistic. He added some pressure to my throat and moved me up against the wall causing friction to hurt my spine.

"Who?" My voice was strained from his hand.

"The one who helped you out of the water." He said with clenched teeth, I could have sworn I saw veins pop out of his large forehead.

"Jacob Black."

"How do you know him?"

I paused and wondered if I should tell him. I felt being pulled away from the wall thinking that this was over, until I felt getting hit against the wall again.

"Therapist's" -_gasp_- "son." I coughed due to the lack of air in my small lungs.

"Good."

All of it happened so fast.

I was thrown to the floor so fast it was all a blur. My cheek hit the hard carpeted ground. I tried to get my arm onto the bed. My spine pulsated with a burning, aching pain.

_I can handle it, _I thought. I groaned and lifted my numb body on the bed. I closed my eyes and moaned slightly.

_"You have me."_

Those three words from Jacob's mouth ran through my mind over and over agin until it all went black again.

And I was happy. With just those three words.


	9. For the First Time

**hey so below this chapter im putting up story ideas i'll post when I'm done w/ Home. And check out my other story about Rome. HEY! tht rhymes!**

**A/N: this chapter is based off my favorite song in the whole world =) by THE SCRIPT! =D U have to understand the song to get why I put this song for it.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_"She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart_  
_While i'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar_  
_And we don't know how we got into this mad situation_  
_Only doing things out of frustration_  
_Trying to make it work but man these times are hard"_

_For the First Time- The Script_

* * *

Nessie was on my mind the entire night. I don't what the dream meant; we were just looking at each other. Like I was in complete fascination of how gently the skin of her fingers felt when they were on the sides of my face. We kissed in the dream; I was on top of her with both our eyes closed and our lips connected.

It was the best freaking dream I had in a while. I wanted her so badly, but I had to go slow for her sake. Wasn't there anything I could do? God, why was this so hard? If Ness loved – well at least I hope did – me back, then why was it hard? We almost kissed twice yesterday! Then, she stopped it both times. Did that mean . . . ?

I shook my head. I was sitting down at the big marble table in our kitchen during breakfast, pancakes with bacon and toast. I was a little sad today. I didn't know why but Nessie had something to do with it. I just picked at the food with the fork and I heard Rachel.

"Jacob 'The Bottomless Pit' Black isn't eating breakfast? Have I entered an alternate universe?" Rachel teased. And naturally, Rebecca should join in any second now.

"He didn't eat breakfast?" she asked. Becks came over to feel my forehead. "Do you have a fever?"

"Ha Ha. I'm laughing so hard." I said in an extremely dry voice. I can't say I didn't laugh myself. Rachel and Becks always teased me, I remembered Becks saying that we wouldn't be family without it.

Paul walked in eating an apple. "Hey." He went over to kiss Rachel's cheek. Gross. Paul looked back at me. "If you're not gonna eat that I don't know who you are."

We all laughed again. I put one of the pancake pieces in my mouth to shut them up.

"Now that's more like it," Paul sighed.

"So, what's with this girl Dad told me about?" Rebecca asked sitting next to me. "Is she pretty?"

"What girl?" Paul asked. "There's a girl?"

"Yes, and I don't want to talk about it. Where's Ian?" I tried to change the subject. Ian was Rebecca's husband from Hawaii.

"Oh, he's still asleep. Jetlag and stuff you know? He's lived in Maui his entire life. Don't change the subject, who is she?" Rebecca pressed.

"Nessie, are you happy now? And besides, she's just a friend." _For now anyway._ "I gotta go or I'm gonna be late."

I grabbed my backpack and headed out the door to my Rabbit Volkswagon and drove to school. The city was the same, always was, always will be. I got to the school parking lot and found the only available space in the back. I grabbed my backpack from the passenger seat and put it on my shoulder, opening the door and minding my leg. Finally, I shut the door and tried to get to Quil's car across from mine. . . that was until Jessica Stanley decided to cut in - ex-girlfriends are a killer.

"Jake! Oh my gosh! I saw you on the news! You're so brave." Jessica talked too much and too loud, to top it all off, she had a really squeaky voice. I winced on the inside. I used to think she was sexy, now she's below average compared to Nessie. What did I ever see in her? Thinking about Jessica and I, I wanted to puke so badly.

"Thanks -" Of course, Jessica cut me off.

"Well, everybody thinks you're a hero," Jessica smiled and put her hand on my biceps and gave it a squeeze with her finger nails that dug into my skin, I swear, blood came out. "Including me." She blinked her eyelashes fast, was there something in her eyes?

"Yeah, well, I'm sure anybody would have done it -" Really? Then again, what else do you expect from Jessica 'Jabber- Jaw' Stanley - a nice nickname Jared picked out for her after they dated.

"I wouldn't. You're so brave."

"Um, look as much as I hate to cut this short," _Come, on Jake. Think of something. Save yourself! _"I have a girlfriend."

_Dammit! Why would you tell her that asshole?_

"Really?" Jessica looked pissed but tried to cover up her clenched teeth with a smile. She dug her fingers deeper in my skin. "Do I know her?"

"No, actually, she doesn't go to our school."

"Why? Is she home-schooled or something?"

"Yeah, she is."

"What's her name? Come on Jakey, tell me." Jeeze, pushy. Oh look, another reason not to date the school blab/ skank.

_Shit! _"Um, the thing is, we're kind of um-" I stopped when Quil interrupted. _Thank you god!_

"Hey you guys," Quil smiled, he put his arms around both of us. He pointed at me and looked at Jessica. "I really need to borrow him for a sec, so, see ya."

He pulled me away and to his car with the rest of the guys. Jared laughed of course. "Sorry man, I would've gotten you if my ears didn't bleed around her."

They laughed and I smiled sarcastically and nodded my head. "Yeah well, you're an ass." They laughed again.

Seth shrugged. "We all knew that." Ha! "So, how is she?"

I knew he meant Nessie. "She's great."

Embry lifted and eyebrow and smirked. "Great. That's it? Just great. She didn't make out with you to thank you for your heroic act?"

"We almost did."

_"Almost_? What the hell does that mean Jake?" Jared asked.

"Never mind." The bell rang. "Let's just go." I walked into the building and started another day without Ness.

* * *

"So class, let's give a round of applause for Mr. Black for his bravery and for breaking his leg." Haha, you're so funny Mr. Kensington; my first hour History teacher. Everybody chuckled and applauded. I felt myself smile.

"Now let's get back to our History paper!"

"Ugh!" everybody groaned, including me.

The next three hours of English, French and Shop class were pretty normal. I knew I could avoid Jessica for long; she sat at my lunch table. I got excused two mintues early from Shop with Embry and went to my locker. I put everything back grabbed my wallet out of my bag. Embry being Embry hassled me.

"So. . . ?"

"Embry, we didn't do anything."

"I know that I just wanted to know what you like about her." I froze and my eyes grew wide. What did I really know about her? She likes chocolate, her favorite color is green, her dad's dead, and she's living in a kettle.

"Um, she- she," I looked at Embry. He had his arms crossed and eyebrows raised like he was expecting me to go on. "She likes chocolate." _And the winner of Idiot of th Year goes to Mr. Jacob Black! _Nice.

"That's it?" Em's eyebrows furrowed. I slammed the locker shut.

"Well, she doesn't like to talk. What do you want me to say? She enjoys near death experiences? She's a stripper by night?" Oh god. I tried not to picture that.

"No. I just thought that you'd know more. That's all. . . is she really a str-"

"No Em!"

The bell rang saving me from getting a little to picturistic.

* * *

Why God? Why can't just eat my sandwhich in peace?

"Jake," Jessica whined. "Just tell me who she is. Please. I won't tell. Promise." I tried not to die of laughter when those words came out of her mouth. The day 'Jabber Jaw' kept a secret would be the day Jesus comits murder. Ha!

"Look it's private. Okay?"

Jessica glared at me. "Fine."

Thankfully the conversation was between the two of us and the rest of the table - Quil, Embry, Jared, Mike, Lauren, Angela and Eric- didn't hear us. Jessica and Lauren were both girls I had once dated and regretted it. I was the school player since sophomore year. I didn't really care if anybody got hurt. Dad was upset for a awhile after he'd found out I'd been with girls at parties or cars or some other alternative. I felt bad now, thinking of Ness. If we were together someday, would she think of me badly?

"So Jake," Lauren moved in on me "How long are you gonna keep that cast on?" She was right next to me. I was cornered between the top two school skanks.

"Another three weeks. Why?"

"I was wondering if you were coming to Mike's party next week? It'll be fun." Lauren put her hand on my shoulder and one on my knee. Why can't they be good girls like Angela Weber? Or Nessie?

"Um, sorry can't." _I don't feel like getting an STD. _"Doc said I need rest so," I shrugged, "what can you do?" I tried my best not to smile at their disappointed faces.

* * *

The rest of the day went pretty normally and I was back at home on the long black leather couch with my math textbook perched on the armrest. Dad wasn't home, he was probably with some of his clients. He was supposed to see Nessie at six today. I sighed. It was 4:56, why didn't time move faster?

An hour past and I climbed into Dad's car.

"Jacob?"

I looked at him. "Yeah?"

"Look, son, take it easy on the girl. She's had a rough life and I heard what you said to her yesterday; the walls aren't that thick. And if she says no, then respect that.'

"Alright Dad," I mumbled.

"You were right, she is depressed." Dad had a sad look on his face. "Her mom said she rarely ever gets out of that house. We don't know why but Nessie might be acting this way because of her dad's death. She was there you know." Billy grimaced a little.

"She was?" My eyes grew wide.

"Yeah, apperantly it was a form of a failed ransom or kidnapping. They caught the guy though, thank god."

This was all news to me. "Who was it?"

He sighed, "A guy who had parents going under treatment and they died. Carlisle was the one treating them but the people had already lost too much blood. He still blamed him though. Actually, Nessie wan't born when that happened, but she was at court the day after they caught him."

"How do you know this old man?"

"Nessie told me, Esme had to fill in a few blank spots though because Nessie was almost breaking own. It's not exactly depression but more like a disorder I suppose. PTSD for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You've never heard of it."

"How can you tell?" I ignore the last part.

"Well, son, it's all about how the paitent- in this case Nessie- would react to the question. Like remember when you asked her about what she wanted to be and she said 'nothing'. Well, that's one sign right there. Another was when she just looks up at the ceiling, that was a loss of interest. Staying away from the rest of the world and staying in the house for the past few years, agitation, the sleepiness. Sometimes she's paler than she already is. I could keep going on and on."

He was right. Going back over it, I realized Ness really didn't show that much emotion. Or when she was tirecd those few times, when she got mad at my questions, when she refused to go out. That was it. I couldn't believe I never recognised it before. Well, I really didn't even know what was really wrog with her then.

Billy went on, "She feels guilty that she survived and that Carlisle didn't. She loved him alot. So did Esme, she was depressed for a while, she told me. But Esme wasn't there to witness the whole thing."

Was that why Nessie wanted to commit suicide?

"Yeah, it was." I didn't realize I said it outloud.

Finally, we showed up at Nessie's house. Dad and I got out and knocked on the door. Esme opened it with a smile.

"Hello."

"Good afternoon." Dad said.

"Thank you." He got in. "Hello Jacob."

"Hi Mrs. Platt." I stepped inside while I ducked my head slightly under the door frame. I went straight to Nessie's room and opened the door. Hopefully they would mind.

The door creaked open and I found Nessie curled up facing opposite to me. She had a big black turtle neck on which made her look smaller.

"Ness?" I whispered. Her neck craned around to see me. Then she turned her body slowly to fully face me.

"Hi," she whispered.

"Hey." I whispered back. "I'm really sorry about what I said yesterday." I walked over to the corner where the plastic chair was, I grabbed the back of it and brought it over to Nessie.

"It's okay."

"Are you doing okay?"

Nessie hesitated. She looked down and looked back at me. "Fine." Lair.

"Jacob," Nessie's mom poked her head in. "is it okay if you just wait in the living room for a little while? Your father wants a private session."

I got up from the chair so Dad could sit down and ask questions. I followed Esme down the hallway as the door to Nessie's room creaked shut.

"Would you like some coffee?" Esme asked.

"Um, yeah sure."

I sat down and Esme went to the kitchen to grab some mugs and poured the coffee in it. She handed me an orange mug and sat down with the tray of creamer and sugar in the middle of the table.

"So, um, you're quite," she paused looking for the right words, "uh, fond of my daughter?"

My eyes grew wide slightly when I sipped the coffee with my head down.

"It's okay Jacob. I understand."

Oh god. This was awkward.

"Just be careful. I'm warning you, I'm not as innocent as I might look," She smile and sipped her drink.

"Oh, are you an 8th degree black belt?" Esme shook her head. "A secret agent for the government?" Nope. "Then what are you?"

Esme looked at me. "I'm a mother Jacob. I understand you haven't had one in a while. It's alright, I feel the same way about Carlisle."

I stopped to think about what she said. She was right, I remembered when Mom used to look out for me, Rachel and Rebecca. I guess that's why I liked Esme; she reminded me of her.

We heard the door open and close, and in the small space of time, it sounded like Nessie was crying.

* * *

**READ PLEASE!**

**okay, srry cliff hanger, next chapter will explain it all. anyways, here the story summary thingies.**

* * *

**ETERNAL(revised) - Jacob lived in Forks, WA where nothing exciting ever happens. But when Nessie come to town holding a secret that will change his world forever. . . will things ever be the for Jacob again? It's world where only the strongest, the fastest and the most adaptable to change. . . wins. After all, survival is the best revenge. **

**SECRETS- Carlisle is a doctor and Esme is his pregnant wife. When Esme delivers the boy the name Edward, but what's happened to Renesmee? Her eyes are two different colors due to a fatal blow from a kick in the head by Edward. The nurse, Rosalie is forced to take the baby from Carlisle when he decides to put his child in an institution from retarded individuals. How will Renesmee learn that her father gave her up at birth? **

* * *

**THAT'S ALL FOR NOW UNTIL I GET MORE IDEAS, I'D REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR INPUTS ON THESE STORIES!**


	10. We Cry

**_FIRST OF ALL_ I would like to state that Phil isn't the one in the flashback. It was just a thought that would scare Nessie back into the memory. Because of the abuse, she would link it back to her Dad. If you get it great, if not, well, lemme help explain. Phil is her step-dad, the abuse and stuff linked it back to a _certain time_ in Nessie's life.**

**I'm interested to know who your favorite character(s) is!**

**WARNING! : This chapter may contain themes not suitable for anyone under 13. This is a pretty sad/ depressing and descriptive chapter/flashback.**

* * *

_Together we cry_  
_Yeah, yeah, yeah_  
_Together we cry_  
_Whoah oh whoah oh whoah_  
_Together we cry_  
_Oh we cry we cry we cry_  
_Together we cry_  
_Oh we cry we cry_  
_Whoah oh whoah oh whoah_

_We Cry - The Script_

* * *

Mr. Black sat down where Jacob was before he left.

"So I wanted to talk with you about PTSD. Have you heard of it?"

I shook my head while my eyebrows furrow slightly.

"It stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder; anxiety or depression to be exact. It comes from wars, abuse, rape, any violent event that someone experiences. . . You have it."

I was very confused now.

"What does it do?" I asked hoarsely.

"Well, you tend to relive the experience, I've noticed that you don't really care about having a future, you tend to avoid people." He paused, waiting for my reaction. "This might have been brought on by your father's death. Or the recent murder attempt."

My eyes widened just then. _Phil._

I felt myself shaking. My heart was racing as if it was running a marathon. I tried my best _not_ to break down in front of Mr. Black. But I couldn't help it when tears surfaced.

I was back to the night Dad died.

* * *

_The man stabbed him_. _I had my back flat against the blacktop of the lot. The tears were in my eyes when Daddy screamed; he was only a few feet away._

"_Daddy!" I screeched at the top of my lungs._

_His breathing was abnormal. He turned to me and whispered loudly so I could hear it, "I love you so much sweetheart. I'm so sorry it had to be this way."_

_The man stabbed him again. I screamed in horror when blood poured out of Dad's mouth, he screamed in pain. I could feel it. It crawled under my skin shaking me with fear. Then, Dad stopped moving. _

_He was so utterly still, like a porcelain statue. I whimpered. The man that straddled his waist stabbed him more. _

_Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen . . . the man stopped at that. He pulled the knife out of Daddy's chest and got up. Dad was horrible looking. His beautiful grey sweater was stained with blood and the cuts in his chest were visible through it. His eyes were open and glassy, blue, staring right at me._

* * *

"Renesmee? Renesmee?" I heard my mom calling me. I noticed Mr. Black wasn't in the chair anymore. My head was against Mom's rib cage and she was running a hand through my wild curly mess of hair. I didn't want to admit that I was crying.

I was breathing hard as tears fell down my face. I felt dizzy, like I had spun thousands of times in a continuous circle. I felt my stomach flip. Now, I felt nauseous.

"Mom," I whimpered, "I'm going to throw up."

Mom rushed fast out of the room to grab the trash bin. She came back fast and set it in front of me. I threw up everything I had eaten. I felt rotten and embarrassed. Rotten because of the acid in my throat, embarrassed that Jacob and his father were in the next room, probably hearing what was happening.

My head was still bent over the trash can with my eyes closed, I felt exhausted. I felt Mom's hand stroke my hair while the other held it back.

"Are you okay," she whispered.

I nodded, though my forehead was aching. My breathing was rough and loud.

"Nessie?" I saw Jacob standing at the doorway. I pictured in my head how I must have looked to him; atrocious with pale, sweaty skin. My eyes had bags under them from some lack of sleep. My hair must have been a curled mess surrounding my face. My breath probably smelled awful. I swallowed and grimaced immediately at the disgusting taste in my throat. I sighed and laid back on the bed and shut my eyes winced in pain – pain for dad and the aching feeling in my rib cage and spine.

I heard movement and felt Mom get off the bed. I opened my eyes and I saw Jacob back in the chair, why does he even bother?

Jacob reached into his pocket and he got out a packet of gum – Extra to be exact. He pulled out a stick of the gum and unwrapped in handing it to me.

I reached for the gum as I got the silent message. I put it my mouth and chewed silently, then I remembered something. The trash bin was still there! Ugh! I was embarrassed beyond belief. Then, thankfully –somewhat – Jacob grabbed the bin and walked out to put it back in – what I guessed – the kitchen. While he was gone I groaned silently, my embarrassment level had gone up.

Jacob came back. "You don't have to worry about it, everybody does it."

I looked at him and raised my brow.

"I have," he continued, "I've even forced it up one time to avoid a science test in the eighth grade." He chuckled but I didn't laugh with him.

"That's bad for you, Y' know. Your esophagus gets torn and then you die." I didn't know why I was nagging him not to be bulimic; it just seemed like way to get the conversation going. His voice was deep and utterly friendly. He always seemed to be smiling devilishly, it suited his face. I felt like I could look at it forever and not get bored. . . No.

I shook my head to get rid of the thought that Jacob would be interested in someone like me. My little crush for him was spiraling out of control – like a huge tornado.

"I didn't know that," he said. "Did your Dad. . . "Jacob paused like he made a mistake. He did. I felt a pang in my chest. I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes at the pain. I couldn't tell the difference from emotional or physical pain anymore.

"Sorry, I'm still new to this selfless me. I just thought that . . . you know, he would've told you some medical shit or something."

I opened my eyes as I exhaled when I was sure my chest stopped hurting.

"Its fine," I breathed. "Uh, I read through his old medical journal before when he help this one girl that was in the E.R."

He nodded, looking directly at me. I felt naked under his glance despite the huge black turtle neck Phil gave me to cover up the bruises around my neck.

Jacob's face grew a smile. I looked back at him quizzically. "Sorry, you just look tinier than you already are in that thing," he said, referring to the huge turtle neck. "What size is it? 800?"

I let out a giggle. He showed a goofy smile. Oh god, I was flirting now? I felt my cheeks heat up as I blushed. I kept the stupid smile on my face as I tried to avoid Jacob's gaze by staring at the ceiling once again.

"Renesmee?" I heard my mom call me. She appeared at the doorway. "Sweetie, I'm going to go the pharmacy with Billy to pick up some things and I'll be back okay?"

I nodded my head. Mom blew me a kiss and disappeared from view. I heard the door open and shut. Now it was just my and Jacob . . . alone. The silence was oddly comfortable, not awkward.

I sighed, and then Jacob copied my action. I looked from the ceiling to him. I furrowed my eyebrows and he did the same. His face looked funny all scrunched up like that.

I asked Jacob giggling at the same time, "What are you doing?"

He chuckled and asked, "What are you doing?"

I was still giggling, "Stop it."

Jacob laughed, "Stop it."

Now, we both broke out in laughter. I loved his; it was so deep and rich, full of happiness and bliss. My stiches – or what was left of them – tightened. I stopped laughing and let out a small hiss of pain. Jacob noticed my action.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Are you okay?" He sounded so concerned.

"My stitches," I explained as I let out a sigh when the pain stopped.

"Do – do you want me to . . . ?" Jacob left the sentence in mid-air as he motioned to my chest. I blushed at the thought that he was so nice and worried about me; another part of me was scared that he would see the damage Phil done and the fact that he would see under the huge sweater and my bra. I snorted mentally at the ridiculous thought. He would only be disgusted at the site of the pale, dead skin and small bra size. Wait . . . why did I care if he saw my chest or not? This had to stop . . . _now_.

"I'm fine," I reacted defensively. He pulled his hand back like he was hurt, I felt bad but I knew the consequences if he saw.

"Sorry." There was a short pause. "So what do we do now?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"Do you have any homework?" He smiled at the lame question. I frowned and shook my head.

"Am I boring you?"

I stopped to think about that. I came to a conclusion and tried to keep my frown stable while I nodded.

"That's not true, Nessie. I can see the ends of your lips picking up. You're about to crack." He touched the corner of my lip on the right side. The seething fire ran through my body, burning in me in a good way. The skin of his fingers was right on my lips. I could almost taste him. His smell was invading my nose: Pine, musk and cologne.

My lips were starting to tremble. My body was starting to get too excited for such close contact. I never had some guy touch me like he was. It was comforting . . . and so, _so _wrong.

God, what was wrong with me? I wanted to pull away without hurting his feelings but I knew that was impossible.

"Um, s – so . . . how's your leg?" I asked him. It was pathetic of me, really, but it was the best I could do. His eyes were looking straight into the core of me, seeing what no one else could see – not Mom, not Phil, not Mr. Black, not even _my Dad_.

"Fine," he whispered. Jacob was still looking at me; his fingers were on the corner of my mouth to my jaw line, lingering there like a ghost.

Finally, to my relief, I heard the door open and close and Mom's and Mr. Black's chatter. Jacob moved his hand from my face and we both saw Mom and Jacob's father standing at the door. Mom walked to my bed holding her purse and a bag from CVS.

"Hey," I whispered.

"Hi," she replied. Mom sat at the foot of the small bed that, somehow managed to still fit me, and took out a water bottle and a small bag that made noise when she took it out. I knew what it was before she even took it out of the bag. Medication – the only thing that could truly help me out of my misery.

"Renesmee," Mr. Black said, "I want to take these. They're pills prescribed to you called Lexapro." Mr. Black kneeled beside Jacob, in front of me so we could have eye contact. I didn't look in his eyes directly – they were almost as hot as lasers pointed right at me – so I looked at his cheek instead as odd as that sounded, but at least the uncomfortable feeling was gone.

"They're going to help you with your PTSD. It's to help depression and other mood or thoughts you might have. I want to you to take this 10 mg once a day every day. The side effects may increase in some suicidal thoughts 'cause you're under 21. But these will help okay?"

I nodded in understanding.

He continued, "I want you and your mother to go under family therapy with me to increase your chances of getting better. We need to improve how you interact, too. Alright?"

"Yeah, thanks," I said.

"It's my pleasure." Mr. Black smiled and stood up. "Well," he sighed, "Jake it's time for us to go home."

Jacob had a look of disappointment on his face as he got up to leave.

We gave our good-byes and they left.

Mom moved to the plastic chair. She put the bottles on the floor in front of her and combed her fingers in my hair.

"Don't worry, baby." She comforted me. "It's going to be fine."

I took the pill and drank the water. Mom filled me in on the procedure and our day went on as normally as it has been since we moved into the house.

* * *

Night rolled in and I was expecting Phil to come and beat me like the night before. For some odd reason, he didn't.

I was expecting it and waiting for it, but it never came.

I couldn't feel the pill working, I still in anxiety. Why wasn't I bruised, bleeding or broken yet? Why didn't he beat the hell out of me this time like the many other time before?

Some was very wrong; I could feel it in my gut. The pit of my stomach made me feel like I was on a never ending roller coaster that never came down. Like the roller coaster was spinning me, throwing me and escalating higher and higher until I couldn't take it anymore.

I struggled to get out of bed. I limped slowly to my closed door that was mercifully not so far away. I was breathing hard as I opened it. I walked to the bathroom as I heard Phil's snoring and Mom's light breathing from their bedroom. The thought made me want to puke.

I opened the bathroom door, shut it and opened the light, almost barley making my way to the bathroom cabinet under the sink. I knew where Phil's pocket knife was hidden and I took it. I leaned back against the wall almost out of breath. I vividly remembered the times he'd cut the skin of my back or my stomach.

I opened the blade and pulled up the sleeve of the large black sweater. I cut the skin there lightly, like he'd done but less agonizing. I saw the blood pour out and I immediately regretted it. My eyes were often closed when Phil did this, but looking at it . . . I just couldn't handle it.

I pushed myself up and wash off the knife and put it back in its place so he wouldn't suspect a thing. I flushed the toilet to give the impression – in case – that I had to use the bathroom. I washed off my arm and wrapped a bandage around it, pulled the sleeve back down and sprayed a little air freshener to cover up the smell of blood from the bathroom and my arm. I shut the light and door.

I limped back to my bed and laid down on it.

I sobbed silently almost all night. I sobbed for my dad. I wept because Phil had complete control of me. Because I felt like a crazy person whenever Mr. Black came. Because I was slowly falling apart. Because my mother went through hell dealing with me.

Because I knew that Jacob would never be mine.

And then, I finally fell asleep.

* * *

**Okay this chapter was really long and hard to right, as much as I hate to write what happens to Nessie, this could be true somewhere in the world. **

**Anyways, hope you enjoyed Jake and Nessie's moment and sorry for the late update!**

– **2lochyness4you **


	11. Animal

**So last chapter had that last part because Nessie had PTSD for a while and if it's treated almost immediately you'll get better faster but if you can't for like say nine-ten years, then it's really, really bad. So does that help a000stories? **

**If you guys want I could use a beta for minor chapters in this story, BUT I can't tell you how it ends Or some major parts, it's best to keep it a surprise, y'know, it's a mystery for everybody. ;D**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_"Here we go again  
I kinda wanna be more than friends  
So take it easy on me  
I'm afraid  
You're never satisfied  
Here we go again  
We're sick like animals  
We play pretend  
You're just  
A cannibal  
And I'm afraid  
I won't get out alive  
I won't sleep tonight_

_Oh oh_  
_I want some_  
_More_  
_Oh oh_  
_What are you waiting for_  
_Take a bite of_  
_My heart tonight_  
_Oh oh_  
_I want some_  
_More_  
_Oh oh_  
_What are you waiting for_  
_What are you waiting for_  
_Say goodbye to my heart_  
_Tonight"_

_Animal - Neon Trees_

* * *

**NPOV**

I was _not_ alright when Mr. Black came at 7:00 (later than usual) for our family therapy. Jacob wasn't with him this time and Phil was at work.

"Alright, let's get started," Mr. Black took out a notepad and pen. When I woke up, I started to worry immediately. I basically chewed my fingernails to the nub until around 3:00 in the afternoon.

Mom was right next to me on the couch. Both of our legs were curled up underneath us. She wore her hair down and had on black yoga pants with a black, fitting T-shirt. I was in sweat pants and Phil's big sweatshirt; he said he would hurt me later for getting blood on his turtle neck from yesterday.

"So now that we have this whole PTSD thing concluded, I want to ask you about the Lexapro. How do you today?"

I looked down at the gray fabric of the sweatshirt and played with it to avoid his charcoal colored eyes. I could see why he would be the best therapist the hospital mentioned; his gazed could tear right through you.

I shrugged, still looking down. "I don't feel any different."

Mr. Black started to jot down what I was saying. "I understand, it takes about a week or two for the pill to work. It has low risks which was why I prescribed it to you."

"Because I'm under 21 and they have low side effects," I added dryly.

Mr. Black pursed his lips for a moment, and then grinned. "You sound like a doctor already. I bet you're smarter than most kids."

"A lot actually," Mom said. "She's taking collage course classes for math and doing really well."

A blush rushed to my cheeks. Mom always bragged about how smart I was to everyone. I didn't understand what she was so proud of, I wasn't going anywhere.

"That's excellent. Maybe you could help Jacob, he's struggling with math. It dropped from an A- to a B." Mr. Black chuckled like there was some kind of joke behind it. "He wants to be a mechanic and run his own shops at the same time."

There it was. Jacob wanted to be successful, and what did I want to be. My father always raised me with the idea that everyone should be educated. To be doctors and lawyers and do something important in their lives, have families, grandchildren. I wanted to be a teacher then, like Mom. But my dream was different. I imagined helping people who couldn't afford education. Who came from abused families and were poor. Charitable of me, I know, but later on I wanted to be an author or a musician.

Music was something that came from both side of my family. I was exposed to play the piano, violin, flute and clarinet.

Now, those dreams seem to be just that. Just dreams, not reality.

"Renesmee, honey," Mom said. I looked at her with a straight face, no emotion. I saw a hint of sadness, worry and hope in her eyes. "Billy asked you something."

I turned my attention back to Mr. Black.

"I wanted to know, aside from what happened when you were young, and what with the attacker, have you ever been raped or assaulted or anything like that. Have you been or felt like you were abused?"

Oh no. I was a _horrible_ liar! He's going to see right through me!

"Not really, I mean, I _was_ attacked and then the cliff thing, but that's it." Well, I wasn't completely lying was I? I was attacked, the night before the last and before that.

He nodded and wrote down what I was saying.

"Esme, how do think she's been treated these past few years?"

Mom took a few moments to answer. She blinked as she thought over the years. "I think that she's a very, smart . . . woman but I think she's lying to me. But as far as being treated by me, after I only spend so much time with because of my schedule and all I barely see her, but I've treated her pretty well I think. I haven't abused her at all. But Phil spends more time with her anyway, so I guess you'll have to ask him when he gets home."

"So how often do you get out?" Mr. Black looked at me.

"Sometimes to go around the house but that's pretty much it." I leaned my head on Mom's shoulder.

"So I suppose that you're not doing anything on Friday?"

I shook my head no.

Mr. Black inhaled deeply and tossed the pad on the table. He leaned forward and rested his hands on his knees.

"What about going to the movies? Would you like to do something like that?"

I shook my head again.

Mr. Black looked like he had something in mind. "Well, why not?"

"I don't want to go and I don't really have a friend or anything to see it with."

Mr. Black pondered this for a second. He blinked and leaned back in the couch. "What about . . . going back to school? Making new friends? Wouldn't you like that? You know, see new people."

I got mad out of nowhere.

"I've seen PTSD patients enough to know that you have to work against what you do and don't want to do. Going back to school will help with your low self-esteem. If we can work with this _and _be on your medication, you'll be cured within a year. I promise you, at least try to go back for a few weeks."

When he finished I had never felt so frustrated in my life. My eyebrows were mashing against each other in stress.

"Renesmee," Mom called. I didn't look at her; I just continued to glare at the small coffee table in front of me. "I think you should try and go back. I mean, you won't be completely alone right? You'll have Jacob there."

I saw Mr. Black nod in part of my eyesight that was more focused on the table. My head was starting to ache again. I felt tears pool in my eyes.

"I'll think about school." It probably sounded funny with my clenched teeth. I felt the couch shift when Mom got up. She came back two seconds later with a mug of coffee and handed it to me. I drank the Hazelnut coffee like it was water. Despite the sting in my mouth, I was sure that Mr. Black was just going to push me over the cliff. . . Ha!

"That's good, but what about the movies?" Mom was obviously on Mr. Black's side. She turned to him. "Jacob could take her to the movies, right? It'll help to be around people her age."

Mr. Black beamed with a twinkle in his dark eyes. Something set me off about those. They look as if they were so ancient, wise. He was probably no older than 45!

"That's perfectly fine with me and Jake's probably free this Saturday," Mr. Black said. Then he looked at me. "How do you feel about this Renesmee?"

I groaned lowly.

Mr. Black nodded. "But you're not doing anything on Saturday, I presume?"

"Mr. Black – "

"Please call me Billy," he said friendly with a small grin on his face.

"Billy," I sighed. "I don't want to go."

He sighed too. "Renesmee, the more you avoid this, the worse your PTSD is going to get. Worse than it already is now."

I breathed in and breathed out heavily, "Fine."

Then, again did I really have a choice?

**JPOV**

I almost hugged my dad when he came back from Nessie's house. We were going to a movie this Saturday!

**(A few days later)**

The week couldn't pass by long enough until Saturday hit. It was around 7:00 –it took around half an hour to get to Forks – and I was getting ready for the movies tonight. Naturally, Rachel and Becks heard that I a date – wait, it's not a date, anyways, my sisters were helping me pick out an outfit . . . I'll _never_, _ever_ make that same mistake again.

"He doesn't want to overstate it Rach, stop picking out button ups!" Rebecca yelled.

"Alright, alright,"Rach yelled back. "What about white a V-neck?"

Becks gasped, "That's perfect!"

"Guys," I said, they snapped their heads form a white T-shirt to look at me. "I'll handle it."

I got up from the huge chest at the foot of my bed and started to push them out of my messy room. It was like pushing two half empty boxes. They protested the entire time. Finally, I pushed them out and slammed and locked the door as fast as I could. I walked back to the huge walk-in closet and pulled out a black shirt, dark jeans and my favorite hiking boots. I opened the door when I was fully dressed and was thankful that my insane sisters weren't behind the door.

I rushed down the stairs and grabbed my wallet and the keys and put the movie tickets in my pocket. I just put on the leather jacket when Billy called me.

"Yes, Dad?"

"Jacob, don't do anything stupid, please," he begged. I opened the door and yelled, "Don't worry!" before I got into my Rabbit and drove to Nessie's house.

* * *

I got there at almost 7:50. Nessie came out in dark jeans, a gray jacket and her hair was pulled back. My heart raced when she got into the car and shut the door. I noticed her hair was straight instead of curly. She was still gorgeous.

She reached into her pocket and handed me a ten dollar bill.

"What's that for?"

"I wanted to pay you back for getting the tickets," she answered. Nessie pushed the bill towards me but I raised a hand and shook my head.

"It's okay," I smiled. She was really beautiful. "Keep it for snacks and stuff."

I was glad she didn't argue with me when she stuffed the money into her jean's pocket.

"How're the stiches?" I wondered for a second if we should go out tonight if she was still hurt.

"They're fine," she said. There was a slight defensiveness in her voice. Then, she scrunched her nose up. Nessie looked kinda cute when she did that.

"How's your leg?"

"Fine, it just sucks that I can't play football for a while."

Nessie nodded and I pulled out of the driveway and we were headed to Port Angeles.

* * *

"What movie were we watching?" Nessie asked. We were standing in line to get popcorn, soda and candy. Our movie started at 8:30 and now it was around 8:25.

"Um, it's called 'The Apparition' it's a horror about some kind of haunting." Alright, I confess, I wanted to hold her hand when she got scared, plus, Nessie said anything but romance.

She nodded. "So, are you going to get nightmares?" She grinned a little after that, I tell you, it knocked the wind outta me.

"Nope," I made a popping sound at the "p". "Are you?"

Ness shook her head no. She turned to the candy bar guy. He was looking at her in a way I didn't like. I wanted to punch the creepy smile off his face.

"Whaddo you want, hun?"

"Um . . ." Nessie looked at me real quick, like she was nervous to talk, "can I have a small popcorn with no butter?" 'Ugly' nodded, "a medium Coke and some Sour Patch Kids, the watermelon?"

The guy got started and gave her the things she ordered; he put them in a container thingy. "That'll be $4.50."

Nessie handed the guy the ten bucks from earlier and stuffed the change back in her pocket.

"So, my name is Alec if –"I cut _Alec _off.

"I want a large popcorn, with butter, a large root beer, two packets of Resse's cups and some Twislers."

Nessie looked at me, almost like she wanted to laugh. The Alec guy looked pissed and started to get me what I wanted and put in the container/ tray.

"Oh and could you get me some skittles?"

Alec smacked it on the counter. I was trying not to pound this dick's face in. He charged me and I paid.

"Keep the change," I muttered. I put my arm around Nessie's shoulders. She stiffened for a second and grabbed her cardboard tray and we walked into theater 7.

"Why were you rude?" I looked down a Nessie. I noticed my arm was still around her. Her shoulders looked stiff still so I took my arm off her and held the tray with both hands.

_Nothing stupid, nothing stupid, you promised, _I thought.

"He was holding up the line, Ness. Don't you think those other people deserve their expensive theater food to?" I smirked at my own joke. Nessie smiled a little.

We got into the dimmed theater to see the movie already started. We took our seats in the back and sat down with the trays in our laps and the drinks in the holders.

The movie was ok . . . until the main couple in the film . . . were uh, how should I put it? Fooling around, that's what my grandfather would say.

I looked over see Nessie's eyes widen and then look down, still wide. I wanted to laugh but I couldn't, so I just kept my mouth shut and followed her lead.

I even put my index fingers in my ears so I would get too excited.

We stayed like that for a good half hour until we were sure the scene was over. Paul, Ian and my friends would just _die _laughing if they saw me like this, but this was the first time I'd been out with a girl I loved, and I just _had _to pick a horror movie with a sex scene. Could I be any stupider? We weren't even in a friggin' relationship – yet – and here we were in a dark movie theatre, in the back row, with my . . . friend.

_UGHHHHHHH! _

I was thankful when the movie ended. I had never acted like how I did tonight before. I'd seen plenty of rated R movies with that stuff, but now I guess I changed.

When the lights came back on, I saw Nessie's normal ivory skin was now flushed with pink.

"I'm really sorry Nessie, I didn't know that stuff was in there."

Nessie looked at me and I felt like putty in her hands. She's going to kill me one day I know it.

"It's okay, maybe we should stick with a PG-13 movie next time?"

_Next time_? There was going be more than one? Score!

I smiled like an idiot and tried to cover it up with a laugh before it was too late. "Yeah, maybe we should."

We walked back to the Rabbit and I drove her home, it was around 10:30 when we left.

The ride home was silent but it wasn't . . . awkward, surprisingly. I felt comfortable, like we didn't have to say anything we didn't have to say. But I did ask if it was alright for her to move around. She said she was okay enough to move around.

She looked out the window the entire time. The look on her face was weird, like she didn't belong, or she didn't like being back in Port Angeles. Another part of her looked like she was confused. I didn't pry because I knew she wouldn't want me to.

I finally pulled up to her house and parked the car. It was 11:00.

"Thanks for night," Nessie said. Her hands were holding each other in her lap and she was looking at them.

"No problem."

"And not just tonight Jacob –"

"It's Jake."

She looked at me with a small grin playing at her plump, pink lips. "_Jake_, thanks for saving my life."

Nessie blushed and looked back down. "Tell your dad I said thanks too." She looked out the windshield to her house. Ness unbuckled her seatbelt and opened to door to get out. "Goodnight, Jake."

"Night, Ness." She slammed the door shut and got inside. I sighed happily and leaned back in my seat with a huge smile on my face from ear to ear. I started the car again and went back home.

* * *

It was pretty quiet when I got back, which meant everybody was asleep. Good thing too; I didn't feel like getting attacked when I was tired. I still had that smile on my face as I threw my keys on the kitchen table. I went up the stairs and changed into some flannel pajama pants and threw myself onto the bed.

I put my hands behind my head, the same happy, puppy-loving smile. I knew I was gonna dream about her tonight.

I am one lucky son of a bitch.


	12. Clumsy

**I don't own the twilight characters! CHECK OUT MY POLYVORE! IT SHOULD BE ON MY PROFILE**

* * *

"_You got me trippin', stumblin', flippin', fumblin'_

_Clumsy 'cause I'm fallin in love_

_You got me slippin', tumblin', sinkin', fumblin'_

_Clumsy 'cause I'm fallin' in love, so in love with you"_

_Clumsy –Fergie_

* * *

Last night had been very . . . nice. Until the, uh, middle of the movie. Why had I promised Jacob a next time? Why was being around him as easy as breathing? I knew I couldn't be in love. I can't, not now or ever. But I did. I was _really, truly, fully_ in love with him. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I did. And I couldn't. I have to protect her. I couldn't tell anyone anything to keep her safe.

Phil made an impression on me last night with only one threat and one slap across my pale face. To my surprise, there wasn't a mark on my face when I looked in my bathroom mirror. There was only a slight stinging.

As much as I wished I could blame Phil for murdering my dad, I knew it wasn't him. The man was blonde and he was very muscular, that was all I knew about him. There was no doubt in my mind that had something to do with his death. My dad couldn't be replaced with anyone else, I wondered briefly if my mother knew this.

I had never seen two people so in love unlike my parents. I'd heard their story thousands of times.

Mom was sixteen when she broke her leg climbing a tree and Dad was the only person around when it happened, so he took her to the hospital for her cast. My grandfather was the one who treated her – my dad's dad. My parents started dating almost five months afterward. Apparently, Mom got pregnant with me after her prom with Dad. Despite my little appearance in life, they lived comfortably. My dad had adjusted to fatherhood naturally; it was like he was made for it.

"Nessie? Are you listening to me?"

"Sorry, Mom," I said.

"How was the movie?" she asked.

I blushed. "It was ok."

My mom smiled and arched one of her eyebrows. "_Just _okay?"

"Yes, mother."

"That's all you're going to say? You didn't kiss him did you?"

"Mother!" My voice went up and octave. She threw as she laughed.

"What? You can tell me, don't worry, it'll be our little secret," she whispered, even thought it was just me and her in the house. We were grading her class's math tests, most of the little third graders had B's while some had A's and only three had, had C's.

"We did not make out," I stated clearly, though, a secret part of me wished I had . . . what is wrong with me? I'm crushing on someone I barely know, who just so happens to filthy stinking rich, like a little puppy.

"Alright, alright." Mom was about to give up. "But how was the movie?"

I blushed even more at the sex scene we had to suffer through. I swear to God I thought I saw him looking at me (Here I go again). "Well, it was like, pretty good. Um, I mean, I wasn't really paying any attention."

Mom nodded, checking off her to-do list on the math test. Now, we were moving on to science. "Wasn't it a scary movie or something? Your –"she broke off and looked at me. "I mean, I hated when things jump out at you at any given time." She didn't have to say who took her to the movies, I already knew.

"Yeah," I mumbled. "But the acting wasn't so great. I thought it was just a waste of time."

"Oh, so what if you picked the movie?"

I shrugged. I wanted to hit my face. Why did I promise next time? "Maybe, there's just nothing good out there."

"Okay. Now, since we're checking school papers, I wanted to talk to you about that."

Play stupid. "School papers?"

"Renesmee!" She chided. "I meant about you going back to public school. What's so wrong with that?"

"Mom, you don't understand," I reasoned. Mom looked like she had slapped in the face. "They'll make fun of me."

The thing about us Cullen women, we don't take no for an answer. "Renesmee Carlie Cullen, don't say that I don't understand. I do. I've been standing on the sidelines for about nine years now, watching you waste anyway in this house. I love you. You're the only child I have, and if you think I'm going to let you continue to waste your gifts here, then you don't know me."

I frowned. I hated to see my mother so upset because of me. I didn't want her to suffer anymore. "Mom, I'm sorry. I just don't want to be the new weird kid that everybody stares at," I mumbled.

"Who cares Nessie?" My frown picked up a little. She wasn't mad at me when she called me Nessie. "You're going there to get an education. Who knows? You could get a scholarship! Please just think about it. You'll have Jacob there. He's a nice boy and I trust him."

"Mom, would this have anything to do with the cliff incident?" I asked teasingly.

"Yes, any boy who has the balls –"

"Mom!"

She ignored me and continued, "To save my daughter is good enough for me . . . Plus, he is kinda cute."

"Mother!" I tried to be offended but we both laughed like little girls. The binder on my lap to hold the papers I was grading fell to the floor.

"Oops," I giggled. I picked it up and went back to checking. Mom smiled at me and we went back to work. I looked at her while she was marking a grade on the homework.

"Okay," I sighed and shut the binder when I was done. "I'll go."

Mom smiled but tried to cover it up with her fist wrapped around the brown fabric of her track jacket. "Go where, exactly?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Okay, I'll go back to school." To my surprise, she threw the binder on the coffee table and attacked me with a hug. She kissed my forehead and I hugged her back.

When we pulled away, I told her, "I'm only going because you pulled the Mom-education card on me."

She chuckled and said, "I have to call Billy."

Billy came over the next day, on Monday but this time Jacob came with him.

Mom told them the news just a few minutes ago.

"That's great! Esme, you and I can go to the school tomorrow and enroll her." Billy was ecstatic and Jacob smiled.

Mom went over to the couch where Billy was sitting and they started talking about school. Jacob came over and sat next to me. He was so big, I was afraid he might break the couch when he plopped down next to me.

"You're going to like Forks High, promise."

"You swear?" I asked.

"Absolutely, if nobody's nice, I'll kick their ass."

I wasn't too sure about the last part. I didn't want anyone to get hurt, excluding me. School seemed like an escape from Phil whenever he came home when Mom wasn't here.

"What's it like?"

"Well, the teachers are great but they can be as strict as hell. Um, lemme think," He paused for a minute. "Oh, there's a huge library with about three thousand books and there's this art program but I suck at art. There's writing, sports, cheerleading, science club, um, an engineering class; basically there's a lot of stuff going on there."

"Is everybody going to stare?"

"Pretty much, I mean I have to pick you up in the mornings and drop you off right?"

I chewed my lip. "Oh."

"It's no big deal Ness," Jacob assured me, "everybody's just nosey."

"Is your girlfriend nosey?" I asked. If he did have a girlfriend, which I'm sure he did, I didn't want trouble.

"I'm single, Ness."

"What?" I couldn't help what had just come out of my mouth. I was shocked that someone rich and attractive was single.

"Yep," he popped the 'p'. "Some girls are nuts. Especially the cheerleaders, the day the stop blabbing is the day the devil wins a peace prize." Jacob laughed at his own joke; I only chuckled a little bit, showing a smile. But on the inside I was hiding a frown. I could have just pictured Jacob being surrounded by pretty cheerleaders in their skimpy uniforms with smiles showing perfect white teeth.

"I'm sure not all of them are that bad," I tried to reason with him.

"Ha! You've never me them."

I shrugged.

"You've been looking less pale lately," I heard mom say. I turned my head to her. "Sweetie, I didn't mean it like that, I mean you've been looking peachier in color."

"Um, thanks, Mom." I didn't really know if that was a compliment but then again, it wouldn't change anything about how I looked – not to Jacob at least. This crush was pathetic. I was pathetic.

Bill and Jacob rushed off back home for dinner and I had another beating. When did life become so complicated? **(AN: sorry for shortness but I'm just getting to the good part)**

* * *

The next two weeks passed and it was Tuesday November 3rd today was my first day of high school . . . with Jacob. I took the placement test yesterday and should be getting my schedule today with my textbooks. I had my black messenger bag with me that had my binders, notebooks, pencils and pens. I dressed in flared dark jeans, a brown, long sleeve –obviously – shirt and my only jacket – I could wear it because the bruises cleared up and turned yellow. My beaten up converse were stained at the toe with mud, it was a size eight, twice my size to save up some money. It was seven in the morning; Jacob should been here half an hour ago.

I was sipping my cup of tap water when Phil came out of the room. He was in his usual – dark jeans, black t-shirt and black leather jacket. He glared at me when I looked at him so I looked back at the cup and took a small sip. Mom had taken off early as usual, so I knew it wasn't her orange truck pulling up. Jacob was here; I got up and almost ran to the door. He had his Rabbit again and I opened the door, sat down and buckled the red seatbelt. Jacob revved the engine to life and we were off. I saw the black t-shirt he was wearing. The shirt hugged his muscles –which I had no idea existed, what did they call it – a six pack? – very, _very _nicely. I shuddered slightly, Jacob noticed.

"You alright?" he dragged out the 'u'.

I simple nodded, not trusting my voice. I looked at him and saw something black in his –also muscular – bicep. "What's that?"

Jacob looked down at it but he didn't answer me until we were in front of a red light.

"It's a tattoo," he said. He took his hand off the steering wheel and pulled his sleeve up to show me the tattoo. It took a few seconds until I realized it was a howling wolf tattoo. I had no idea Jacob had a tattoo.

"Oh," I had no idea why I sounded disappointed.

"So you excited?"

"No," I mumbled. Jacob started laughing and I smiled only a little bit.

"Everybody says that."

"Yes, but I haven't been to an actual school since fourth grade. How do expect me to blend in?"

Jacob smirked, dimples showing. "I don't know. All I can say is to ignore them."

"Yeah, right," I muttered. Jacob pulled into the school parking lot that was _filled_ with people. He picked the parking space to the front of the school, so we had to walk the entire parking lot . . . through about one thousand kids. Oh, God!

Jacob reached back into the car and grabbed a gray sweatshirt. He pulled it on and grabbed his backpack and got out after he shut the door. I closed my eyes, sighed, opened my eyes and got out with my bag slung over my shoulder. Jacob was standing near the hood of his car, before I found him next to me after I took two steps and slipped . . . on a puddle! Thankfully, my jeans weren't ruined, but my confidence surely was – not that I really had any left.

"Oh!" I grunted when my butt hit the wet concrete. Ouch. I heard people laughing at me, but thankfully it was only a few people. I expected Jacob to laugh with them but he looked concerned. He came to my side and crouched down.

"You okay?" he asked. He held out his hand and pulled me up. When my feet were back to the ground again I felt my face flush with pink.

"Don't worry, Ness. S'no big deal." He wrapped an arm around my shoulders assuring me. We stayed by the car not talking, Jacob was just looking at me. I felt uncomfortable. My stomach flipped, it felt it being as light as air.

"Hey Jake!" someone said. I saw a girl standing in front of me. She had long, straight black hair, bronze skin and the longest eyelashes I'd ever seen.

"Hey Kim," he replied. "Nessie this is Kim, Kim this is Nessie."

"Oh yeah," she smiled. "Jared told me about you. But are you okay?" I nodded, but who was Jared? I looked to Jacob, completely lost.

"Jared's a friend of mine, he was at the cliffs, and Kim is his girlfriend," Jacob explained. Before I could say anything else, a crowd of four came over. They all had black hair, bronzed skin and dark eyes, just like Jacob. But one looked paler in color.

"Hey, where's Claire?" Kim asked.

"Sick," the paler one said. "She got the stomach flu from her mom."

"Oh," Jacob replied. "Anyways, Nessie, this is Quil, Jared, Embry and Seth. You guys know Nessie."

They did? The one named Seth held out his hand and I shook it.

"I like meeting you conscious," Seth noted. I smiled at the boy. He looked too young to be a high school senior. "What?"

I must have been staring at him. "Um, you're a senior right?"

"Uh, no – freshmen. I'm fifteen. Wish I was senior though."

"Be careful what you wish for dude. It's gonna bite your ass," Jared warned while wearing a teasing smile. His arm was around Kim's waist. At that moment I realized that Jacob arm was still around my shoulder.

"Jake!" a girl squeaked. Jacob took his arm from my shoulders and rested it on the hood of the car. I heard Jared whisper loudly, "It's the Devil!"

I looked to see where the voice came from and saw a beautiful brunette. She walked over to us, but what I saw was behind her. Guys stopped to look at what I guessed were her ass. I sighed, feeling small and thin. My shoulders were slumped when she came by.

"So you're the new girl," she had a fake smile on her face and she looked at me as if she were saying, _you're kidding right? _"I'm Jessica."

"Yeah, I am," I answered. "And I'm, uh, Nessie."

"Oh, so which school did you go to?"

"I was homeschooled."

"Homeschooled," Jessica thought about it for a minute. "Aren't you Jacob's girlfriend?"

Jacob's girlfriend? She was teasing right? Or wasn't she? Was Jacob telling everyone I was his girlfriend? Or wait, did Jacob lie to me and that he wasn't single? Ugh, this is so confusing!

"No, we're just friends, right Jacob?" I looked to him and he nodded. He looked a little upset but I tried to ignore it. I was saved by the bell when it rang. Jacob pushed me towards the school and I went to the office to pick up schedule and a map of the entire school.

"I'm sorry about Jessica," he said. "She's really nosy cheerleader."

"Hey, at least you get to say I told you so." We walked at a slow pace trying to find my new locker.

Jacob smiled, "Yeah, there's always that to cheer me up. Can I see your schedule?"

I handed it to him and he skimmed through it. "We have lunch and gym together."

"Gym," I scoffed.

"Here it is. Locker 619." I put in the combination and put in the combination after Jacob helped me put it in. I had never really used a locker before. It was flattering that he took his time to help me on my first day.

* * *

**JPOV**

After Ness got her stuff into her locker she went with a blue binder to her advanced math class. God, I knew she was smart but not collage smart. I mean not Harvard smart.

Classes were the same as everyday but this time I got to see Nessie in lunch and gym. Gym was great for me being an athlete but Nessie didn't seem too happy about it.

I walked over to her locker and she was putting some other books in there from her other classes. Her hair was pulled back this time.

"Hey," I said.

"Hi."

"So how was it? Good? Bad? Awesome? Terrible?"

She smiled and exhaled, "Okay. Everybody stared and stuff, Y'know?"

"Yeah." She got out a water bottle and some potato chips for lunch and slammed her lock shut. "Like I said, nosy."

We started to walk in the empty hallway and she told me about her day. Looking at her now, I would have never thought that was depressed. Now, she just looked like a normal, gorgeous girl. My head was still spinning from when she called us 'just friends'. I wondered then at that second if her mom told her about my little 'love crush' as I like to call it. I pushed the thought back into my head as we walked into the crowded cafeteria. I found our table and lead her to it. I made sure that she sat next to me on the opposite side of Embry.

"Hey," Lauren said to Nessie. "Nice fall." She started giggling with Jessica. Nessie blushed while Kim glared at Lauren. For some reason, she hated Lauren with passion. Ha! She hated her as much as she loved Jared.

"Well, maybe you fell as a kid. You know, on your head? Or wait, did your egg donor drop you on it?"

I couldn't help but laugh with Embry, Jared and Quil. It was just too damn funny that she was right.

"Geez Kim, stop being so rude," Jessica said. "Apologize to Lauren."

Jared cut in. "Actually I think _Lauren _owes _Nessie_ the apology," he corrected. Jared look at Lauren "After all, in Nessie's defense, you were being kinda bitchy."

I chuckled, "He's right."

Nessie looked uncomfortable when she sipped out of her water bottle. "So what do you guys think about tomorrow night's game."

"Who are you guys versing again?" Kim asked.

"The bears at Charter's," he answered.

Nessie didn't talk much throughout lunch, but after I walked her to the girl's locker room after she got her bag with her homework in it. This was the last hour, so I had to grab my bag and jacket and go.

I headed out because I could get dressed, you know, cast and all. I saw Nessie sitting on the top of the bleachers. I walked over to her while she was working on something from class.

"Homework?" I asked her. She looked up and smiled.

"Yeah."

"Overachiever," I teased her.

She shrugged and shot back, "It's better than an _under_achiever."

"Ouch, Ness, that hurt," I smirked. "So when do you start?"

She knew I meant gym. "Tomorrow, but I can't do much because basketball and stiches do work well together."

"Yeah, neither do casts." I sat down next to her. She smiled and went back to her work. I decided why not and grabbed my Science book and started on my social science packet.

"Look who's the overachiever now," Nessie murmured.

"Har Har, Ness. Watch it; someday you just might need my strong manliness."

"Your strong manliness? No thanks, I'm good," she teased. I started to chuckle and she smiled and looked back down to her book.

The class pretty much ignored us and went on with their basketball game. At the end of the hour, I only got half of a page down because I was too busy looking at Ness when she didn't notice.

We made it through the huge crowd of kids and finally reached the Rabbit. I drove her home and went back to my house and threw the bag onto my bed.

I scratched the back of my neck. _This year's going to be interesting_, I sighed. I heard a scream from down stairs from both of my insane sisters.

What now?

* * *

**WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED?**


	13. Over My Head

**Srry for the long update and about the multiple POV changes! CHECK out nurse Nessie – btw it not –obviously- related to Home. Check out the polyvore links on my profile!**

* * *

_I never knew  
I never knew that everything was falling through  
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue  
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth  
But that's how it's got to be  
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy  
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see  
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears_

_Everyone knows I'm in_  
_Over my head_  
_Over my head_  
_With eight seconds left in overtime_  
_She's on your mind_  
_She's on your mind_

_Let's rearrange_  
_I wish you were a stranger I could disengage_  
_Just say that we agree and then never change_  
_Soften a bit until we all just get along_  
_But that's disregard_  
_Find another friend and you discard_  
_As you lose the argument in a cable car_  
_Hanging above as the canyon comes between_

_Over My Head (Cable Car) - The Fray_

* * *

**NPOV**

I went to the door after Jacob dropped me off and I heard his Rabbit's engine's faint sound as he left the grass lot. I sighed and put the spare key and opened the door. I was surprised to see that Phil wasn't home. Mom wasn't home either, she was going to come home late today because of meetings, so I wasn't going to see Billy today for the first time – after all, it was family therapy. The other time didn't count because it was only one minute before I puked in front of Jacob.

I stepped through the small doorway and threw the bag on the couch. I paused for a second, looking back at the closed door. I didn't lock it, but then again, who would want to rob this house anyway? I sighed again and went to my room and put my back against the shut door. I rubbed against the door as I sat down on my butt, knees up and wrapped my arms around them. I put my head against my knees and I wanted so bad to be invisible.

The girls at the lunch table were too intimidating, even Kim was. She was nice but I could tell from her skinny jeans, jacket, shirt, shoes and purse that she was rich. She was beautiful and she'd had the longest eyelashes I'd ever seen.

Jessica had brown curly hair and she had the insane mind to wear a skirt today. I was jealous of her legs and her confidence and her beauty. I was jealous because of how she looked at Jacob and I saw how he looked at her legs. Her curves her perfect and she had an hourglass and I had a stick. Jacob's eyes had scanned her body and I _knew _he didn't want to be with me.

My love – or whatever it was – was pathetic and I should be able to let go of it but I _can't_! Why? I was hopeless. The confusion was eating me alive. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I got up from the floor and threw myself on the bed. I felt hurt from the stitches but it seemed like it was nothing.

I sobbed again. If this was different, if I had never met Jacob, I wouldn't be like this. I wouldn't be more broken than I already was. Why did I fall in love with him? There was absolutely no reason for him to love me back. He wasn't even a friend what made me think he would be a lover. I wasn't enough for him. I never would be.

Why couldn't he date someone already? Then, with Jacob out of my life, I'd feel better right? But how would I set them up? Would I arrange a dinner or something? Or . . . I had an idea.

I got up from the bed clearing my throat and rubbing my red eyes. I looked through the phone book in the kitchen and dialed in Mr. Black's number. I was crazy and maybe extremely desperate to get him out of my life almost for good.

"Hello?" I heard a husky tone answer. It was Jacob, oh well, might as well make this quick.

"Um . . . hi Jacob," I stuttered unintelligibly.

"Oh, hey Nessie, what's up?"

"Um, do you want to come over today and, you know, study or something?"

"Sure, sure," I could almost hear the smile in his tone," Uh, I'll be over soon. Okay?"

My heart fluttered almost every time I heard his voice. "Yes."

"Okay. See you soon, Ness," he said happily.

"Um . . . bye," I replied hastily and hung up. I put the ancient phone back in its holder and sighed. What am I getting myself into?

* * *

About less than an hour later Jacob was here but we really weren't studying. He was telling me about the funny times with him and his football buddies. Apparently, Jared had tried to beat another boy –whose name I forgot already – in chess but Jared lost and he had to wear the cheerleader's uniform for a whole week.

"And he had the hairiest legs I've ever seen, I was scarred for life!" he laughed so hard I thought he might have choked. I giggled trying to imagine Jared as Jacob tried to depict him.

"Let's just get back to math." I tried to stop laughing. Jacob wiped the tears from his eyes, his rich, throaty laughter now subdued into small deep chuckles.

"Come on, Ness. You said study or something, and now I'd rather do something."

"What if I could persuade you?" I asked.

"Okay," He said interested and smirking.

"What if this _friend _of mine went out with you?"

"Uh-huh," he dragged out the 'huh' part.

"And you guys went to dinner."

"I'll do it."

"Really," I asked a little surprised. I felt odd. Hurt. I didn't know it would feel like this. I felt jealous despite the small smile on my face. It soon faded and I grabbed the math book and looked down at it. I tried to remember the name of the Italian restaurant Jacob mentioned the first time I went to Port Angeles with him.

"And you guys could go to that one Italian restaurant in that Port Angeles place."

"Oh, you mean _Bella Italia_. That's a little romantic for a first date don't you think?" It almost sounded like he was asking me. I tried to push that fantasy out of my head and looked at him.

"No."

"Alright then Ness, if that's _she _wants. Tomorrow night at eight, if that's okay."

"Yeah, I'll make sure." I sighed and we went back to studying.

* * *

**JPOV**

When Nessie said a _friend _of hers wanted to go out with me, I knew for a fact she was talking about herself. She wanted to go to Bella Italia and she said that it wasn't too romantic for _the first date_. Although Billy scolded me for moving too fast, I convinced him that Nessie was the one to make the first move. Looks like my plan paid off after all.

I already threw a pair of black slacks and a white button down shirt on my bed after I woke up in the morning. Tonight I was going to tell Nessie I loved her. I just hoped she'd say it back. I got dressed in my jeans – with that itchy, annoying cast wrapped around it – a T-shirt, my leather jacket and then some converse. I brought my other jacket because it was supposed to be windy and around 50 degrees today so I figures Nessie could use it.

I drove around La Push until I reached Forks and pulled into Nessie's lot. She got out in her gray jacket, jeans and converse with a blue shirt underneath. Her hair was curly today and reached the middle of her back.

She opened the door.

"Hey," I said.

"H-h-hi," Nessie sat down and shut the door shivering. Looks like I was right again. I grabbed the jacket I threw in the back seat and wrapped it around her quaking shoulders.

"T-thank you," she seemed less cold when I rubbed her arms to help with the friction to keep her warm. I turned back to the steering wheel and put the gear back into drive. The engine revved loudly and we drove away.

The drive to school was silent. It wasn't awkward. I guess she just didn't want to talk.

I pulled into our usual parking space and got out along with her. She looked past my shoulder. I turned around to see what she was staring at and I saw Jessica's cold glare at us.

"I'll be back in a second, okay?" I heard Nessie say. I turned back to look at her.

"For what, Jessica?"

"Yeah, I just need to ask her something," she started walking in her (Jessica's) direction. I grabbed her arm before she could pass me. "I'll be okay, Jacob, you don't have to worry."

"For the last time," I let go of her arm, "its Jake. Jacob sounds too formal."

She giggled her in her little bell voice and walked over to Jessica. Jessica – like the slut she was – was already flirting with some other guy when Nessie caught her attention. Looking at Ness from this view I saw how much the Jacket I gave her consumed her and fell right in the middle of her thigh. I chuckled a little bit at how much smaller she looked right now. The wind calmed down a little to a light breeze but Nessie's hair was still being blown back lightly. I could see Jessica's creepy smile in front of Nessie's sweet one. Ness suddenly put up one hand while keeping her little secret smile. She finished talking by the look of her mouth and she started walking back to me.

"What was that?" I asked when Ness was in front of me.

"Oh, um," she looked at me waiting for my reaction," nothing. Eight's okay by the way – with my friend, I mean."

"Yeah, that's great. I'm excited." Crap, how much lamer could I get?

The bell rang saving me from further humiliation. But before I forgot, I said, "Oh, wait, Nessie." She looked at me.

"Yes?"

"My older sister's pregnant," I blurted. Rebecca gave the news when I came downstairs when I heard them scream.

Ness's face lit up. "What? Jake, that's great!"

She embraced me in a hug. I was shocked. It was really the first time we'd ever really hugged. I felt the round breasts against my chest and my eyes widened when I put my hand on her back to push her closer. Nessie was medium but more on the small side, but perky . . . definitely perky. Even through the tick material of the jacket. Ness took her arms away from my neck and I kept my hand on the small of her back, snapping me away from my twelve year old fantasy.

"Congrats Uncle Jake," she giggled. She took off the jacket and handed it to me. "I don't need this. Let's go." I took the jacket from her and we walked through the door way and into the crowded halls.

"Jake, can you help me with my locker again? I forgot how." A little blush rose to her already flushed cheeks. We got to her locker and I demonstrated it for her.

"See? It's right, left, back to right and then lift up the lock."

"Okay thanks. I'll keep it in mind."

"By the way, how did you get it open yesterday if you forgot how?" I suddenly remembered that she must have always gone to her locker after every period because of some rule that you couldn't bring backpacks to class.

"I asked a few people, but when I do it, it never opens."

"I think the lockers evil Ness," I teased with a grin.

"Maybe," she murmured. "Thanks, I'll see you after 5th hour, right?"

"Yeah, I'll see you," I squeezed her shoulder lightly and walked to the front of the building where my locker was. I grabbed my stuff and went to history.

* * *

**NPOV**

Ever since this morning I felt sick to my stomach about Jacob and the dinner date. The migraine was growing painfully into a headache. I tried rubbing my temples my index and middle fingers. My head was throbbing and I felt dizzy. I raised my hand and Mr. Stowling looked at me.

"Yes?"

"I have a headache can I be excused for an aspirin or something?"

"Just go to the counseling office and they'll give you something. Do you know where it is?"

I just shook my head, fingers still in place and a wince on my face. "Just go to the main office and make a right and on the left side it's in building E."

I nodded and took my fingers from my temples and out the door I was. I followed his instructions and walked to the office, made a right and on my left. There were doors that lead to building E that read Nurse's Office. I opened the door and walked in and saw the school nurse. She asked me what was wrong. I paused. The word_ everything _was aching to break through the barrier of my lips. I told her that I had a headache and she went to get something in the back room. She motioned me to sit on the plastic chair before she disappeared behind the door.

I didn't know if this was a side effect from the Lexapro or if it had come on by itself. The Lexapro was supposed to help, but instead I felt like I was getting more and more lost by the day. I always felt so odd at home, as if there was supposed to be something there. When Jacob came the other day, I felt . . . full. Not happy or sad or neither just . . . full. Almost, like somehow the invisible stitches and scars that marked me the years before had all disappeared when he walked through the door. Maybe it _was _the medicine messing with my head. After all, Billy said there were side effects; maybe being delusional was one of them. Maybe the feelings I had for Jacob were all just some big illusion and maybe the love I felt was something mistaken. It had to be.

_I can't love him, I can't. _

_I won't. I'm not. _

The mantra ended when the nurse came through the door with the pill in hand and a plastic cup of water in another. I thanked her and swallowed the pill drowning it down with the luke -warm water. I threw the cup into the trash bin and walked out of the office and tried to make my way back to my AP Italian class. I was Italian on my father's side and my mother's side I was Polish, German, Welsh and French. Even though I was already part Italian, I'd never really been taught the language. Taking it now and learning his language just made me feel close to him.

I opened the door again and took my seat smack dab in the middle of the class.

The day drew on and I actually had more homework than I had expected but I was surprised that I had already gone over the AP Calculus chapter that we were learning now. I was now, again, attempting my locker. It had worked those five hours before, why wasn't it working now? I kept pushing up the latch but it still wouldn't open. I tried pushing the latch up with both hands up no good came out.

"Need help?" A voice behind me asked. The person was so close I could feel them about an inch away. I turned to see a blonde boy with blue eyes and a shy smile.

"Yeah, I guess I do." I put a hand in my hair and moved behind him as he moved toward my locker. "I entered it in right and everything."

He looked back at me. He tried to pull up the latch and failed. His head pointed downward and looked back at me. "Well I think your bag is the problem." I followed his eyes downward and saw the bag's strap sticking out a bit. "Put your comb back in after you twist the lock around a few times."

I did as he directed and tried to pull up the latch again and it still didn't work. The boy put his hand on my shoulders and lightly pulled me back. He kicked the bottom of the locker a few times and lifted the lock again and the locker flew open. I went to my knees and made sure the back was on the hook, got brown paper bag that contained my lunch and stood straight up again. I slammed the locker shut after I threw the grey jacket on another hook and turned to the guy.

"Thanks," I said.

"No problem. I'm Mike Newton by the way."

"I'm Renesmee but Jacob calls me Nessie." Speaking of Jacob, where was he? It was just me and Mike in the empty hallway.

"Yeah, you're the new girl with him. So, why don't you tell me about yourself while I walk you to lunch?"

"Um, okay." I felt uneasy as we slowly approached the cafeteria. "Well, I love um, books and art and I hate my locker."

Mike laughed even though it wasn't funny. I forced a smile as we walked through the cafeteria's doors. Mike led me to the table we were at yesterday and sat across from me.

"Nessie," I turned to look at Kim who sat by a girl I didn't recognize. The girl had long flowing strait ebony hair and a russet complexion similar to Kim's and had wide, almost childlike, dark brown eyes.

"This is Claire, Quil's girlfriend. Claire this is the girl that I was telling you about."

"Hi," she had a friendly tone in her utterly feminine voice.

"Hi," I replied. I heard the chair next to me screech and moan as Jacob sat down with his large tray of food. There was a hamburger, a pizza, a huge bottle of blue Gatorade, a hot dog and a side of fries almost drenched in ketchup.

"Holy crap," I heard myself say. Blood rushed to my cheeks as I blushed at what had just spluttered out of my mouth.

Embry laughed. "He's eaten way more than that. You should see him on thanksgiving." The rest table laughed, excluding me while I nibbled on my apple.

Conversations went on joyously while Jacob had just kept his attention on me. I asked him why he hadn't met me at my locker and he'd told me that his shop class had been excused late.

"So, Nessie," Mike started," you're not dating anybody are you?"

"No, no, not really."

My eyes looked sideways at Jacob who smiled slightly.

"Oh, okay, well do you, maybe, wanna catch a movie this weekend?"

I looked back at Jacob who frowned.

"Um, I d – "

"Yeah, you know what? We could go as a group. Right? Are you guys in?" Jacob asked the entire table. They all look at each other and nodded murmuring yeah and sure.

"How 'bout that one about the Los Angeles thing," Embry asked.

"Battle: Los Angeles? A sci-fi?" Jared's thick, black eye brows furrowed.

"Oh, come on man," Embry complained. "We always end up watching a horror or romantic comedy or drama. _Live a little_," Embry shook Jared by his shoulders, adding to his cause.

"Is it good though," I spoke and everyone looked at me.

"Well, we haven't seen it yet Ness," Jacob said gently. I felt stupid.

"Well, yeah, but the trailer looks good. Come on Ness," Embry begged," tell me you're in?"

I sighed. Again, if opportunity presented itself, and if Billy found out, I would have to go. "Okay."

"Yes," he put his arms up in the air for victory. "This Saturday at Port Angeles; tickets are on me."

"Embry," Kim said," if there aren't any cute guys or if it sucks, we're going to dump you in an ally."

"Oh, come on Kim," Embry whined.

I laughed softly as the bells rang signaling that it was time for gym. I wouldn't be getting my stitched out for another week so I was safe until then. But in the back of my mind, I wondered momentarily if those stiches would be disfigured from the beating I'd received not so long ago. Phil's latest threat had scared me to death.

_Shut it. Or she'll be next. _

I shivered visibly and went to dump the trash in the garbage. I tried to shake my head from the scary reminder and gave a shaky sigh.

I walked next to Jacob in the halls and to my locker to grab my jacket.

Let's see, 16, right . . . 22, left . . . and 45, right. I pulled up the latch and was surprised to see the locker swing open easily. I grabbed the jacket from the hook and grabbed the black bag that contained my homework and slammed the locker shut – but, more lightly this time.

I walked with Jacob again through the main entrance of the gymnasium this time and we took our top seats on the bleachers. While the rest of the class continued their basketball games, Jacob and I were having a light-hearted conversation.

We'd talked about the movie this Saturday and how about Rebecca's pregnancy. When Jacob was talking about Rebecca's news in the parking lot this morning, I saw a certain gleam in his eyes, a glow almost. It was like he was welcoming his soon to be niece or nephew already. He didn't really strike me as the father type. At first, I expected him to be rude and make snappy comments and give me odd looks or to whisper something under his breath about how crazy I must be. (I felt like a crazy person every time I sat on the couch while Billy was asking questions.) But Jacob soon proved me wrong. He was kind, and he looked more mature lately. He still seemed like a boy to me, though; a carefree little boy who had nothing to offer people but warmth and sunshine and smiles. I'd never really expected him to come off so friendly until he saved my life. But I couldn't be sure if I liked him for real. The idea of suicide had seemed pleasant to me, at least I wouldn't have felt pain. Soon, though, I was starting forget all thoughts of suicide almost completely.

I tried to hide a frown at the razor cuts I'd given myself. I regretted it now.

Wow! These pills must be working!

A little while later, after our conversation it was time to go and I slipped the jacket around my shoulders and zipped it up.

In a matter of minutes, I was home and on the couch thinking about Jacob's date tonight.

* * *

**(again, srry about the jumps and everything, just trying to give you guys the good part)**

"This Saturday? That's great, Nessie!" my mother said with enthusiasm all over her tone.

"Since when did you start me Nessie?" I teased with a small smile. The nickname was really starting to grow on me.

"Well, Billy and Jacob call you that so much, it's starting to stick to you, honey," she marked a check on the paper. "Can you hand me those essays?"

"Sure," I reached over to the small coffee table and grabbed the not-so- thick pile of third grader essays. "Here."

Mom took the pile and started looking over the work, "Since when were third grade essays so thin, Mom?"

She smiled while still looking at the stack, "Actually they're poems but it won't hurt to call them essays."

I smiled too and looked back at the Italian homework I had. Ah, education! I giggled a little. I sounded like such a normal person it was almost ridiculous.

I heard knocking on the door; it couldn't be Phil. Mom canceled the appointment with Billy again because she didn't want me to be alone and because of her meeting for the schedule changes. So who was knocking at 7:00 p.m.?

I got up and went to answer the door. I unlocked it was surprised to see Jacob standing at the door. He was dresses formally in black slacks – with his cast on one leg – and a white button down, but only a few buttons were left unbuttoned at the top, exposing tan skin. He was holding a bouquet of white roses. The expression on his face plainly spelled nervous. No, strike that, his expression _screamed_ nervous. Hints of surprise and confusion filled his face.

I looked back at Mom who shrugged and raised her eyebrows at me. I sighed and looked back at Jacob, taking a few steps and shutting the door behind me.

"Why aren't you dressed?" he asked.

"Well, why are you here?" I shot back.

"I told you at seven."

"Excuse . . . me?"

"I told you I'd pick you at seven for Bella Italia," he said, plain and simple.

My jaw dropped and my eyebrows shot up into my hairline. Me? He came here to pick up me?

"No, Jake, you were supposed to be _at _Bella Italia," I tried to explain, "to meet _Jessica_."

"_What?" _Jacob's face was no longer filled with nervousness; it was filled with even more confusion and anger.

"I told you I had a friend that wanted to go out with you!" My voice raised an octave trying to defend myself.

"I thought you meant you," he said loudly.

"Why would be talking about myself when I said_ a friend_!" We were arguing. I was utterly confused. Why me? Why would he even bother to think it was me?

Jacob surprised me by laughing. It was the husky, throaty, deep laugh my friend had. This was more sarcastic and mean.

"Wow, wow, wow," Jacob repeated.

"Wow what?"

"Nothing, nothing, _Ness_," he said my name like acid had filled his mouth. "Thanks for nothing!"

Jacob actually _threw _the bouquet at me.

"Thanks for nothing, bitch," he spat in a low, angry tone. He got off the porch and started limping toward his car. Like the idiot I was, I just stood there frozen with the bouquet in my arms and tears drowning my eyes.

"Jacob," I said brokenly, "Jacob, Jake, wait."

I was too late he'd already left and I just walked back inside and slammed the door. Mom's look of shock was almost like mine when Jacob threw the bouquet at me – mouth agape and eyes wide.

"What happened to _you_?" She got up and wrapped her arms around me but she didn't put my head on her shoulder.

"You heard that didn't you?" I asked. Mom nodded her head. I continued "Oh, Mom! I didn't mean to hurt him. I didn't!"

"I know, I know you didn't, sweetheart."

"Mom," I cried, "can I just go to my room?"

"Okay, okay," she whispered soothingly. She squeezed me again and set me off to my room. I threw the bouquet on the floor and grabbed the plastic chair and jammed it under the door knob. I threw myself onto the bed and sobbed. I felt horrible. I lead Jacob onto that confusion. How could I do that to my only friend?

I sniffled and wound myself up in a fetal position on my left side. I tried to make myself go numb at that moment, trying not to feel pain but it didn't work.

Was there a slight chance that Jacob might love back if he even bothered to come here?

No! No! Stop! I can't afford to love someone. I couldn't!

The mantra wasn't working, neither was the numbing. I laid there, my arms wrapped around my knees that where pushed against my stinging chest, like I was trying to close up a big aching wound. I was crying, and I hated crying. But I couldn't stop myself this time no matter how hard I tried.

I just sobbed mutely to sleep in the black hole that swallowed me up.

* * *

**Not what were you expecting, was it?**

**REVIEW! AND MAKE SURE YOU CHECK OUT MY NEW STORY Nurse Nessie! **


	14. Happiness is Overrated

**SRRY FOR THE WAIT, EVERYTHINGS BEEN CRAZY BUT HERE I AM! ANYWAYS, ALMOST ALL WILL BE EXPLAINED IN THIS CHAPTER! I MIGHT ONLY UPDATE ON WEEKENDS IF I CAN! After all schools starting!**

**POLYVORES BEEN UPLOADED!**

**P.S. LONGEST CHAPTER EVER =) maybe... =)**

* * *

"_Sorry, I nearly lost my head_

_I'm sorry, I nearly lost my head_

_But you know those words that you said_

_They get stuck here in my head_

_And this feeling I dread, it makes me wish I was dead_

_Or just alone instead, I'll be alone instead_

_I don't need anyone in this bed_

_Just these ceiling tiles falling through my head"_

_Happiness is Overrated – The Toxic Ariborne Event_

* * *

**Esme POV**

My daughter was in complete turmoil and fear. Nessie jammed her chair under her door knob and no matter how hard I tried to talk to her to calm her down through the door, reassuring her over and over again that everything would be ok, nothing worked.

I had to admit that I wasn't surprised at her behavior. She's done something like this before.

* * *

_After the Justice of Peace declared Phil and me, Renesmee looked at me like she didn't think I was her mother. We found a little pink and white dress, one of her favorites that I managed to save. The one Carlisle bought for her on their annual Daddy-Daughter Day- which was August 20__th__ because she declared it to be one day when she decided that 'Daddy' spent too much time away from us. _

_I had been promised by Phil that Renesmee would be protected from those murderers at a small safe house._

_There was a catch though; I had to marry him to keep Renesmee safe. _

_The second that she stepped into the house she ran to the smallest bedroom and jammed the knob with a plastic chair that was already there. _

_When we had finally managed to get the door opened, we found her sitting on the bed, facing us. The expression on her face terrified me. She looked . . . dead. Her eyes were glassy, her body was oddly still and her eyes were rimmed with red from tears. It was like she was here but not here at the same time. Like when autistic children withdraw. But this was different; it was almost like she was in purgatory._

"_Renesmee? Renesmee!" I yelled shaking her by the shoulders trying to wake her up from a horrible state of mind._

_Renesmee finally reacted and pushed my arms away. I sighed in pure relief. But then the worst happened, she pushed my arms away and started sobbing._

"_Go away! Go away!" she screamed._

"_Oh, Renesmee," I tried to hold my struggling, small little girl and calmed her down the best I could._

"_No! Go away! I hate you! Why did you do this to me?" She cried so hard her sobbing turned silent, her face was red and I thought she would have choked to death. I patted her back and her voice returned to my bittersweet relief. She eventually sobbed herself to sleep._

* * *

I shuttered at the memory as the door was being knocked at repeatedly. I didn't have to be a genius to figure out who it was. I opened the door and immediately started to 'dog' on Billy.

"What the hell is wrong with your _son_?" I heard voice overflow with the acid in my tone through my clenched teeth. "You tell me that he loves my daughter and then he destroys her."

"I told Jacob to be slow with her, but he didn't listen," Billy said.

"Bullshit," I spat. Billy sighed and walked right past me into the house heading toward Nessie's room.

He knocked on the door, "Nessie, it Billy. Open up!"

No reply.

"She jammed the door with her chair. Do you really think I haven't tried everything? I even tried to bust it down!"

"Yeah, well, don't you think you're a little too petite to cause any real damage?"

I scoffed, "Ugh! Well don't _you_ think you're a little too old?"

"Alright! Arguing isn't getting us anywhere; can we just focus on getting this damn door open?"

"Fine," I said, "budge on three. Okay?"

He nodded and we both braced ourselves. Billy called it out slowly, "One . . . Two . . . Three!"

We rammed the door and I was surprised that we actually managed to open the door. My shoulder ached but it was only a minor thought when I saw my daughter staring right at us. She was curled with the blanket. The same blank expression from her childhood came back to haunt me again.

"Are you sure she's not autistic?"

"Yes! Of course I'm sure!"

"Alright, Esme, please don't overreact – "

"Overreact?"

"– I'll handle it," Billy put up a hand up to stop me from talking further. I walked over to Nessie, sitting by her legs on the bed. My hand went to her hair and watched her face. She blinked and small tears fell from her eyes.

"Ness," Billy said, "I need you to tell me what's going through your mind right now."

"Nothing," her voice was groggy and sounded like she was crying for days.

"Ness, you have t –"

"I told you, _nothing._ That's in my head."

"How did he hurt you?"

"Are you kidding me? Look at her."

"I meant personally," he replied dryly.

Nessie answered him shortly, "He always hurts me."

"What? Nessie, please, elaborate for me," Billy pleaded.

"If he's hurt someone before, he'll do it again. He did it to me."

I looked at Billy quizzically. Jacob's hurt someone before? Billy shrugged and looked back at Nessie. Her fetal position made her look so vulnerable. Her eyes were dilated

"How did he do it to you?"

"He threw things at me and he's said horrible things to me."

Billy looked at me and I my eyes wandered to the floor. Roses. White roses were on the carpet and the browning with decay.

"The flowers," I whispered. I looked back Nessie and stroked a hand through her hair. Her skin was paler like how it was before Billy had given her the pills. But why did I feel like she wasn't just talking about Jacob?

"Can you leave now?" Nessie asked.

"Renesmee," I scolded lightly.

"No, no, it's okay. I understand, you're in a lot of stress, I don't want to go to school tomorrow but I do want you go the next day, alright? I want you to take the Lexapro with some food and water."

"Okay," she sighed.

"And get sleep. I want you to take a Benadryl after you eat tonight. I try to set things straight with Jacob." Billy murmured, "I told him to be slow."

"I'll make sure she does." I stood up and shook Billy's hand. We exited Nessie's room to the hallway and back to the door. I sighed and opened the door for Billy.

"I really believe she doesn't mean Jacob," I said lowly. "I think she's referring to that man in our house. The one from the cliffs, maybe?"

"Maybe," Billy muttered. "But right now, don't mention anything; I don't want her to go through an emotional withdrawal."

"She's done this before, you know."

"And I'm not surprised. I figured she must have, after all, she was only ten."

"Psychologist's theory?" I asked shortly.

"Nope, intuition, actually" he said, the right corner of his picked up as he smiled half-heartedly.

"Hmm," I nodded.

"Don't get me wrong, I think Jacob is a good guy," I looked toward the hallway for a second, thinking of the first time she saw Jacob, how worried I was because there was a teenage boy here, as I murmured I looked back to Billy, "but if he can't treat her with respect, I don't want him near her.

"Alright, I agree with you, but I want you to see something." Billy pulled a velvet pouch from his back pocket. He handed it to me and I took it.

I looked at it puzzled and looked back to Billy eyebrows furrowed.

"Just open it," he urged.

I opened the draw string from pouch and pulled out a chain bracelet with a wooden little howling wolf charm on one of the chains.

I looked from the bracelet to Billy and asked, "What is this?"

"Something I found in Jacob's room while I tried to get my Apple tablet from him. He doesn't know it's gone. It was in this chest of things that he keeps his private things in. Don't ask why, but I did see a little card that Jacob wrote himself. If he could give to her, I think her eyes could really open. I don't want to tell you what the card said but I found some other things. There was this list of things he planned to get her," Billy chuckled a little. "I thought it was nice."

"Wow," was all I could say. So, he really was serious about my baby.

"I know, my son has turned into hopeless romantic. Was has you daughter done?" He teased.

"Ha ha, you're hilarious," I rolled my eyes.

"Well," he took the pouch and bracelet from my hand and put the bracelet back in it.

We parted our ways and I gave Nessie the pills and fed her eggs and the Benadryl I got from the cabinet.

I did think that Jacob loved my daughter; I just didn't forgive him yet.

* * *

**JPOV**

Nessie didn't come to school yesterday, or the day after that. The whole time I had to be harassed by Jessica and Lauren. There _is _a reason why ass is in harassed after all. We were all going to the movie tonight; Dad said that Nessie would come with us because she came back to normal. He said something about emotional arrest or something like that, but didn't really understand by what he meant by that.

I was really scared driving over to Nessie's. First of all, Esme said that she would hurt me if I hurt her daughter. Second, if Nessie was ever going to forgive me. I didn't really mean it calling her a bitch. I was pissed that she thought that I would pick Jessica over her. I did ditch Jessica at the restaurant and she came to bug me about it the day after. I lied and said it was a family emergency. She didn't seem pissed after I told her that but she obviously had an advantage of me being alone the past two days.

Rebecca and Rachel did get on my ass after Dad had that emergency call from Esme. They yelled that Nessie was a sensitive girl after being there after her dad died – which was weird considering they'd never even met her – and that they felt the same way after Mom had died. They ranted at me that Nessie probably didn't mean it, called me an idiot, stubborn ass, uncaring and rude. I didn't blame them but Rebecca really shouldn't have yelled because she was pregnant and wasn't supposed to be stressed.

One thing I was guilty of was when Becks told me that she was pregnant. No, the fact that she was pregnant didn't make me feel bad. But the guilt part was that I tried to picture Nessie pregnant. I really had no idea where _that _came from, but my mind just went to a pregnant Nessie, which was so incredibly wrong. We weren't even dating and I'm already thinking about married life.

I sighed and shook my head as my body shivered trying to actually shake the thought but it kept popping up like weeds ever since.

I finally pulled into the lot and waited for Nessie to come out. After five minutes of waiting I got out the door and started half-walking half limping to the door and knocked a few times. Esme opened the door and a big brush was in one of her hands. My eyebrows rose at the thought of Esme beating me with that brush. I didn't realize until now that I was scared shitless by her. I heard her say hello but my eyes were still on the brush.

"Jacob, I'm not going to hit you with it," Esme said. But then, I could've sworn I heard, "I wish I could, though."

Esme walked in the house and toward the small hallway that was next to Nessie's room – which was where I guessed she would be since she wasn't in the living room.

"I'm still blow drying her hair but, it'll only take five minutes," Esme disappeared in the hallway and the door shut. I heard her say, "It's here."

"Mom, he's not an '_it'_."

Esme didn't say anything after that when I hear the blow dryer come on. I had at least five minutes to plan out how I was going to apologize to her.

"_Hey, Nessie. I'm really sorry. Nice hair by the way." Wink, wink._

"_I'm really sorry Nessie, I love you so much and I hurt you. Forgive me?"_

This was gonna be a lot harder than I though. I kept thinking of everything that might happen tonight. Was she going to freak out when she saw me? Would Jessica bitch her out about the date? Would I kiss Nessie? Would I tell her I loved her? Would she love me back? Would she kiss me back if I did? I hoped she did.

* * *

**NPOV**

The past two days were the worst of my life. Even though I had followed Billy's instructions, my guilt was drowning me. I wanted to hug Jacob and make him feel better; I wanted to be happy around him again. I wanted to feel what I felt around him. That feeling in my stomach that made me feel like I was floating on thin air – on a cloud – like I had no fears or worries in the world.

I wanted to feel happy again. But happiness is overrated. And I was a bore to everyone and I knew it, they did to – they just didn't want to admit it.

Ever since I went to Forks High I felt like that typical high school girl that had no idea where she fit in. I was with Jacob in a popular crowd but I was poor and an outsider. Not to mention a total nerd. It was like everyone was speaking English and I was speaking another language. So obviously I have to find another way to communicate. But I simply can't, so did that mean I was autistic? Nope, but it sure felt like it, but I guess it's just my PTSD.

Mom finished with the loud blow dryer and unplugged it from the socket. I didn't understand it. We were poor but somehow we've never had problems with the hospital and we had a plasma screen, and for some reason my mom could afford twenty dollar hair product – one small bottle!

I got up from the plastic chair and grabbed the gray jacket. I wore the same faded jeans and long sleeve shirt from the day I first met Jacob. I almost snorted at how funny the situation was. It felt like I was doing something new again like therapy. I just couldn't put my finger on it exactly.

I sucked a breath as I was walked toward the living room. Mom was putting away the blow dryer and everything else. I saw Jacob and he jumped to his feet right away. I gasped quietly when I looked at his eyes. There was a mesmerizing quality about them at drew me to him. I never really looked at Jacob like this before, not in this tense silence. Something was different now, something I couldn't pick up on. But it was something I knew would hurt me in the end. Just like everything always did.

"So what's the movie called again," I heard Mom's voice approaching. We looked toward her as our heads turned when we had suddenly heard her voice. She looked up from the towel she was drying her hands with.

"Um, uh, um," Jacob stuttered, huskily, "it's called Battle: Los Angeles, ma'am."

Mom leaned again the wall beside me and looked from Jacob to me and I nodded for no reason what's so ever. Mom inhaled and said, "Well, then, have fun. Don't be back after midnight, understand?"

Jacob and I nodded. I walked past Jacob to the door, briefly feeling his intense body heat. I opened it and waited for him to get out until I shut it behind us. We walked to his car, buckled our seat belts and he started his car, we were in silence with the exception the loud engine of the car. I gulped and let out a shaky sigh as we drove away from the house and on the road to Port Angeles.

"I'm really sorry," Jacob said, "about the way I . . . reacted. I'd blame it on the anger management or the guy- animal instinct or something but it was only me, being a complete asshole."

He looked at me after we'd gotten to a red light. He added with a smiled, "Please forgive my asshole-y- ness."

I let out a small chuckle after a gust of laughter I had let out. I started giggling uncontrollably and Jacob joined in on the laughter, "I forgive you for your," I pursed my lips, "asshole-y-ness. Where do you come up with these words anyway?"

Jacob answered me still chuckling as we entered a highway, "Thank you and I am my own dictionary."

"Okay."

Jacob licked his lips and mashed them together in an awkward way, "You look really nice tonight Ness."

I froze. Did he just say that to me? My heart fluttered as I tried to manage a simple, "Thank you," from my shaky lips. I heard Jacob sigh.

I kept my gaze downward for the duration of twenty minutes. We finally arrived to Port Angeles and Jacob and I got out of the Volkswagen. It was slightly windy, pushing my hair back behind my shoulders.

I saw Jared and Embry goofing around pushing each other as they approached us.

"Hey, get this, if the movie sucks Embry has to pay for dinner too," Jared informed. I had no idea that we were going to a restaurant. I looked at Jacob with accusation. He shrugged looking to me and then back to his friends.

"If it doesn't – which it _won't_," Embry said, "Jared has to pay."

Before Jacob or I could say anything they ran back to the group. I smiled slightly at the realization that they were my friends to. Suddenly, I felt something warm and rough grab my hand. I looked down to see Jacob's holding mine.

"Do friends do that?" I asked looking down to our intertwined hands.

"Yes," he said quickly. He seemed to catch himself. I didn't know because of his tanned, russet red skin if he was blushing before he corrected himself saying, "Sure, sure, why not?"

I shrugged and we walking to the theater being handed out tickets by Embry. Jessica looked back and stared at our hands. I quickly let go and regretted it immediately. I wanted to feel the warmth of his skin again. I exhaled through my nose and put my hand that once held Jacob's into a fist that held to the material of my jacket.

We walked to the candy counter but I decided to go into the theatre alone with my arms crossed against my chest. I handed the ticket to the usher and entered the dimly lit room. The screen was showing movie previews and celebrity trivia. I walked up the stairs that were illuminated by the little lights that were on the wall of the stairs. I decided on the middle since I didn't know where everyone wanted to sit, but then again, they didn't all have to sit together did they?

The first person I saw walk into the theatre was Jacob. He walked in with a big bag of popcorn and two drinks, one medium, one large, and what I guess to be candy in the side of the tray. I smiled when he spotted me and walked to my seat. I was amazed at how he managed to carry all of that food with his hands, without seeing the ground and somehow not tripping or falling as he sat next to me.

"Hey," he whispered as he pulled down the back of one of the seats that somehow doubled as a tray table when he put the food on it," I got you some pop and candy, I figured, you might want some. He handed me a chocolate bar and I opened it, nibbling on it to make him happy. Jacob beamed and leaned back in his seat.

The rest of the group came in and Quil and Claire sat on next to me and Kim and Jared next to Jacob. As the lights dimmed even more, I pulled down the tray table and settled the Hershey bar on it and put my hands in my lap.

As the movie started, I didn't pay attention. I tried to but I simply didn't. My expression stayed blank until I felt something warm grab my cool hand again. I saw that it was Jacob.

He leaned to my ear and whispered, "Your hands are cold."

I shuttered as he grabbed both of my hands in his warm ones. Goosebumps rose on my arms – and it wasn't because I was cold – and I actually didn't make a move to stop him. I felt nice, happy.

I felt that way throughout the movie. The rest of the night was very nice. Unfortunately, Embry didn't get most of the votes, so he had to pay for dinner at a nice diner with reasonable prices. I had my own money with me and convinced the waitress, even when the others, including Jacob, where jokingly telling her not to listen to me, and I got my bill separate.

I only got a salad and some orange juice and I actually felt good. I felt something I hadn't felt in a while. I felt _normal_. Even with my situation, I really and truly was. Jacob made me feel comfortable, like I belonged when I clearly didn't. If my father hadn't died, would I still be here? But only rich? Would have fallen in love with Jacob with way?

So many questions burned in the back of my head as Jacob and I were arriving back to my house at 11:00. I kept a faint smile on my face and I leaned sleepily on Jacob's arm.

"Ness?" he asked.

I leaned away from him thinking that his arm would have gone to sleep.

"I – I really – and I mean _really_ need to tell you something. And I don't know how you're going to react when I tell you."

"You can tell me anything Jake," I tried to reassure him, even though my voice was filled with worry itself.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

He looked at me for a while and I stared just as intently back. He put the backs of his fingers on my cheek and stroked it down, my cheeks flushed with color and I felt heat on my face. He caressed my left cheek.

Jacob sucked in a breath and said something I thought I would never hear in my life.

Something that I knew would hurt us in the end. Something I'd been dying to hear ever since. And it was also something I'd wish Jacob had never done.

"I'm in love with you, Ness, I know you've gotta feel this too," he shook his head, looked down and then looked at me.

My throat constricted and my stomach was in knots. All the while, my heart was doing somersaults.

Before I could say anything, I felt his warm, plump lips crushed mine. I gasped at the burning, tingling and _incredible_ sensation that burned through my body. I moaned slightly and grabbed his face trying to pull him closer to mine like time was going to end. I wrapped my hands around his neck and his hands gripped my waist. I smiled against his lips as I kissed him back with all of the passion I had in me. I was over the moon!

It was very sensual. And so very wrong.

But I wanted it. I wanted it so _badly_.

What would happen if Phil found out?

I gasped and removed my lips from his. I was breathing heavily. The tears welled up in my eyes and I was breathing heavily. I knew what I felt now, lust, love, pain, fear, amazement. But mostly love. God, so much love for this one man I hardly knew!

"Ness? What's wrong?" Jacob asked, obviously very alarmed. "Nessie?" There was a catch in his voice.

In started shaking my head as few tears dripping down my cheeks. "N-no. I'm so sorry," I whispered now still shaking my head and tearing up, "but I can't. I'm so sorry, Jacob. I can't hurt you now. I can't let hi –" I cut myself off and caught myself before I said him.

I started to unbuckle my seatbelt clumsily.

"Wait, Ness, wh – wh – what are you talking about?"

I got jumped out of the car but Jacob grabbed my hand.

"Ne – "I cut Jacob off.

"Jacob, if you love me like you say you do –"

"I do!"

"– then let me go!"

Jacob looked crushed when he let go of my arm.

"I'm sorry," I repeated. I shut the door and ran into my house. The house was quiet. I ran to my room and slammed the door and jumped onto the bed and wrapped myself in the blankets, terrified that Phil was watching me.

I could sleep all night. The kiss had changed things now. Jacob Black kissed me, Renesmee Carlie Cullen-Platt. And I kissed Jacob Black, the popular football jock.

I loved him. He loved me.

I guess I was right.

I _knew _we were both going to be hurt. And at the same time, I couldn't deny that I loved him, that he loved me.

I thought it over all night, and I knew what I was going to do now.


	15. A Thousand Years

_**I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SCHOOL AND STUFF!**  
_

* * *

_I have died everyday_

_waiting for you_

_Darling, don't be afraid_

_I have loved you for aThousand years_

_I'll love you for aThousand more_  
_Time stands still_

_Beauty in all she is_

_I will be brave_

_I will not let anythingTake away_

_What's standing in front of me_

_Every breath,_

_Every hour has come to this_**  
**

_A Thousand Years - Christina Perri_

* * *

**JPOV**

"_I'm in love with you Ness, I know you've gotta feel this too," I spilled out. I know, I know. I promised to take it slow but I couldn't hold it in anymore._

_She looked at me with her big brown eyes. I couldn't control myself when I forced her lips onto mine. She gasped and I swear on my life that she was smiling. I felt her arms coil around my neck. Somewhere in the middle of all this I unbuckled my seatbelt to lean over Nessie. Her lips were pump and soft and they moved with mine as she kissed me back. I heard tiny whimper come out of her mouth. _

_She's so delicate, and her lips tasted sweet. Suddenly, Nessie pulled away from me with a gasp, tears were in her eyes while some small ones spilled over._

"_Ness? What's wrong? Nessie?" I asked._

_She gulped, "No. I-I'm so sorry." She started shaking her head slowly. Wait, what? She was just enjoying it a second ago. She freaking moaned, for Christ sake! "But I can't. I'm so sorry Jacob. I can't hurt you now. I can't let –"She cut herself off and unbuckled her seatbelt._

"_Wait, Ness, wh – wh – what are you talking about?" _

_She didn't listen to me when she opened the door; I grabbed her arm and pulled her back onto the seat._

"_Ne – ?"_

"_Jacob, if you love me like you say you do – "_

"– _I do!" Of course I did! How could she doubt that after the kiss? Or after I saved her life? _

"_- then let me go!" Like the dipshit I was I let her go. I felt like I was thrown into a bottomless pit. "I'm sorry."_

_She slammed the god damn Rabbit door in my face. I started exhaling through my nose heavily as I was pissed. I curled my hands into fists and slammed one of them on the edge of the steering wheel. I put the car back into drive and sped home._

* * *

I went on the remainder of the weekend, surprisingly, without a call from Esme. I didn't see Nessie the whole time and it killed me. I was still pissed and confused – pissed 'cause this was the only other time I'd tried to be emotional with a girl, she dumped me like trash, now, I feel like Nessie is acting like . . . _her_.

Long story short, I loved her, we dated secretly, she was two years older than me, we had sex and then some guy showed up and she loved him more than me, blah, blah, and blah and now they're in college and she's probably coming to our annual family Thanksgiving dinner because her dad is friends with mine. Great. And while she's having an awesome life, I'm here, pining over a girl I knew didn't really love me back like I thought she did. I sighed and somehow warped back into reality as I waited in the grassy lot in front of Nessie's house. I tapped the leather circle of the steering wheel while I waited. I knew we were going to be really early since it was only 7:00, but I wanted to talk to her first.

The door opened and Nessie had her long, straight bronze hair back in a low ponytail. She had a on a gray jacket that she always wore – I thought it was like, 40 degrees today. She had her head down and stayed quiet. I couldn't bring myself to say anything, so was about to put the gear back into drive but Nessie told me to wait. I put the car back in park and leaned my head back on the head rest and shut my mouth.

A few seconds later, Nessie said," You . . . you got your cast off." She put a hand lightly on my knee where the cast used to be.

"Yeah, I did." She nodded and didn't take her light-as-a-feather hand away.

"I got my stiches out, too . . . on, uh, Sunday."

I exhaled through my nose. I didn't like that she felt awkward being in the same car.

"I . . . didn't mean what I said, Jake. " She paused with her mouth open trying to think of something to say. Nessie bit her lips and then licked them. She opened her mouth like she was trying to say something, but nothing came out. She sighed and started again, "You were right, I do love you."

WHAT? Yes! Yes! Yes!

My eyebrows shot up and my mouth hung open. I leaned over to Nessie and put my hand around the head rest behind her, trying to kiss her. She put her hand up to stop me. I stopped and felt taken aback. Wow, taken aback, never used that phrase before.

"Jake, I just," Ness sighed again, "I think that . . . you have better options. You know, better than me."

"What? Ness, I don't need options," I pressed and tried to peck her smooth pink lips. She put a hand to my lips before I could get near her face. "I only want you," I said after I pulled away from her hand.

"You have no idea what you want Jake. I'm not good enough!"

"Yes you are. And better Ness.

"But Jake –"

"But nothing Ness! You love me and love you a hell of a lot! Just go out with me one time Ness."

She pursed her lips thinking of something. "But . . . What if . . . _you're_ not good enough? And . . . you can't even . . . provide for yourself." Wow, Nessie, if you're gonna try to lie, try better. Ha!

"Nessie, just go out with me once, alone, and I swear on my life, I'll prove you wrong. I can be good to you better than some other guy."

She had tears in her eyes again and looked down to her lap. "I don't want someone else," she whispered it so low I almost couldn't hear her. But I'm glad I did.

"Same here, Ness," I whispered, like someone was going to hear it. She looked at me again and sniffled.

"I don't know."

I didn't say anything. I just licked my lips and leaned to Ness's side slowly. She turned she head to mine and didn't do anything to stop me. I kept going slower until she told me to stop.

She didn't.

I kissed her so softly; it felt like I was only touching her lips to mine. She kissed me back softly again, eyes closed like mine. I put my hand on the back of her neck and pulled her a little closer to me. I felt like I was on cloud nine. I put my hand on her cheek and kissed her on her soft silky lips. She moved her mouth from mine. I hadn't even noticed that she snaked her hands around my neck. She took her hands away and wiped away the tiny tears on her cheeks.

She looked from my arm to my face and back down. "I hate crying," she mumbled.

"It's okay, Ness." I put my finger on her cheek where some of the tears where at. I looked back at the clock that read 7:15. "We've got about a half an hour; feel like replaying that clip Ms. Cullen?"

"Platt," she corrected now looking me in the face.

I wrinkled my nose, "Cullen sounds better."

"But Nessie does?"

"Yes, it's cute, and _you're_ cute, so it works."

She smiled and blushed. "I'm not beautiful, Jake, but thank you."

I sighed. All of the sudden Nessie said, "Wake up Jake!"

"What?" I grumbled.

"You have to wake up now."

"What the – ?"

My eyes snapped open to Rachel's face.

I gasped at the scare. "What the hell?"

"So what was the dorky smile on your face for little brother? You dreaming up tat girl again? " Rachel smirked.

Dammit! It was a freaking dream? Best one of my life . . . kinda.

I groaned and grabbed the army green pillow and smashed it on top of my face.

"I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming," I groaned.

"It's Monday! Get your lazy butt out of bed, get changed, have breakfast and then you can make out with your girlfriend."

"Not my girlfriend," I said, it came out muffled. I really wished that wasn't true.

I scoffed and got and Rachel left and shut the door behind her so I could change. I pulled on whatever was in the closet. I sighed and went downstairs, more like moped. I was glad to have the damn, hot, sweaty, itchy cast off.

I did that horsey-lip flapping thing and slouched on the stool of the big marble table in the kitchen. The conversation going on around me was like a mosquito's buzzing. I just sat there moving the food around with my fork; Forks, where Nessie was. I bet Nessie likes pancakes. Sigh, this was pathetic. I should just get off my ass and go apologize and have a tiny speck of hope that Nessie would kiss me again.

I drove off and pulled up to her house. I stared at the direction of the door, hoping she would come out. After a good ten minutes, she didn't come out. It's weird though, Nessie was never late. I waited about five more minutes and just left, I really didn't think she'd like to be around me now. I wonder if she thinks I'm a creep now.

Whatever. I shook it off and parked the car. As I got out, I saw a brown jacket with reddish brown hair enter through the doors.

I had no doubt it was Nessie.

* * *

**NPOV**

I felt his eyes burn a hole at the back of my head. Okay, so my plan was to avoid him as much as possible. I figured, if he couldn't see me, the crush would eventually go away . . . wouldn't it?

Anyways, I walked into the office and spoke to the nice blonde woman named Gianna. She had a small Italian accent.

"I'd like to change my sixth hour," I said, eyes down.

"Of course, sweetheart; what's your name?"

"Renesmee. R-E-N-E-S-M-E-E. Cu- I mean, Platt. With two t's at the end."

Gianna typed in my named quickly without taking her eyes off the screen.

"Alright, honey, so you have AP Math, AP History, AP Italian, AP Science and gym right?"

I nodded my head, "Yeah."

"So was there anything in particular that you'd like?" She looked at me with her blue eyes.

"Uh, what is there exactly?"

Gianna smiled with her plump lips at me, "Well, the extra classes are Business, Woodshop, Foods and Nutrients, Computers, Art –"

"Yes, um art," I licked my lips. "I'd . . . like art." Why not?

Gianna punched in some words numbers or whatever it was. "Okay, hun, come around to the computer and see if this is how you want your schedule."

I did as she told me and walked around the desk. My new schedule looked like this:

**Trimester 1:**

**Hour 1: Honors 12 Trigonometry/ Pre-Calculus – Redfield 916**

**Hour 2: Honors 12 World History and Geography – Alic 502 **

**Hour 3: Honors Italian 1A – Ndojak (A/N: pronounced: Na-doe-kai) 207**

**Hour 4: Honors 12 Biology – Stowling 421**

**Lunch C **

**Hour 5: Art – Zheng 807 **

My teachers changed – except for Mr. Stowling .I didn't see the rest of my trimesters on here. Gianna told me it was because I was new, so I could come back before each trimester ended and get the schedules. Great. The bell rang.

I mumbled "thank you" to Gianna and left. I heard an announcement over the speaker. Apparently, we were finally allowed to carry our backpacks to class. Nice. I located my locker and put in the combination slowly. I pulled up the latch and it opened for once. I dropped the bag to the floor and took off the jacket Mom paid for with the lay-away. I grabbed some of the books I left form Friday and stuffed them in the bag.

I sighed and went off to my classes.

To be honest, I don't remember most of the day. I went to class, turned in my work and barely paid any attention. Lunch came around, and I skipped, sort of. After my fourth hour, I went to my locker, grabbed my lunch and quickly escaped into the crowd. When I turned around, Jacob was there, standing by my locker. I sighed again, and walked the other way.

I somehow found a hallway that lead to this small porch thing by the door. No one was there, or around me. I pushed the door open, but left a notebook in the door to keep me not locked out. It was definitely chilly, but it didn't matter. I dropped the bag on the faded wooden bench and sat down. I grabbed the apple out of the small brown bag. I smiled grimly.

Dad and I used to pick apples at an orchard when I was little. Ever since I could remember, he would hold me and help me reach the apple and pull it down. After we'd finished picking them, Mom used to make apple pies or apple tarts or whatever else you can make out of apples. I remembered when I was maybe five; I looked round the corner and saw Dad with his hands around Mom's waist. He held her, lovingly, quietly, kissing her neck, her hair and sometimes her cheeks. I remember wanting a man like my father. Loving and caring, like he was.

I wanted someone to hold me like that, kiss me like that. When I told Dad, he nearly died while Mom was just laughing happily at her silly little daughter who wanted to grow up so fast. Who wanted something done as soon as possible; a demanding little girl. And look at what happened to him; killed in cold blood.

I frowned and threw the apple and the cement. Someone opened the door. I turned and felt my eyes widen at him.

"What the hell are you doing out here Ness? You're gonna freeze!"

Jacob got his jacket out of his bag and threw it around my shoulders. I froze.

What else could I do? "N – no Jake, go away."

"You're gonna freeze silly," he said as he rolled his eyes. He started rubbing my stiff shoulders, trying to keep me warm.

"You don't have to do that. I don't want your charity. I know Billy's been putting you up to this," I said as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Putting me up to what? Falling in love with you has got nothing to – "

"Don't say that, you're in lust – "

"Are you shitting me Ness? You find every excuse to run away from –"

"You're making a huge mistake!" I stood up. "You say you're in love with me, but the second someone even better comes along I –"

"I love you Ness! I love you a hell of a lot. Whether you like it or not, I'm here."

"You're saying that now! And sooner or later, someone even better is going to come around and you'll forget about me! You'll live with her and have kids and a huge house. Why the hell should I believe that?"

Jacob looked livid. He shook his head violently. "I'd never do that."

"You're saying that now, but just wait."

"No."

"Yes you are! You'll forget about me in the future. We'd break up eventually. What's the point of dating me, loving me, when you know it'll happen?"

"You're different Ness. I don't know what it is, but you're just so right, I just don't know how yet."

"Stop convincing yourself Jacob."

He didn't say anything; instead he pushed me to the brick wall. He pressed his hot lips onto mine in a forced way. But I liked it, I couldn't stop him. He just kept kissing me; he shoved his tongue into my mouth. There was no way possible that my scarred, scrawny arms could push him away. I could feel his hot breath in my mouth. The musky and cologne scent that emanated from him. I put my hands on his shoulders.

He finally pulled away. We were both just gasping for breath. I leaned my head back on the hard bricks, trying to recover from that. I felt as light as light. Was it wrong to feel this good?

"I don't get it," Jacob murmured softly. He kissed me again. This time, unlike the other two – hot and passionate – this was so, so sweet and soft and gentle, something I would expect from Jacob's rough looking self.

I hummed – and pulled away. I started to frown, I felt bad that . . . that . . . I had no idea what I felt so guilty for. I sighed as a monster headache made me cringe. I took my hands away from his shoulders and started rubbing my temples. My throat was drier than ever. My eyes started to water. God, what's wrong with me?

"Ness? You okay?" Jacob asked, his eyes were filled with concern.

"I hate crying," I replied.

"You can cry, Ness. It's okay," Jacob said sweetly. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders in a constricting hug, and mine were loosely hung around in waist. I laid my head on his shoulder, still aching.

"My head kind of hurts." That's a lie. It feels like someone's blowing up bomb in there.

"Nessie, did you take your meds?"

". . . Yes . . ."

He pulled back and looked at me. There were bags under my eyes and I was paler than a sheet. Jacob raised an eyebrow. I sighed again. "No."

"Ness, get your bag, we're going to the nurse."

He started to get my bag for me until I said, "Stop."

He looked at me with confusion.

"What are we doing?

"The nur – "

"You know that's not what I meant," I accused. "I – I just . . ." I sighed, "Leave me alone Jacob. I can't get involved with you."

"Can't get . . .? What the hell Ness? You're making it sound like I'm a freaking gang member."

I sighed again. "Just – just go Jacob. I don't want to see you right now."

He threw my bag on the wood and left. **(A/N: I know I know, it's a pretty odd scene. Sorry this scene sucks =( )** I leaned back against the wall and slid down, it scratched my back, probably leaving marks on it. I put my knees up to my chest and put my head in my hands.

I didn't know how long it was, but the bell was ringing, I got up and grabbed my bag with my ridged as ice hands. Luckily, the notebook I left was still there. I opened the door and picked it up and headed to the art class.

* * *

"So class, your project due the week after the next – and this means I don't want any excuses – I want you draw a word, or emotion from this box," Ms. Zheng held up a shoe box, "and draw, paint, sketch and so on whatever you want, how you want, in relation to that word or emotion. Don't look at them until I give the word."

She brought around the box and everyone drew. She came up to me and I picked a folded flash and set it on the wooden, scratched, color etched desk. I looked down at it like it was the most interesting thing in the world. I felt like eyes were on me. I looked up and saw Claire across the room. Great, she'll tell Jacob.

"Okay class, open it."

I unfolded mine . . . and my eyes popped open and my jaw dropped as I looked at the neat writing on the paper.

_Love_

This has to be some kind of cruel joke.

"Can I change mine?" I asked.

Ms. Zheng turned to look at me. "Why? What's yours?"

I looked down and blushed, mumbling, "Love."

"Oh, come on, I'm sure you can think of something, er, someone I guess."

"How about your boyfriend," Someone suggested. I looked at that someone. It was Lauren. "I'm sure Jacob would like that."

All of the sudden, everyone started talking, except Claire, who glared at Lauren.

"He's dating _her_?"

"He is so out of her league, it's so pathetic."

"But he's so hot!"

"She looks like a rat."

"Hey! Hey! Guys! This is art class, not gossip. Renesmee, I'm sure you can figure out something. Besides, I think that nice boys like nice girls. As oppose to the sneering, rude ones who disrespect other people in my classroom," Ms. Zheng turned to Lauren. "Detention, 3 days in room 512, with Mr. Harrison."

Some people giggled at Lauren and "oo"ed at what Ms. Zheng said. I sighed.

Ms Zheng said, "I want you to start drafting, get some paper from the back and start."

I already had an idea of what I wanted to paint, the apple tree.

I grabbed a piece of white paper and my pencil from my bag and started sketching. I started with the hands. My little girl hands, fat and dimpled, then, Dad's hand also reaching out for the invisible tree. I drew the details of his hand and mine and I started on the tree.

First, I drew the branches, meeting our hands halfway, as if to shake them like you were meeting a business college. The flowers that were just starting to be apples, the pretty apple blossom with the dark middle and coloring fading to lighter colors as it spread throughout the petals. Finally, the apples that Dad and I were reaching for. I liked Honeycrisp apples. But only the Golden Delicious ones were used for pies because I thought they were the sweetest. I tried to draw in the detail for the red and yellow apples as they varied all over it.

I finished, and looked at it. It was good, but I didn't like it. It needed something else. What if it was less focused on the apple? Maybe I could do something else.

I grabbed another piece of paper and started again. I drew the full trunk, the branches and the blossoms. The apples were smaller, but I could still draw in details, it would be bigger on canvas anyway – wait, I can't afford a canvas can I?

I got up and went to Ms. Zheng. "Uhh . . . do you know how much a canvas costs?"

"Well, hun, that depends on the dimensions. What were you thinking of?"

I thought about it for a second. "I think a 3x3 would be good."

"That's about $60."

"What? But, I can't afford that."

"Okay, I think I can come up with a solution, sweetie, don't worry about it now. Just go back and finish drafting, you can see me after class right?"

"Well, yes, but I need to call first."

"Okay, you can use the phone; just dial 3 and then the rest of the number."

I nodded and dialed in Andy's phone number. I've known Andy since I was maybe eleven. He's in his mid-30's. He was a nice guy, maybe he didn't have a clean record, but he was decent. He smoked sometimes and he drank a little but not enough to make him so drunk that he couldn't drive back to wherever he lived. Every time before he left, he would pat my head. He said it was because I had puppy dog eyes that he would pat my head like a puppy. I still didn't know if it was good thing or a bad thing, but I liked Andy.

He picked up. "Hello?"

"Uh, hey, it's Ren," I said. He always called me Ren, or Red or Ren the Redhead.

"What's up, Pup?"

"I'm going to be late today, but when I'm done I'll call you okay?"

"Sure, little red. You want pizza?"

I hummed a yes.

"'Kay, see ya later, Ren."

"Okay." I hung up. I nodded and confirmed it was okay for me to stay until later.

I went back to the table and found a note there. It was from Claire.

_Nessie, I know what happened to you and Jake after the movie. Quil told me. Anyways, I really want you to know that Jake is a really nice guy and I think you should give him chance. And by the way, Lauren is just jealous that Jacob doesn't pay attention to her._

I sighed. Why the hell does everyone want me to get together with him? He'd get himself killed.

I put the paper in my bag and went back to working on the project. It was harder than how I imagined. I tried to remember what Dad wore when we used to go there. Jeans, hiking boots, a t-shirt, and this military style coat.

I drew in the little details of the seams on the side of the pants. I curved his arms and started to draw a little me in there. I had no idea what I used to wear. I just drew little legs and some shoes. I wrote pink with an arrow for the legs to make pink tights. I drew in a little tutu under one of Dad's arms. I started with the little coat with fur on the cuffs. Then it was my hair. I drew the spirals of my hair spilling over Dad's arm. I erased part of his arm and my hair, and drew my hair back. I fixed the jacket to smoothly mix under the hair I drew back.

I looked back at it. It was good, but it was missing something. . . Oh, the grass.

I started by making a line under Dad's shoes and drew little grass patches all around the tree. It was done. But I had to do something for the sky.

I tied my hair back and tried to think of what to do for the atmosphere. A sunset? A Fog? I sighed. Red, purple and orange? Or Blue, gray and white?

Just when the bell rang. Perfect. Someone came by me as I was stressing about color schemes.

I looked up to see Claire.

"Hi," she said with a smile.

"Hi."

"Can I see it?" She gestured to my drafted sketch.

"No, it's a secret."

"Okay, but do you need help on something with it?"

"Yeah, actually, color scheme. I don't know if I want a sunset or a foggy day."

"Maybe you should do like a midday painting, middle of the day, not too foggy or not too romantic. But then again you're doing love right?"

"Well, yes, but it's not romance."

"So I would go with a midday idea, but, and I'm not prying, but where's the setting?"

"Um, well, it's an apple orchid."

"Aw, that sounds so cute. I would do like, maybe a morning thing, with dew in the grass."

I thought about it for a second before I nodded. Morning dew and apple orchid, why I didn't think of that before. "That's a good idea."

"I think so, but you might want to try it out on paper before you put it on a canvas. I gotta go, Quil's drving me home. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"Uh, yeah."

Claire came around the table and gave me a hug.

"Bye," she said before she left view. I waved goodbye.

I got up to talk to Ms. Zheng.

"Well, I could give you one of mine. God knows, I have thousands of them. Or you could ask Ms. Alic, if you want, she barely uses any, you know. She prefers drawing and sculpting, but she might use her canvases sometimes. And you're entitled to anything in this art room for your project. I've got tons. And so does Ms. Alic. But, I'll get something for you by tomorrow. Okay?"

"Yes, thank you so much, I'll pay you – "

"No, no, no and no. It's perfectly fine with me."

"Okay."

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow honey."

I nodded and went over to my bag and put my stuff away. I waved bye to Ms. Zheng.

I went downstairs to the office and dialed Andy. He picked up and told he was on his way. I waited outside until his old mustang pulled up.

I opened I door and slipped inside and dropped the bag in front of me.

"Hey Red," Andy addressed.

I smirked. "Hey." I put my elbow against the window and put my cheek on my fist.

"So Little Cesar's?"

"Yup, as always. Mountain Dew right?"

"And some Heineken for me."

"Can I have some," I asked. I'd never been drunk in my entire life. It wouldn't hurt to try just once right?

"No can do, Pup." He smoked a little of his cigarette.

"What about the cigarette?"

He raised his eyebrow. "Aren't you on meds kid?"

"Not anymore, Andy. My mom doesn't have to know."

"No, Red. I'm not bein' held responsible."

I scoffed.

* * *

After we got the pizza, we pulled up to the house. I kept my head down. That is, until Andy said, "Whose Volkswagon Rabbit is that?"

Oh.

Crap.

I looked up and saw Jacob sitting on the hood of his car.

I sighed. Like I'd get off that easy. "Stop the car."

"Somebody you know?"

"Yep, and he's persistent."

"Ooo, sucks for you Red." We both got out of the car, while Andy was holding the bag for the Mountain Dew and the pizza box. I left my bag in the car, oh well, I'll get it later.

**JPOV**

"Ness, who's that guy?"

I saw some guy in a Mustang – which I have to ask later which one it was 'cause it was pretty awesome – holding a Little Caesar's box.

"He's a friend."

I grabbed Nessie gently by the elbows and said, "Nessie, I have t – "

"No, Jake," She protested. "Just – I . . . can you come somewhere with me?"

"Yeah, sure, anywhere."

"Everything okay, Red?" The guy asked.

Nessie turned to him, "Yeah, Andy, just wait for me inside okay?"

"Yep, but if you're not back in half an hour young lady," he said sternly and pointed at her, "I'll eat all the pizza, drink the Dew, and then call the cops."

Ness snorted. "Nice, I'm glad your concern for me is so much."

"Sure." He walked inside the house and shut the door with his foot.

"Okay, let's go," Ness grabbed my hand and ran toward the woods.

"Where're we going Ness?"

"Somewhere."

We stopped at a clearing with a little pond a few meters away from us. **(A/N: Listen to the song during this scene Thousand years by Christina Perri)**

"Okay, you're going to think I'm nuts, but this is a place I go sometimes when I want to be alone. And I need you to understand that after everything with the cliff and my dad, I fell like everyone is in danger. Jacob," she was tearing up. "I love you. I love you so much. I can't let you get hurt."

She said it. She said it!

YES! And this time I'm not dreaming!

"Nessie, I love you too."

We kissed, she kissed me back. Her arms were around my neck and I felt so alive.

She pulled back and started crying. I let her cry on my chest. I just held her there. I wanted her to be here forever.

**NPOV *Flashback***

"_Daddy? Will I be loved like you love Mommy?"_

"_Of course sweetheart. Someday later in life. Not now, just stay my little girl okay?"_

"_Okay. Daddy?"_

"_Yes angel?"_

"_I love you, Daddy. Forever and forever and ever." _

"_I love you, honey. Always. I loved you since your mother was pregnant with you. Since you were born. And now. I'll even love you a thousand year from now."_

_He kissed my forehead and I cuddled in his arms._

I felt that same way now. About Jacob and Mom. And Dad.

Forever.

* * *

**We're NOT DONE YEEEETTT =) I'm !**

**SCHOOL AND EVERYTHING! **

**UGH! Hope you loved it!**


	16. Chapter 16

**My grandfather passed away, sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've had a really hard time dealing. He was the only grandfather I really knew.**

**http:/fortmyersbeachflorida(dot)co(dot)**

**^ jacob's house (or at least the back) **

**P.S. Sorry guys, but Nessie's life is gonna get worse from here on out (almost/Kinda) but don't worry ;D Jacob will help**

* * *

**NPOV**

I never thought I could be so content in my entire life. Despite reading books like _Pride and Prejudice,_ I never imagined that I would have my own Mr. Darcy. With Phil constantly beating me, I figured that it would be that way forever. Alone and sad and cold.

But sitting in Jacob's lap in the little meadow with the lagoon, I almost thought for a second that it was possible. But for how long? Our time would run out soon. He'd go away to college and I'd be . . . here, alone and sad and cold again. I sighed and put my head against Jacob's chest.

"What's wrong?" He asked and kissed the top of my head. I bit my bottom lip and shook my head a little.

"What's going to happen . . . you know, after graduation?" I sat up straighter and Jacob loosened his arms from around my upper arms. His thumbs rubbed the fabric of my coat as he thought with his head down.

"I have no idea why you bring this shit up, it's like you're looking for a way for us not to work. Are you?"

"I asked you first."

"I'll find some college close to Forks and go there. Besides, I bet with your grades, you'd get a scholarship somewhere. And if that's the case, I want to be wherever you are."

My heart fluttered. Jacob wants to be where I am. But I can't let him bring himself down to my level.

"What about a place to live? I can't afford a dorm or an apartment if it's far away and even if it's close I don't know how to drive."

"I'll pay for it."

"No you're not." I shook my head.

"Look Ness, don't worry about this now. It's just you and me okay? We'll figure something out in the future."

"And what if we're not together by then, Jacob?"

"Stop worrying about the 'what if's' okay? You're stressing too much about everything. It's not good for you Ness."

"No. I do worry, and I can worry. The day before my birthday, when my dad and I went looking for good books, I thought my future the next day was waking up to breakfast in bed and Mom and Dad's faces. You know what happened on my birthday instead? We got kidnapped, my dad got murdered in front of me, I ended up in the having to go to the ER because I fainted in a room when they were checking for any injuries and hit my head on the tile and nearly cracked my skull," I stood up and looked down at him. "And here you are, telling me not to worry about what might happen tomorrow? What the hell is wrong with you!"

Jacob stood up pulled me into his arms again. He didn't say anything. I wasn't sobbing, but I was tearing up. Crying was stupid. They only did it at funerals. A funeral was for one day – but it feels like forever. I cried all the time when up until I was eleven, when I realized that it wouldn't do any good.

I sniffled and pulled my head back from Jacob's shoulder. He traced a finger from one of my tears falling to my cheek. He wiped the other tears away with the buds of his fingers.

"You know, I figured you'd say something to me. Like 'I'm sorry you lost your dad' or 'I'm sorry, I can't begin to imagine what you're going through'."

"What good would it do Ness? You didn't lose your dad, I mean, it's not like he's hiding in the wood waiting for you to find him. If you did that would be a little creepy." We laughed briefly at that. "But seriously, it's not gonna make everything better. As much as I wish it did, it can't, you know?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I know, I'm kinda glad you didn't say it." I sucked in a breath and let it out into that cold puff of the air. "Let's go back."

"You're cold," he noted and my icy hands. I gave a breathy chuckle.

"This way," I lead the way back through the thick trees.

"Ness, how did you find this place?"

"Honestly?" I looked back at him. He nodded. "I don't know. I just ran here one day." I turned to look at him. "This place is our little secret okay?"

He nodded.

When I first found the little meadow, it took me about an hour to get back – I kept going in circles – now it only takes less than five minutes. A few days after that, when I was alone, no Phil, no Mom, just me, I took one of the kitchen knives and tried to go back there by memory or certain familiarity, cut off some of the bark and etched an 'x' with the knife into the trees as I went along, every mistake I made with each tree would have a horizontal line going through it. I went there sometimes, alone of course, when I was sure no one would be there when I got back – I'd failed once obviously. I'd taken a small plastic box from out very creepy, scary unfinished basement and left the knife in the box. There was this little patch of bushes I hid it behind. I put little things in there. Pictures I drew, a journal I wrote in sometimes filled with little stories, but I don't write in it anymore. I found some pictures of Dad with me and/or Mom and kept them safe there. It was a like my own memorial of him.

We got back to my house (shack). Andy left like he said when I called him and said that we would be late. He said that he would get us another pizza and Mountain Dew because he already ate it and that he got my bag out of the car. I was glad that he didn't drink the other Mountain Dew, now we had two 2 liters. I grabbed the pizza box from the counter and grabbed some plastic plates. I was glad that it was still warm so I wouldn't have to put it in the microwave, the bottom would be soggy, plus, a higher electricity bill.

I couldn't even open the box before Jacob was behind me; he wrapped his arms around my waist. He pushed my hair to one side, and started kissing my neck. I shuttered and threw my head back. Kisses went from my jaw to the top of my collar bone, my lips parted and my eyes were closing.

"I can't concentrate when you're doing that," I said weakly, trying to keep my eyes open. I was putty in his hands. I felt him smile against my neck.

"Why do you need to concentrate?" He murmured near my ear. My eyes closed again and I all but jumped out of my skin when his teeth grazed my earlobe. I let out a breath and tried to reach out to open the box, but Jacob stopped my hand. "Leave it, this is more important." He turned me around and kissed me. His hands were like rope, held together on the small of my back. I circled my arms around his neck and kissed him back. He lifted me onto the counter and kept kissing me with his full lips. It felt so passionate at this moment. Like nothing could disturb us.

Until I heard someone behind us say, "Well, this isn't what I come home to every day."

I pushed Jacob away and we both had similar looks of surprise. I got off the counter slowly and turned to see none other than my mom.

"M – I – I uh – Wh – ?" I stuttered stupidly. My face was getting redder and redder. I walked over to the post that separated the kitchen from the living room. "So . . . um, how was your day?" I stretched out the word day and nodded. Like what happened two seconds ago didn't happen.

"Fine," She nodded. "I guess I don't need to ask how yours went."

"What are you doing home?" I asked as she took off her coat and gently put it on the arm of the couch.

"It's almost 6:00." I looked at the clock, 5:48. Christ, how long had we been in the woods?

"Oh . . . yeah," I said awkwardly.

"Yup. Hello Jacob."

Jacob waved, his face was still shocked. Mom giggled and came over to me. She put her hands on my shoulders.

"And you told me you had no interest in him. I told you he was good guy. I couldn't have picked anyone better for you."

"Mom!" I exasperated.

"Oh, stop complaining," she waved a hand. "My parents did worse to me whe –"she broke off looking at the floor with a sad expression.

"Can we just eat the pizza now?"

Mom recollected and opened the box.

About five minutes later, I had my feet in Jacob's lap on the sofa and Mom took the loveseat. We each had a plastic plate of pizza and a Styrofoam cup of Mountain Dew.

Jacob was talking to Mom about _Bella Italia._ Again. What was with him and this restaurant?

"Dad and me barely know how to cook. We're either having some kind of sandwich, pasta or grilled hot dogs or hamburgers or fish. We go there whenever, everybody knows us."

"Oh, that's just tragic," Mom replied. "I prefer home cooked meals. Everyone has a part in making whatever it is. Whenever we used to make brownies, Nessie's part was to lick the bowl." She started laughing. "One time when she was little and our backs were turned, she actually grabbed a spoon and started eating the batter like it was soup!"

"That's because I would eat anything chocolate," I defended myself as they laughed. I could just feel the heat running to my cheeks as they turned pinkish-red. "You should have known better than to leave a chocoholic alone with a big bowl of brownie batter."

Mom rolled her eyes. "Yes sweetie," she said, her voice was filled with sarcasm. "It's my entire fault that you couldn't handle yourself around anything chocolate."

"Glad you see it my way." I giggled, Jacob was still chuckling.

Mom looked back at me incredulously. "Ugh, it is not my fault, I was being sarcastic."

"I know." I smiled.

"So, we've been sitting here for a while. Why don't you two get started on your homework and tell me how you guys went from friends to . . . well, _that_."

We explained while we did our homework. Jacob brought up that he had kissed me before.

"Wait," Mom said. "What do you mean you've kissed before? When?"

Jacob answered, "Well, after the whole date misunderstanding when we went to that Los Angeles movie and today, here and at school."

Mom's eyes popped out of her skull and her eyebrows furrowed. "At school? As in, the halls? PDA?"

"No, Mom. It was this kind of place, near the cafeteria." Wow, this was just getting worse. "Outside."

Why did I tell her that?

"Outside? Nessie you could have frozen!" She scolded.

"I'm sorry, I was avoiding him," I gestured to Jacob.

I thought Jacob was offended but he rolled his eyes. "Yeeeaaahhh. 'Cause I've got coodies. Be careful Esme, you might catch it. I hear it's really contagious this year. "

"Oh, please, you are such a kid sometimes," I retorted.

"Yeah well, I'm just cool that way." Jacob started flexing. . . And kissing his muscles.

Mom and I almost broke our lungs just laughing.

"O – Oh my g –g –g –god." I choked out. My cheeks hurt.

"What? I'm hunky, Ness."

"Jacob, I've lived under a rock for years, I'm pretty sure nobody uses the word 'hunky' anymore."

"No, no they do not," Mom chuckled.

"Still," he said.

I rolled my eyes.

"So, Rebecca wants a sleepover and stuff to celebrate the baby and she wants you to come this Friday."

"Oh, um," I bit my lip. "I don't know."

"Of course she can go, it sounds nice." Mom interjected.

"Right, of course I can with people I don't even know."

"That's why it's a great opportunity to get to know people."

Okay, let's see the pros and cons of this sleepover

Pro: I'll be with Jacob, in La Push, away from Phil.

Con: Mom will be left with Phil.

Yeah, no chance in hell I'm going. "Mom, I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why?" Wow, how do I explain to my mother that there's an abusive maniac in our house and I refuse to leave unless she comes with me.

I stayed quiet.

"Okay, that's exactly what I thought." Mom said. "Now, you two _better_ be in separated beds."

. . . Mothers.

Don't you just love 'em?

* * *

Friday came soon. My painting had slowly been coming together as I stayed after school almost the whole week. I couldn't stay today because Ms. Zheng had something to do after today, but I finished regardless.

My changes were drastic. I'd stayed up all Monday night sketching the changes I could make to it.

Claire had been helping me with the background and I must say it was a great idea. The dew was on the ground behind us and even though you couldn't see it, you could tell it was a cloudy day in the background. The small version of me was dimpling, holding in both my once chubby hands, an apple "showing" Dad. The tree was "behind us". I loved the apple blossoms on the almost magical tree. The details were almost real. The bark of the tree, the pink of my jacket and tutu were almost so real. Dad's leather jacket had these small details of the thread on the leather jacket that I had to paint in with the tiniest brush I had ever seen or used.

The image was so real. I could have sworn it came to life.

"Ness? Are you in there?" Jacob asked.

I grinned at him. We were headed to his football practice. I nodded and headed toward the benches while he changed. It was cold, but my new gray coat kept me warm, it had wool on the inside. Mom had almost gotten me two other long sleeved shirts and a faded green jacket – there was a sale.

I took out my notebook and started drawing little things like the trees and pretty flowers from the meadow. I paid absolutely no attention as to what the boys were doing on the field. I hate football there's too many freaking rules.

I looked up when it sounded like sound got hurt. I winced when I saw a boy get away from another boy after what seemed like a tackle.

The coach blew his whistle loudly.

"Black! What are you doing?"

Jacob?

Jacob took his helmet off and approached the coach.

"He deserved it! You didn't hear what he said."

I'd never seen Jacob yell like that.

"Leeman, get over here."

The boy Jacob tackled got up and also took his helmet off. The three of them huddled and started talking. Jacob and the Leeman guy looking really mad. I could just feel my face turning into a concerned expression. I put my notebook to the side and timidly walked over to the three.

"I – is everything okay?"

"Yeah, Ness, don't worry about it." Jacob said, tenderly. "Just go back to the benches."

"No, why did you tackle him?"

"Its football, you're supposed to tackle people."

"Yeah tackle, not freaking ram me over dumbass," Leeman said.

I looked to Jacob.

"Yeah that's what you get for being a pervert."

"Will one of you just tell me what happened before I smack you?" The coach asked.

"Leeman should keep his mouth shut," Jacob answered. By then, we were surrounded by huge guys in football uniforms. Jacob whispered in the coach's ear.

The coach's mouth opened slightly.

"Leeman, hit the benches, you're not playing when we go to Central next week."

"Coach!"

"Oh don't worry, Jake'll keep you company."

"What?" Jacob asked.

"You don't attack teammates, but don't get your panties in a bunch, Jake. You're still gonna play at Central."

"Great." He had a sour look on his face and gave Leeman a death glare before pulling me with him to the benches. Leeman was sitting on the other side of the benches.

"What happened?" I asked. I was desperately confused.

"Leeman's an asshole, Ness," was all I got.

I shrugged. "It couldn't have been that bad."

"It was about you, Ness."

I shrugged again and shook my head," I don't care."

"But I do," he replied. "You didn't hear what he said."

"Again, I don – "

"Nessie, he called you a rat and a bitch and then he said that you're probably a good and easy lay. You really think I'm gonna let him say that about you? _Nobody _says that about _my_ girlfriend." He held me.

Oh right, I'd officially been branded by the entire senior class as Jacob's girlfriend. Some other girls called me a whore, a gold digger, a slut, but I kept it to myself. I didn't care. I'm only a few months away from never seeing them again (maybe never seeing Jacob again).

"I don't care Jake, it doesn't matter."

"It _does_ matter Ness," He protested. "I don't get how you can be so okay with this."

"Maybe it's because it doesn't matter what they think – "

"Are you kidding me? Have you heard what they said? You're so fragile and I feel like I'm walking on egg shells. I swear I'll kick their asses, if something happened to you."

When he said fragile, that's when I started to argue. "Fragile? Fragile? I'm – okay, I'm not a porcelain doll and I'm not a little baby. You're walking on egg shells? Egg shells? Really? How old do I look to you? I'm freaking 18!"

Jake started murmuring, "What if this depression thing got to you and – and it's like cutting yourself," he was spot on about that, "and eating disorders and all that stuff and of course I'm – I'll admit – I get scared for you sometimes."

"Well, you don't need to worry," I started shaking my head.

He did the same. "I do, 'cause I have no idea if you've done any of these things already and – wait, have you taken your pills?"

I try to avoid the subject by rolling my eyes, "Wow, quick change of subject right?" I said sarcastically.

"Ness," he looked me in the eyes, dead serious.

I sighed, my voice was cracked as I said, "Okay first of all, they don't work for me seriously, all I've had in this last week is nightmares and I always end up waking up in the middle of it okay? And they're supposed to be really addictive and I don't want to be addicted." Tears welled up, but I kept them in and sniffled. I hid my face in Jacob's chest. I continued my ramble, "I hate crying, it's so stupid and I don't want to go to this damn slumber party because I don't want to go to your huge freaking house and spend time with people I don't know over night? What if I have a nightmare? They're going to think I'm crazy. What the hell am I saying? I _am _crazy."

"Shhhh, shhhh, shhhh," he hushed me. I let very small tears come out of the sides of my eyes. He rubbed my back. I started to take in deep breaths slowly.

I think I may have fallen asleep because I woke up on Jacob's lap while he shook me awake. I got up from his lap and stretched.

"I'm gonna go change and I'll be right back," he kissed my forehead and gave me a quick peck on my lips. I grinned dreamily and packed up my bag. I chuckled for a second that we had an intense conversation at his football practice . . . that was just plain . . . there is no other word to describe it besides odd.

He came back shortly and we rode off to La Push.

I hate comparisons. Let give an example: I am to poor as Jacob is to freaking rich.

La Push was full of fancy houses and tiny boutiques and some restaurants that look liked the food was worth more than a car.

Jacob pulled up to his house and I must say it's huge. And I didn't like it. Well, I mean it was a beautiful home but I hated how . . . small I felt.

I sighed and got out of the car.

Jacob pulled out his keys and opened the door. We walked in and my mouth dropped open in awe. He closed and locked the door. I was in front of him and looked back at him, expression still intact.

"_This _is the inside of your _house_?" I asked.

"Uhhhhh . . .yeah," he said.

I looked at him for a few seconds. "Okay."

"Let's go to my room." Jacob paused a second before he reached the front of the dark wooden staircase. "Wow that sounded so wrong."

We both laughed awkwardly. "Yeah, well." I said.

We went upstairs and it was almost like a maze. There were so many doors and hallways. There was another dark mahogany staircase. So they have a third floor.

He opened the door to reveal his room. It was almost like a bedroom in an attic. It was painted in a dark green that matched his army green comforter. His bed wasn't made. There was a huge chest at the foot of his dark mahogany bed (which was huge by the way). There was a big dresser on one end of the room and a night stand next to his bed. I took a few more steps into his bedroom and saw a bureau with a mirror. There was a desk near a window. Another window was on the other side of the room with this bench attached to the wall with dark green pillows and cushions. There was also a "throne" I would call it, for a TV and cabinets beneath.

I turned around to face Jacob with a small smile on my face. "This is a man cave."

"Yep," He smiled. He ran towards the chest, dropping his back midway, and jumped and landed on his stomach on the bed. "And I have the whole floor to myself. Come here."

My smile widened and I dropped the bag and went to the bed. He sat up straight, arms open. I went into his arms and my lips went right to his. I straddled his waist and he laid back on the bed. We were sighing and panting - God, I had no idea how passionate this could be. His arms grabbed the place where I cut myself and I flinched back.

"What? Did I hurt you?"

"A little," I lied. "But it's ok." I pressed my lips to his again to keep him from answering questions.

"Well hello little brother."

We both turned to see two identical women. These were Jacob's sisters? They looked like supermodels.

"Why does this keep happening to us?" Jacob asked. I giggled, it was a funny pattern. A few days ago we were caught by my Mom, in Jacob's car this morning almost every day so far by our friends and now.

I realized how this situation may have look to the very pretty women. I was still straddling Jacob's waist and he was still on his back. I got off stood up putting a hand to the suddenly hot area at the back of my neck. My cheeks were pink I just knew it.

One of them in a white button came towards me with a kind smile, while the other woman was giggling and murmuring to Jacob on the other side of the bed.

"Hi I'm Rachel, you have to be Nessie." Rachel extended her hand and I thought I was going to shake her hand but she pulled me into a friendly hug.

"Hi."

When we stopped shaking hands the other woman, who must be Rebecca – the pregnant one –came up to me and exchanged hellos with a tight embrace. Jacob stood up and put his arms lightly on my shoulder.

"Wow Jake, now I know why you won't stop talking about her, she's so pretty."

I let out an embarrassed groan.

"Told you so," he whispered in my ear.

"Come on let's go downstairs they're already here."

As we descended down the staircase I asked," Um, wh – who exactly is they?"

"Our cousins, only a few. They're pretty much your age, don't worry," Rebecca said nonchalantly.

Jacob's cousins? I'm meeting his family?

Great.

When we got down there I saw a very beautiful girl I didn't know, and Kim and Claire. Jacob, Kim and Claire were related?

"Nessie!" Kim wrapped me in a bone crushing hug. I wrapped one arm around her.

"Uh, um, you guys are… related?"

"Oh, yeah, but distant though. Quil and Embry and Jared and stuff, you know."

I nodded. This was weird.

"And this," Rachel stood next to the beautiful girl I didn't know, "is Seth's sister Leah. Leah, this is Jacob's girl that he keeps talking about."

"Hi," Leah wrapped me up in a hug. She pulled back. "I have got _so _many things to tell you."

She giggled.

This is going to be a long night.

* * *

"I swear on my life!" Rachel laughed. "He peed right on our Dad's shoes!"

I giggled. I felt guilty that I was laughing at the story where Jacob was being potty trained, but God! This was too funny.

It was maybe 10:00 and we had been talking nonstop.

I had changed into some sweats and a blue long sleeved shirt. My shirts were always substituted for pajama shirts. Sweats were cheap. I had maybe seven solid color shirts, two jackets, a coat (which is too light for Forks weather) four pairs of jeans, six pairs of panties and two bras. . . Nice.

After more embarrassing stories about the boys we all finally went to sleep

(. . . Sort of)

* * *

_Something was chasing me. I could barely get away, it was too dark. Almost no light. _

_I fell to the ground. It got on top of me, touching me, scratching me, hurting me._

"_STOP! STOP!" I screamed. "GET OFF ME!"_

He didn't.

* * *

Gahhhhh not my best chapter. IM SORRY Promise it'll get better.

Love you all!


	17. IMPORTANT PLEASE READ! AN

_**A/N: I'M SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO SORRY for this note!**_

_**BUT PLEASE READ!**_

**I've been taking honors english this past year and i've realized that my story could use some well...open heart surgery.**

**I'm going to do a reboot on this story, I'm not totally gonna change it, but I am gonna reboot it and make it better for you guys cuz ur just all so freaking awesome. **

**As for Nurse Nessie, ugh, i'm kinda having some writers block on that one...it has some screw ups in there so i'll edit that too. **

**BUT I WILL REBOOT THIS STORY AND MAKE IT BETTER! PROMISE! I also might change the title what do you think? **

**I also have another idea for another story when i finish this and NN (Nurse Nessie) **

**I'm also thinking about having a face book page what do you think? **

**PM me about Nurse Nessie if you have any ideas i'd love to hear them and maybe it'll help with my writers block!**

**Thank you!**

**- 2lochyness4you3**


	18. PLEASE READ yes sadly another note

**Another A/N: Okay Guys, again sorry, I'm not going to make a Facebook page! boo - I know it's just that stupid timeline is really annoying. **

**So anyways, I had another version for this story because - im sorry it's kind of . . . childish in it's writing style, totally my fault. I'm going to publish another story called Look After You (by the way The Fray wrote a song by the same title - check it out and tell me what you think it's an awesome song trust me)**

**I've started the first Chapter and I'm also going to start editing Nurse Nessie (like i said before) pretty soon. I'll update as much as I can. **

**So yeah, I'm not going to delete this one because I know you guys still like it, so you know I'm not going to deprive you of that. **

**Please check out Look Out For You! the song and my fanfic lol I'll have it up by Sunday - or i guess today lol it's 2 am.**

**Love,**

**-2lochyness4you 3 **


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